change your life

Kick 'comfortable' to the kerb, right now!

I haven't posted a blog post for over a month.

I feel it, I've been feeling it.  

Feeling I don't have anything to say, which feels really weird.

But I also know that this is a habit, that I usually choose to write and share and create whether I FEEL like it or not. 

That's been such a big one for me over the last few years - choosing how I WANT to feel rather than how I feel RIGHT NOW, so much that I thought I was in an automatic new habit of doing so.

But seems I have to keep creating that, keep choosing that, keep it in mind, journal, make that choice really a PART of who I am every.single.day - someone who does that.

And I 'never' get sick, but flu de-railed me a bit and then ...

I was better but not quite right.  Even before then I was feeling a bit quiet and not sure what I was doing here, what I wanted to say. 

That's kind of a different message but still part of the same. 

I felt quiet and suddenly unsure.

And then I got ill - only for a week or so - but it exacerbated all those feelings. 

Maybe that's exactly what I needed to feel and learn. I believe that's so. 

Because I started doing things that don't make me feel good overall - and also stopped doing - all the things that I love, that make me feel good, that keep me feeling YES.

And I realise now, that these aren't habits you just DO automatically - you have to continue to CHOOSE them.

I fell 'out' of habits very fast, and we all know that starting again is harder than continuing ... well, and we all know that it's actually though NOT harder really.

What it's all about is making a decision. After that, easy.

But I haven't been making that decision.

(Why does it feel hard to make that decision?)

I got flu and I got comfortable.

Well, why NOT spend more time with my adored, my family, my friends?

Why NOT take a 'break' (WHAT? from doing what your soul wants you to do?!) ... from writing, sharing, engaging?

Why NOT retreat? And go quiet. And sit on the sofa and read. 

Why NOT feel comfortable?

Hang out, watch Netflix, cook for friends, go for coffee, go for wine.

Eat a little more, put on some weight.

It's good, right? It feels good to have this time to just kick back, relax, feel comfortable, sleep more.

ACTUALLY, FOR ME? NO, IT DOESN'T.

It feels a slugging settling.

It feels not choosing me, my dreams, my life.

It feels like hiding, switching off - and not in a good 'retreat and rejuvenate' way.

It feels like a slowness.

It feels like I lost the power to choose.

I feel like I'm not actually CHOOSING this.

When I choose HOW I want to feel and be and what feels great ... and this isn't it.

So ... back to the ONLY hard part of ANYTHING you choose and desire.

Making a commitment and a decision. That YES you choose this.

It's been interesting in a way, watching somehow myself from the outside how easy it's been for me to slip into 'comfortable'.

And how I feel (SO MUCH) that this is not good for me, not right for me, not who I am or want to be.

Not who I choose to be.

I want to feel lit up, inspired, energised, creative, full of ideas.

I suspect I haven't posted because I've created this comfort that blankets me from the ideas.

No more lolling, watching something that doesn't add to my life. Not right now, anyway.

No more allowing the creep .... of slowness, dullness, weight gain, lack of ideas. 

I choose to go for it again ... open up to it, no more hiding and creeping around.

No more stillness.

The stillness that comes from hiding and not moving - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. 

That results in physical, mental, emotional, spiritual weight gain and comfort blankets and a layer of insulation from ... what?

NOT from the world after all. 

From MYSELF.

I choose to be again, move again, create again, be the ME I want to be.

No more 'comfortable'. 

Dulled, slow, unsure.

Step back out into the light ... that spotlight you sometimes don't know is even on but yet follows you to shine on you.

I choose to shine again. DECIDE.  Shed the comfort blanket. 

Stretch and rise and BE.

I've felt it, feel it, don't want it. And now I DECIDE.

You can ALWAYS make another choice, another decision. 



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Being your best version of you

This is what it's all about really, isn't it?

When we really get down to it, this is what's really going on.

We have this yearning inside, even if don't recognise what it is.  

This feeling that something's not right, that it's 'off'.

When we're not fulfilling our potential it, somehow irks, it niggles away at you ... sometimes (like me, for YEARS) and you kind of know things aren't RIGHT, but then again, well, they're not WRONG are they?

You're going through life like everyone else, going to work, going on holiday, passing the time, but y'know, as time passes (and passes), that urge gets deeper, that feeling that there MUST be something more.

And for us? It's even worse isn't it?  We always KNEW there was going to be more, but never knew what it was going to be, waiting for it to happen.

And now, realising that it's not going to happen.

I'll just keep turning up for work, keep doing STUFF to fill the time, not even GOING THERE with what that deep deep down LONGING is trying to say, that's trying to come to the surface.

When we were younger we just KNEW we were destined for more, but we thought destiny would find us.

After what, 20-something years of living a multiple-choice-life ('I'll choose from this, this or this that I can see in front of me) we realise ... hold on ... what do we REALLY want?

We can CHOOSE.

We can choose our lives, our reality and we can then make that happen.

THAT is being the best version of you, the one that allows those feeling to come up, searches them, finds what we really want ... and then we start to go down that path.

For me, it was both big (leaving a job to create the mind-space and time to play with, have fun with, finding what I loved) and small (what I started with - I just started a blog about Thai cooking - but oh goodness that was HUGE for me - the first creative thing I'd done for years, the first thing I was excited about, the first thing I'd done because it was truly because I HAD A MESSAGE and it wanted to come out and I wanted to share).

The best version of me was to give myself - for the first time probably since a child - time to create and share - sharing was important to me. 

I look back now and despite having had an on paper great life with great friends and family and relationships ... I was a bit stuck. I was bored, to be honest, bored with myself.

And I didn't really give anything either, this is a two-way thing! I don't think I gave much in hindsight. Creating and sharing helps with GIVING and giving makes you more open and being more open leads to more creativity, more love, more people, more ideas .. just more LIFE.

And then there was the unsaid unhappiness with the weight gain.  I put it on I think now because I was stuck in other areas of my life - it's definitely 'chicken and egg' on this one.

So if you don't want (yet) to start digging deep and working on finding your real inner motivations and creativity but you're unhappy with your body, your fitness, your food, your relationships, your weight ... well, I'd say start with tackling one of those ... 

When we start confronting, being honest about, tackling, taking control of ANY ONE area of our lives we're not happy with, it starts a ripple effect.

Taking ACTION at one area of becoming YOUR best version of you, that's all you have to.

For me, as I started creating and sharing ... I became even more aware that I was unhappy in my own body.

I had started to believe that when I DECIDE something and choose actions that will help me get to my goals then that's what happens.

DECIDING is the main thing.

BELIEVING it next.

SETTING THE GOAL and then just EYES-ON-THE-HORIZON focused just taking the actions and choices to get there.

You have to choose. But only most of the time - some times you make other choices (of course it's not a straightforward linear process - we're human!).

But once you've made THE BIG choice, you just focus on the goal, the horizon, and go for it.

Little changes, small results = huge happiness at stepping into being the figurehead of your ship.

One area of life moves to another, you see changes and feel excited and empowered and 'why didn't I do this before?' - and you know, that doesn't matter. You're (we're) doing it now.

Life leads us to THIS point and NOW is the only point that matters.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best version of you (whatever that looks like to you). 

Mine included losing weight and feeling really happy in my skin ... and starting to achieve that lead to wanting to be fitter and stronger.

All of it comes together for my big vision for myself as the very best version of myself - I now KNOW I can have it all (as I define having it all for me).

I think we have a tendency - and I don't really know why - to think we can't have it all.

We can be successful in business ... but not look after our health.

We can have healthy, happy bodies .. but maybe our relationships suffer. Etc etc etc.

NOW ... step into IT ALL.

Set ALL THE GOALS! Decide and choose and go for it.

Choose one at a time - I promise, one will lead to another.

Or choose all at once.

And especially for those of us with a few decades of life experience ...

Well, I think once we choose to hear the calling, listen to that little voice, refuse to accept that the weight gain is inevitable, that it's 'too late' to achieve our big goals or whatever it is ... we know ourselves well enough to just go get it all.

In the way that best works for us. 

It can be easy. It can be fun.

And step-by-step, keep going, keep taking the steps, be bold, be brave, become YOUR best version of you.



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CHOOSING my life ... 4 years on ...

“If you change nothing, nothing will change”

Tony Robbins


And that moment of realisation, that moment where you finally feel it and KNOW that it is YOUR decision to create your life and make it happen ...

It happened to me four years ago this month. 28th April.

I was in a very dark place, looking back, in a job I knew was terrible for me ... and harming me ... but it was really ME harming me allowing it to continue.

And I'd been letting life drift by really my whole life - choosing A over B, like a multiple choice life, NEVER and I mean NEVER really deciding what I wanted and what would make me happy and going after that.

It took until my 40's.

it doesn't matter how long it takes, it matters that one day you DO see, do feel, do know that it's ALL and ALWAYS down to you.

YES, there are pressures and challenges of life, but THE biggest step is deciding.

What I did that day, was finally say enough. I gave in my notice at the awful job - without a job to go to - and suddenly felt my long long long ago ebbed away ME power start returning.

Of COURSE I could find another job perfect for me and my career in three months (it took four weeks).

And this time I made sure it was right for me and also would allow me time, mental capacity ... to start writing, cooking more, launching my own things I'm passionate about, my own side passion projects.

It can be so easy not to even recognise that you're in a dark place and going through the motions, getting through each day, surviving basically.

I was someone who on paper looked like I had a good life - and I did ... but I was trapped and miserable and not growing, not CREATING.

You can always decide and choose.

(You don't have to give your notice in though) :)

But it is your one life and if you've been stuck for a while and this sounds like you ... maybe start thinking what YOU want.

For me ... I wanted not to be scared, ill, bullied, tired, weak.

I wanted to write and create (and be me and be strong).

It didn't LOOK big to anyone else!

To the outside it looked like I left one great job in a great industry and went to another. Oh and started a little blog about Thai cooking.

That little blog about Thai food made me alive again and got my creativity going again. That first day, on my first blog site, pressing 'publish' - no post is scarier than that one.

I was still living in a fear mode really, worrying what people would think or say, not having the incredible community and support I do now.

You CAN start creating your life at ANY time in your life.

The big thing, the only big thing ... is DECIDING.

And that 'little' project?

Could become your real BIG thing, your biggest thing.

What do YOU want to do, create ... be?



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