grow

Who do you want to be? What's your identity? Who are you?!

You know sometimes, when you realise you've been identifying with something ... and realise you don't have to? That you can change that belief. And that it doesn't define you.

That's how I was with smoking ... I smoked 20+ cigarettes a day from 16 years old until 38. And when I stopped I was worried about WHO I WOULD BE.

It sounds insane, but my identity was as a smoker. I wondered who I would be as a non-smoker.

The answer of course, was me ... the same as I was as a smoker during all the time I didn't smoke. If that makes sense.

It really made me think though - I'm glad I realised it but it felt stupid and I wondered why I wanted that identity, why I was actually worried about who I would be without it.

That was 9 years ago now.

Last year when I decided to lose weight I thought I'd like to get back to a (UK) size 14.

It felt like an achievable goal, and it felt like a size where I would feel 'normal'.

I also identified that it was a size I'd been happy at as an adult and had been kind of default size for me - I loved getting smaller and hated getting bigger but 14 felt 'enough'.

Well, then I became a 12 and THEN decided to reach for more, be braver, bolder, go for what I really want - and hadn't been, hadn't lived in my body at a small size as an adult.

But why should that mean I couldn't? Why shouldn't I choose the big goal?

Why not say it, go for it, commit to it? Just because you haven't done it before, doesn't mean your life has to be lived in where you've been comfortable before.

And ... I've never been very fit, well, since a child/teenager who loved sports and running and ballet.

Not part of my identity.

Not until now. I've been softer, curvier, warmer ... as a child I was lanky, free, needed movement.

So I'm now making that my identity too.

I am going to become the fittest I've ever been in my life.

This is BRAND NEW!

Fit and strong and lean (and still soft).

I don't know why I've been scared of saying it, wanting it, doing it.

But now I do.

We can choose our identities, shrug off those that no longer serve, that in fact hold us back.

What do you really want?

Who do you want to be?



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Becoming lioness: losing weight + being happy

It's been 26 and a half weeks now.

(On my Tiniest Thai weight-loss diet.)

Which makes me start singing this (of course).  

 
 

And HOW beautiful?   (And yes, back in 1988 - I think it was - I had the Sinead haircut too).

It took me ten years to put on three stone - that's 42 pounds.

And during that whole time, that whole ten years, I therefore wasn't being my best self. I just wasn't.

It was there in the back of my mind all the time in the earlier stages. A bit uncomfortable. A bit thinking the 'right dress' would fix it. 

By the end, I was only wearing clothes that 'fitted' because - to me - nothing looked good.

I was actually struggling to breathe easily while bent over doing my shoes up. 

I was unhappy with my body and my weight.

For TEN years. For a decade.

And for the record, this body did nothing wrong. It was strong. It never got ill. I abused it, not it me - and that was nagging at me too.

Yeah, constitution of an ox here - but now making my poor body work so hard to work well (and it did) with all this extra weight? I felt guilty too.

And then this year, April this year - well, I decided to stop whispering around about pretending I was ok with it, pretending I might start some dull bland diet I was NEVER really going to start .. and ROAR. 

Quietly and elegantly if possible.

But take back control for sure.

With the powerful ease of a lioness.

I am a lioness.

lioness.jpg

Strong, sociable, powerful and protective and I WILL FIGHT when needed.

So I stood up and fought.

To get my body back.

More than that - to get my control back. Control of my own body and life. Control of my strength and flexibility.

And of my happiness.

It took ten years to put it on, sad pound by heavy, reducing, quieting sad pound.

It's taken six months to release most of that weight back into the wild and stride into being the lioness I am.

I have more to go. I have more to learn.

But putting my lioness on .. that's good. I don't want to take her off again.

Oh and I won't again this time.

This time I'm tracking and keeping aware and doing all the things i've done following my Tiniest Thai Diet

The lioness is now me. Or I am now she.

We.

We are stronger, lither, lighter.

More hunter and yet also more protective. Able to move more freely.

More us. More me.

I am so happy to have become feeling ME again from losing weight that I can't stop sharing and talking about it. And others have been joining the Thai Diet Revolution now too - which makes me even happier!