So, what do you do?

I've been thinking about this a lot recently.  For a few reasons.

And there are a few things that have struck me, that I wondered then if it's just me who does this or whether more of us do.  (Or don't, really).

And that is, actually put a name to it and SAY who they are.

It's been bugging me for a couple of reasons.  

Firstly, a while ago, well two years ago when I started blogging actually, I also started becoming very aware of the language used when you meet new people.  Small talk convention means that pretty soon in any conversation with someone new you'll be asked ... 

'So, what do you do?'

And I think most of us, also out of convention, then talk about 'what we do to make money/make a living'. 

I suppose the question could be posed differently, but even as it stands ... WHAT DO YOU DO?

Many, many people have things they DO outside their work that they love, that's their passion, that's actually what they work in their paying job to DO.

But no one (well, hardly anyone) answers the question with, 'Oh I'm a circus performer, a trapeze artist' ... and then, 'oh, you mean what I do for a living? I'm a marketing manager for a beauty company - and currently it allows me to follow my passion, the trapeze'.

I was thinking about it two years ago when I started my blog and recently I've become really interested again in the language I used and use.

Two years ago, I changed my public 'profile'  description (on social media) and I added my hobbies/passions/projects to that description.

So I'd say things like:

'Magazine publisher by day; foodie and supperclub founder by night'

And honestly, even that felt a little bit ... well, brave ... for me, to start talking about the things I love doing for me, after being so confined by 'what I did to make money'.

Of course, once you start challenging your beliefs and thoughts, you keep on doing so.  

I started thinking more about whether, when asked in a social situation, 'what do you do?', whether I could turn it round and answer FIRST with what I love to do and THEN with what I do to make a living.

(I do have to note here that unlike many people in 'jobs' that pay the rent or mortgage, I have a career that I love and enjoy and am proud of what I create and make happen there.  So this isn't about someone hating their job and wanting to be defined as something else. I've been - and am - more than happy to say I'm a magazine publisher and I can (as many know) talk about it 'til the proverbial cows come home). 

But it's no longer, 'what I do'. 

And I see now that progression when I look back again at those social profiles.

OK, I moved on a bit - calling myself a 'foodie' and a 'blogger'.  

But actually, aren't they a little bit ... nothing?

There's no passion there!

Recently, I decided to drop the 'day job' info completely. For now - as I said, it's still something I love and am proud of.  

But I need to stand up and say who I am.

And why, why, why ... has that been so hard and taken so long?

As of last weekend, I updated my profiles to say that I'm a ... 

'Writer, cook, creator of the Tiniest Thai supperclub and eating plan'

AND ... WHY WAS THAT SO HARD?

To be honest, I've further to go on this - in naming who I am/what I do, owning it, NAMING it and sharing it.

But I'm sharing now as this has felt important to me - announcing (not without fear, of course still with fear that somehow I'm bluffing), but announcing who I am and what I do.

And next time at a party and someone asks what I do, I'm really practising not defaulting to my (interesting and sounds great) 'magazine publisher' job.  

I'm practicing saying what it is I DO. That I spend every spare moment doing. That I do with or without payment.  

It tells more about who I am and what I love.

I am (right now) a writer, a cook and a host/salonniere of my Tiniest Thai supperclub and salon.

And If I can do it politely and in a way that opens up interesting conversation, I'm going to be challenging others to talk about their passions when they answer that question ... 

'So, what do you do?'

... with details about what they spend their days doing to pay the mortgage.  

And hopefully, lots will love their careers.

And others will start talking with passion about their passions.

SO, WHAT DO YOU DO?

WHO ARE YOU?

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17 reasons to eat a Thai-style diet

1. A Thai diet is rice-based rather than wheat-based, so is naturally good for gluten-free diets (you'll need to use gluten-free soy sauce and stock cubes though) and those looking to cut down on eating wheat. 

2. Chillies make you happy ... your body reacts to the spiciness by releasing natural endorphins that just feel good. 

3. You can eat what you want for breakfast! No more having to stick to so-called 'breakfast foods'. Have rice, have soup, have stir-fry, have fruit - whatever you like.

4. It's super-quick to cook - most dishes just minutes to make.  Yes, you need to prepare the ingredients, but it's still pretty fast.

5. It cures hangovers! Try a super spicy pad krapow stir fry the morning after. Honestly, trust me, try it. Put a fried egg on top for extra protein if it's really bad.

6. It's a way of eating that ensures you get most nutritional value from your food - stir frying at a high temperature keeps the goodness in.

7. A Thai-style way of eating means delicious snacking too: a hard boiled egg dipped in soy sauce: some slices of pineapple with a salt, sugar and dried chilli-flake mix; sour green mango (or green apple) with chillies and fish sauce; chicken stir fried with garlic on little gem lettuce leaves.

8. These are salads you'll really want to eat :) No to limp lettuce and soggy tomato and yes to hot, sour, spicy salads with a kick - these meals in themselves are super tasty AND very rarely use oil or fats, just lime, fish sauce, sugar and chillies.

9. No specialist ingredients needed - if you can get hold of chillies, limes, sugar, soy sauce, fish sauce and rice you'll be able to cook a huge variety of dishes.

* You can download my 9 Tiniest Thai storecupboard essentials here (if you don't have it already!).  It's a helpful little free ebook :) 

10. It boosts your metabolism - yup, those spicy, salty flavours - your body loves them and it moves a bit quicker for them.  (Yeah, ok, I'm no twig, but then think of ALL THE RECIPE TESTING I have to do heehee).

11. So many ingredients in Thai cooking have amazing health properties - get them without even thinking when you're regularly eating chillies, garlic, ginger, lemongrass and more.

12. It's incredibly tasty! Thai cooking is all about balancing the four key flavours of salty (fish sauce), sour (limes), sweet (sugar) and spicy (chillies). It has BIG flavours.

13. It's easy to eat your five a day (or more) when you're eating predominantly fresh foods.

14. Chillies kill off colds. They kill off pathogens (ie viruses) - just eat a little more Thai-style and you'll be getting a dose. Try this stir-fried pork with chilli and garlic.

15.  There are a couple of Thai dishes that I think are the ultimate comfort foods ... the softness of the rice, the sunshine of the flavours, the warm hug of it.  Need comfort food? Try pad Thai or a fried rice (kao pad). 

16. Under the weather with a cold or tummy pain or just feeling down? A kao tom - rice soup -will sort you out.

17. Thai food is happy and healthy food.  It's fresh, fast, full of flavour and makes you happy.

Try moving to a Thai-style way of eating for health and happiness.

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Unexpected presents / books + friends

Such a lovely thing happened to me this week that I have to share.

A friend sent me a present, unexpectedly, in the post.  And it was a book that she had thought I'd enjoy.

Where do I start with what a lovely thing this was to receive?

Her thoughtfulness in thinking that I'd like this book.  The lovely surprise of getting a gift in the post. The beautiful note that came with it. The fact that I then spent two evenings thoroughly enjoying and savouring this little book. 

The book, by the way, was perfect for me - I love the design and it's in short pieces and chapters and thoughts, yes, perfect for someone (like me) with a very short attention span. I'm going to re-read it immediately as this time I want to take notes and take action on some of the ideas.

So, two recommendations ... 

1. This book.  I really enjoyed it - thought provoking and beautiful.  It's called 'The Crossroads of Should and Must - find and follow your passion' by Elle Luna.

2. My second recommendation is to send a friend a book - it could even be your copy that you've read and want to pass on to them. I'm definitely going to be doing this.

It was a such a very lovely surprise to receive.  It's made me smile all week.

Thank you to my thoughtful friend Ruth for the book, and inspiring this post.

And yes, this is also a post about friendship and support.  

One of the passages in the book really struck me when I read it yesterday - it's about the ripple effect - how by following your dreams you can inspire others too.

“Have you ever ... stood at the base of a redwood tree?

... These trees reach unfathomable heights, strong and beautiful, lifting skyward. But what you cannot see when you stand at the foot of this tree is what is happening underneath.

While a redwood tree can grow 360 feet tall, the roots are only, on average, about ten feet deep. This is because they spread their roots outward, searching for other redwood trees. Their roots intertwine under the ground, and they hold each other up.

A redwood tree cannot stand on its own, and neither can we. The source of Must connects us all.”

— Elle Luna (The Crossroads of Should and Must)

So send a book in the post to a friend. Be a redwood tree.

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What does your heart actually want to do?

No, really.  I'm really asking.  

What does your HEART want to do?

What does it want you to do?

Because personally - I didn't know for a long time.  More than that, I didn't even think about it, didn't even ask the question, didn't even think it was a relevant question if I HAD asked the question.

I had responsibilities, of course. Mortgage and credit cards to pay.  I had a social life.  I had holidays. I had things I wanted to do, TV to watch, people to see.

Oh and I had - at the stage I'm about to talk about - a job that wasn't right for me.  For me, a bad job. In a good industry thought that I've always worked in and loved - but that finally, finally, got to a point in a job that was just not right for me, where the job was all-consuming. 

I had never, really, never really in my whole adult life stopped to ask myself what I actually WANTED to do, what I wanted from my life. Never thought to think that my life was something I could create. I went along with things. I chose from a multiple choice selection as if that were all I was presented with.  

So you can do x, y or z.  

Do you want to go here, there or this other place? Are you going to buy this, go on holiday there, see those friends, watch what on TV? 

And then, are you going to work late again? And slowly, despite being over 40 by now, and also not really in a financial position - so I thought - to have many choices ... I realised a few things.  

Finally.

I DID have a choice.

I COULD take control of creating a life I wanted.

I might as well start with asking myself what I wanted from my life.

And then make it happen. And, crucially, make it happen in small steps.

So for me - I gave in my notice at work.  

I had suddenly woken up - is how it felt.  Things getting so bad that I finally woke up?

Well, I'll be forever happy they got that bad and I didn't continue sort of sleep walking through my life.

I didn't run away and join a circus.  Or travel the world.  I used to regularly throw my world upside down when I was younger, start again, do reckless things - I see now that it was because I had no idea what I wanted - and I wasn't asking myself the right questions.

I see that constantly coping with crisis was me avoiding the question I never thought to ask myself.

This time, I tried to look after myself - look after and nourish myself. I mean look after this little new bud of a me, of my heart, that was slowing peeking out the earth.  I didn't want to scare it or have it trampled or die in the frost - I wanted to nurture it.

I found a job where I didn't feel terror sometimes on having to go in. Or where my blood pressure soared.  Or where I would sometimes get home and shake (whilst guzzling wine before even taking my coat off).

(But where I also met so many great friends as we were all in it together - and, it seems to me now that many of us learnt the same hard, but oh so good, lesson from it).

I found a job I liked, with good people, that I could do on normal hours and normal emotions. And I tried not to be too insane at work by creating the same atmosphere myself that I had hated.

And also - in the new space that was created in my head, in my life, from not being all-consumed ... I tried something, something new and brave for me.  I tried sharing one of my passions - Thai cooking.  I started a blog. And I started learning to be creative again (a long, long time since I'd done that). 

Now - two and a half years later from when I started my new life, as me.  Starting to become me.

It's like years of living in darkness - that you didn't even know was darkness - lifted.  To do something - just because I loved it. No answering to anyone. Sharing what I loved.

It's been exciting and creative and like suddenly the world came into lightness.  

And - this is really important - it's not like I was a dark and gloomy person anyway.  It was a personal epiphany. Learning that I could create my own life and take control of it - wasn't like an escape from darkness only - as I think I might have made it sound.

It was the most exciting - and at the same time, most comforting, thing ever.

It's hard, it's hard to start being really honest - with yourself firstly.  And then it's hard sharing that too, but you have to, to let your heart open and be free.

Passions you might have had since childhood, and passions you didn't even know you had.

Deciding what's important. 

Follow your heart sounds too big. For me, I didn't even know what I wanted.

So I say - ask your heart, and then listen to it.

And then start, slowly and gently, to let it speak more.

My passion is Thai cooking and eating a healthy diet based on Thai eating principles - that's my thing.

My OTHER passion now is sharing how I came to finally realise how important having that passion, is - and in making it happen. 

It has to start somewhere, just start. Starting is all you need to do.

Have you found your passion? Or have you always had a good balance?

Interested to hear what everyone else thinks.

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Getting (every)thing done in 25 minutes

I use this technique all the time and it definitely works for me.

I heard about it a few years ago and now also know that it's also known as the pomodoro technique, although also talked about by many, many other people. (I haven't read or used the 'actual' pomodoro technique itself so can't comment on anything specific to it).

Basically, for me it means focusing on one thing, one task - for 25 minutes.

I use ticktocktimer to set my 25 minutes.  I switch off distractions (yes, you Facebook, yes you Instagram, yes you telephone ring volume!). And I just knuckle down to whatever it is that needs doing for a full 25 minutes.

And it works for me because: 

25 minutes is short enough that I can maintain a full-on sprint level energy

it's long enough to get a LOT done (when you're really focused)

it's not so long I get withdrawal from all those distractions

I don't even need more water or coffee during that time!

And, at the end, when the timer goes - I'm usually astonished how 'in the zone' I am and how much I've accomplished.

It's tempting to just re-set immediately and do it all again straight away, but it's good to then take five minutes - stretch, get a glass of water, go outside for some fresh air, do something different ... and then you can set it again for another 25 minutes if you like!

I use this in my working day when I have tasks I really need to concentrate on and am being pulled in too many directions with other (less important, often 'more urgent' tasks).  

I use it at home if I have something I really want to do (like write 'my story' page for my website - yes, yes, on my list and I'm planning on seeing if I can get it done in 25 minutes tomorrow).

It just works for me, concentrates my mind, gets things done.

Do you use this technique? Or have something else you do when you want to be really productive? 

SHARE please! :) 

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My winter health 'rules'

I very rarely get ill, or even get colds.  

Partly I think it's because living in London and getting tubes and buses every day means that my immune system is on super-fit ninja germ-fighting form.

Partly it's because I build those defences from the inside out, eating fresh food made from scratch so I know exactly what's in it. 

I don't do as much as I could - I really know I should prioritise exercise and sleep a little more.

But I do follow my winter health 'rules' to avoid picking up colds and infections.

Drinking lots of water.  The most important glass of water is probably the first; we are dehydrated after hours of sleeping and so a big glass of water first thing is necessary.

Eating chillies.  Good for clearing a stuffed-up nose, your body releases endorphins when you eat them, making you feel HAPPY!  Try this easy and incredibly delicious sauce/dressing - I had it yesterday on fish tacos but it will go with so many other things too! 

1/2-1 ripe (it's gotta be ripe!) mango, peeled and pieces put in a hot dry frying pan with 1 long green chilli, just cut in half longways. Fry for a few mins each side until a little charred. Then pop in a blender or food processor with juice of 1/2 a lime, a tiny splash of water and a small handful of coriander.  Blitz! 

Red wine. No explanation needed.

Getting up and outside for a quick walk first thing, fresh air and some stretching is a great way to wake up (unless it's raining of course - going out in the rain first thing in the morning isn't my idea of fun).

A drop of Frankincense essential oil under the tongue each morning (no it doesn't taste great) and a drop of On Guard blend on the soles of my feet.

On Guard is also a favourite to diffuse this time of year too. It's a blend formulated to support healthy immune function and is a blend of  wild orange essential oil, combined with clove, cinnamon, eucalyptus and rosemary.

Using uplifting essential oils such as Grapefruit, Wild Orange or Lime in a morning 'detox shower'.

Eating fresh food and spicy salads. Less meat and more fish and vegetables.

I'm going to add sleep to this list too, even though I don't always prioritise it as much as I think I should.

What are your winter health tips? Please share!

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I am a huge fan of doTerra essential oils and have been using them for about 18 months now. I use my oils daily for health and sometimes to cook with! I am also a doTerra consultant so if you're interested in finding out more about essential oils, start here ...

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A love letter to my dog on his 7th birthday

My dear tiny darling Rocco

I was going to say I love you more than you know, but I know that you do know. 

But ... almost seven years ago now, I really didn't know.

Didn't know anything.

We did that long journey back from Portsmouth and I got you home and you went into the sleeping bag I'd got you (on our friend Georgia's advice) and you looked at me as if to say, 'what is going on here?  Where am I?' and I could only look back at you thinking, 'I have no idea what I've just done, how would I know what's going on?!'

Everyone says getting a puppy changes your life and I imagine most people, like me, think 'yeah yeah, I know I know'.  But oh it does.

It changes everything. 

It took me a while to understand - but it didn't take you a while - you just loved me straight away, rubbish though I was at looking after you.

But then I got some seriously good help!

We had puppy training with Winkie Spiers (and Rocs, your face - it was like, 'at last - someone who knows what they're doing!') and then you started going to doggie daycare and things started falling into place.

(I love that you love doggie creche so much that sometimes you drag me there on a Sunday when it's closed and how every Monday morning your walk becomes a gallop the nearer we get). 

But oh - then your adolescence ...

I remember being in the park thinking, 'I just don't know if I can do this' when you were a few months old.  Started talking to a girl with her dog and she reassured me that things got easier, 'when they're about two'.  

TWO?! I didn't know if I could get through that day.

But my tiny dog, you're now seven years old.  

And I love you more every day.

Some days I just sit and watch you sleep and can't think of anything cuter or more beautiful.  

I love how you are OBSESSED with burrowing and snuggling into the comfiest places you can find.

When I let you sleep in the bed with me at night I love how you stretch out along my leg and if you want to move away you push away with your paws so your paws remain touching me.  I love how you always want to be connected to me.

And I love how you communicate so well.  

You have really tried and found a way to express yourself - even though it means some days you're just the Tiny Dictator and I run around trying to do everything you want me to do.

You have a special little deep growl which means you need me to do something for you - get a ball out from under the sofa, give you the treat I forgot was on the table that you've been eyeing up for ages, lift your dish because there's one more biscuit that somehow got underneath.

You ask for your travel bag when it's raining outside as you just don't 'do' rain.

I love how you jump to catch bubbles, and snap to catch dust motes.

I love that you put your neck down to ask me to massage it.

I love how you chatter at squirrels up trees (what you think you'd do if you caught one I don't know).

You are so much fun to play with and I love how much you stretch.  And stretch.  And then stretch some more.  And then maybe do a little stretching.

I love how much you love sunshine (as much as me!) and also find your way straight to any fireside.

I love that you love me. 

Oh and I love that you love Marmite on toast as much as I do.

I love it when you snore and I love it when you make whiffling noises in your dreams.  

In fact I love every single thing about you - except when bark excessively loudly and dramatically at the noise reversing lorries make (I can't hear one myself any more without wincing) and when you snap at the nieces and nephews (but let's talk about that another day).

My darling doglet, you give me so much happiness. When you are healthy and happy and enjoying life, then I'm happy too.

And now I'm going to make your birthday chicken you have instead of a cake - you're going to love it!

Happy birthday, tiny one.

x Rachel 

PS. For more Rocco, you'll find him on Facebook and Instagram so come and say hello.

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What's going to be your word for 2016?

I haven't done this for long really - just a couple of years - but coming across this exercise in setting an intention for the year ahead has had a huge impact on me and my life.  

It's also led me to so, so much more learning and friends and ideas and creativity and ways of seeing the world.

And it's so simple.  

Just setting an intention for the year ahead, and choosing a word that embodies that intention. 

Now, just two short years later, I see a lot of my friends and people in my communities all set their word/s and intention/s for the year ahead and it's fascinating and inspiring to hear what they're planning. 

When it first started for me, it was something I read about midway through 2013.  

This was a big year for me - a year of huge change, the year I realised it was up to me and no one else to grab my life by the horns and create the life I want - to take charge, to take responsibility, at last, for my own life.

It was a momentous realisation and one that I am passionate about talking about and sharing as I know that if I could be sleepwalking through my life for so long, then so can others and just as I found some people and ideas that inspired me to find out more - I want to talk about it too and share what I'm learning.

So it was midway through the year that I heard about deciding on a word for the year.  

I had just made some big decisions and given in my notice at a job that wasn't right for me at all.  However, I'm glad I did that job that wasn't right for me.  It was the final straw, it was then that I had the realisation that working, working, working and being so down and and yes a bit downtrodden by life to be honest wasn't what I wanted.  And nor was the reckless, carefree, slightly hysterical level of socialising and partying that went before - just other ways to block out the emptiness of not knowing or realising how to affect what happens in your life.

So, pretty momentous really, realising that it was me, just me, and only me, who could take charge of my own life.  Be the figurehead of my own ship. 

Anyway, my word, my intention, call it what you like, just jumped into my head that day in July 2013, when I was winding down what I didn't want to do and looking ahead to what I did.  

And that word was ALIVE.  

And ... exciting! It's honestly not over-stating it to say that's what happened to me that year, at least in how I felt it (I probably didn't look or seem that much different externally really).  

I took in big breaths of excitement and hope and awareness and possibility ... and came ALIVE (again).

It worked really well for me, having this intention set, this word of my own.  I started talking about it to friends and family, and my sisters both set their words and intentions for 2014 too. 

My word for 2014 was BOLD and that, that was just perfect.  

I learnt more, I took more in, I tried things out, I was open to trying and bold suited me absolutely perfectly ... 2014 was so full of boldness and possibility that nearing the end of the year I could barely contain excitement for all that 2015 would bring.  Honestly, I couldn't wait to get there! 

But then something happened.  I think I'd been too excited.  I couldn't settle on a word, on an intention, and that felt really odd after how naturally and easily the last two had come.  I tried on a few: Soar then Play.  Then Play didn't feel action-oriented enough.  I tried on Action. I tried on Play Fierce. 

A couple of months into the year I was trying out so much, trying on so much and feeling confused and tired and unexpectedly let down by the promise that 2015 had seemingly failed to show.

I look back now and I think my intention - having looked back at my actual actions - was EXPERIMENT. Or DISCOVER.  

But at the end of 2014 I was rushing headlong into something but without actually know what that was.  And that's fine too.  I know that having had that experience I'll think very differently if and when a word or feeling or intention doesn't come easily again.

But this year, for 2016, I've known my word for a while.  She snuck up on me and got close and I've been living with her for a couple of months now.

My intention for 2016 is GRACE.  

I am going to live in a GRACEFUL way and be GRACEFUL too.  

(I am after all a Tuesday's child, full of grace ... don't you know?)

Words mean different things to us all, so to clarify - for me, grace is a combination of generosity, elegance, calmness, kindness, lightness, thoughtfulness and ... hospitality - for want of a better word. Perhaps warmth would be that better word.

It's behaving and thinking and being - in a way that nurtures and leads through lightness and ease. 

It is going to shape how I choose to react to things and inform the ways I move forward on things. It feels a grown up part of me, but still with an essence of lightness and playfulness, but more mindful.  

Yes, more grown up. (But still with a lot of drive and passion behind it of course). 

So that's my intention for 2016.  

And if you're happy to share, I would LOVE to know what your word for 2016 is going to be - and what it means to you. 

Let me know in the comments (way, way, way down the bottom of the page) or of course, pop in to my FB page and comment there.

Whatever you decide, I wish you happiness, love and adventures in 2016.

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Hygge

THIS WORD!

I absolutely love language. I love the nuances of it.  

Yes, I love grammar and vocabulary - but as a means that one may express oneself and not be misunderstood.  That to me, is the importance of grammar - understanding and avoiding misunderstanding - especially in writing.  

And yes, I can be a bit of a traditionalist in spelling - why? Because I love how you can see a culture's history: of people, social history, important stuff, in the development of the language. Seemingly bizarre spellings can shed light on our history and I love this.  

And yes, I'm a words geek. And one of the things I love about words is hearing of and learning those words in other languages that we have no word for.

All the French ones that we use daily without thinking.  One of my very favourites - 'sanuk' in Thai (finding the fun and joy in life).  There's also a beautiful word 'kefi' - a Greek word meaning kind of joy and making the absolute best out of life (and it's the name of one of my dearest and oldest friends too).

I recently heard there's a word in Japanese to express the feeling of disappointment after a bad haircut! MUST try and find this one again.

But my favourite new one is this.  And I don't even have words for how much I love it.

Hygge

Pronounced sort of I think 'hoo-GAH'. This word is basically my dream word.

Please jump in and correct me if you know more ... but my (limited) understanding is that it was first a Norwegian word for 'well-being'.  

And then it became a word to express a mood.  And became very Danish too!  In fact, it became part of the fabric of Danish culture and has even been credited with why Denmark is one of the world's happiest places to live (despite the dark long nights and gloom).

It means way more than (literally) 'cosiness'.  

It means enjoying life's simple pleasures

Enjoying the good things in life.  Cosiness and family and get-togethers and candlelight and all sorts of good things. 

It's kind of like my favourite things all rolled into one lovely word. Un-rushed, cosy, snug, togetherness, happiness. It's a feeling, a mood. I love this.

And this is my favourite time of year for consciously injecting a bit of hygge into my life.

Cashmere sweaters and soft throws and velvet

Favourite candles (this time of year mine's the exquisite Feu de Bois from Diptique)

Long walks at the weekend through the leaves - perfect when it's chilly but bright

Dark evenings snuggled on the sofa with a book or film (and your fave person - and pets)

Hot chocolate made from squares from the bars of drinking chocolate they sell at the Spanish supermarket (or make your own)

Spending an evening listening to 'Under Milk Wood' with Richard Burton and a glass of whisky (and the lights turned off)

Laughing with friends and family over food

Bonfires in the garden

Log fires and wood burners (and roast chestnuts)

Sunday lunches in cosy pubs with open fires and warm booths

Putting the huge thick down-filled mattress topper on the bed and suddenly having a fairy-tale feather bed

And all the lovely stocking-up-for winter type things - piles of logs and leaves and storing apples

Blustery coastal walks

Oh and a perfect Swedish mulled wine recipe I found last year.

Glögg ... give it a go!

In the meantime, I'm home from a busy day and it's dark outside, but there's soft clothes and cashmere slouchy socks and a glass of red wine. 

Cosiness. Perfect. Hygge.

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Happy 2-year ... ?

I'd been planning this post for a while.  For a couple of months in fact.

And this is not at all the post I'd planned to write.

My two-year blogiversary was 6 October and I was really looking forward to sharing my blogging 'journey' over these two years. I'd wanted to look back and celebrate what I've learnt and how far I've come.

I'd been entirely planning to talk about just 'starting' - if you don't just start doing something ... well, how can it ever improve? The whole point is just start and then you learn and develop along the way. You have to start even if you don't know how to do things, or how to make things look the way you want.  If you've got something to say, or you want to do, you need to start, or it's just an idea.

I kept meaning to see if I had any screenshots of my incredibly basic (and not beautiful) first blog and had been going to just share some of what my learnings have been over these two years and journey from wordpress blog to WP site to Squarespace and through four different domain names. (Oh the torture of changing nameservers and all that stuff).

And I think I will share that ... another time.  

Something was holding me back from actually writing this post and I'd started to think that maybe I just wouldn't write it at all as I wasn't feeling it.  After all - you don't have to celebrate blogiversaries.

But I do want to write it; it's just not the post I thought it was.  It's not a celebration of having been blogging for two years.  

It's something much bigger.

The blogging is a symptom, not a cause.  Not sure that's the right metaphor I have to say but the blogging is the outward sign of a much bigger inner shift and just a visible action of a much much bigger internal action.

This is a celebration of two years being conscious about creating my life and choosing to do things that matter to me, and that make me happy.

Like a lot of us, I'd spent until that point never really choosing what made me happy - oh I'd think I was but I was only choosing from what was there and what I could see.  

I could choose where to live, who to see, what jobs to get, which parties to attend, where to go on holiday - but I only chose from the choices I could see available, not consciously thinking what I wanted.

I travelled, I had fun, I had a good and interesting career in magazines ... but eventually it felt like it was all consuming me.  I was working hard but not feeling I was getting anywhere and I can see now when I look back why that was.

I didn't know where I wanted to get to, for one. And I never really felt in control and more than that I don't think I felt control was an option.  It just never occurred to me to take charge of my own life and to think and actually decide what I wanted.

And it took a very very long time and until things got quite dark and difficult before having my own personal epiphany.

Working in a stressful totally all-consuming job that wasn't for me (or my increasingly high blood pressure).  Spending and consuming to try and make up for that life and stress (that meant I missed seeing friends and missed out on life as I felt forced to prioritise work) ... being in debt that I wasn't really taking responsibility for.  

Well of course I wasn't!  

If I wasn't taking responsibility for my own happiness and my own life, I wasn't taking it for anything else.  And it sort of got worse and worse.  Inside anyway. Outside I still looked fine and normal (if grown a little quieter) - with a mortgage and my job and all the rest of the trappings of normal life.

One day - I just came to the end.  Nothing was really worse than anything before, but something small happened that was the straw that broke the camel's back and I just had a feeling of utter tiredness that I just couldn't do this any more.  

And suddenly and very clearly, with excitement and honesty and a feeling of joy and strength - my inner voice finally spoke up and said:

 ''Well, don't do it then"

And so I stopped. I didn't do anything that outwardly looked huge.  It was a huge inner shift, a personal thing and outwardly, all that people saw was that I changed jobs.

But for me - I finally took control of my life.  

I gave in my notice at the job that wasn't for me, without a job to go to.  I had three months' notice to find one.  And for the first time ever I asked myself what I wanted from my next job.  I didn't jump into a huge change of working for myself, or running away around the world, or a career change.  Small steps, but big ones.  Staying in the world I knew but consciously choosing something that I would enjoy and that would also give me time in my life to do other things and to work out what things those might be that would make me happy and fulfilled. 

I found it.  A job with a good publishing agency  and - unexpected bonus I hadn't been looking for - walking distance from home. I consciously took a role that was a step 'back' (something I might not have considered before as we're all so conditioned to keep pushing 'up') and yes, I took a bit of a pay cut.  These were conscious decisions to change my lifestyle and start creating the life I wanted. 

Two months after I started my new job - and my over-worked over-cooked brain started coming to life ... (and I'd got my head round the new job a little) - I opened my laptop one day and signed up for a free blog site.  I wrote my first blog post (a recipe for a spicy pork Thai salad) and with a little nervousness and a lot excitement, I posted it on Facebook. 

And that was the beginning.  One day, I'll be back to talk about my blogging journey from that first post and that first site and what I've learnt.

But for today, I'm celebrating (a month late) my two year anniversary of starting to create my own life and choosing what I want to do with it; choosing what makes me happy.

Happy 2nd happiversary! 

PS. Can you relate to any of this and more importantly, what do you consciously choose to do that makes you happy? Did you have a moment that's your own happiversary too? PLEASE SHARE! 

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a day of one's own

Oh I agree.  I agree completely.  

A Room Of One's Own?  Necessary.

And also necessary to me are frequent - and therefore planned-in-the-diary - days of my own.

Days where I know I won't see anyone.  A day there just for me - stretching ahead luxuriously in all the possibilities of what I can do with it.

I know we're not all the same and I know for some of you the thought of a whole day just on your own is probably bringing you out in hives! 

But I love it. And I don't just love it.  

I need it. 

Today, Sunday ... is a day of my own.  Planned in, and totally enjoyed.

So what did I do? 

I started with walking the dog (and earlier than usual - thanks to the clocks going back). I made a Thai omelette for breakfast (with lots of chillies in the dipping sauce). And I did my morning journaling. 

Then ... the day had endless possibilities.  

Today - I started reading this.  

Been looking forward to it for ages and I'm going to see Liz Gilbert speak at the end of the month with a gang of gorgeous girlfriends.

(can't wait)

I know that if you're not used to spending a day on your own, you might skimp on the good food thing.  I never do that! I mean if you really want cereal or toast, then that's one thing.  But if you're having that because it's 'just' you - then that's quite another. 

Today, I decided I really wanted a Sunday roast. So ... what meat, that's the Q? 

I love lamb but have to say a rack of lamb is my favourite lamb rather than a roasting piece. Rack of lamb, dauphinoise, green salad - might, just might, be my 'last supper' dish.  And but oh ... YUM - pork! For the delicious crackling.

But - and mainly because I have horseradish in the fridge due to my Bloody Mary obsession - I chose beef.

Yes, I made myself a Sunday roast.  But because it's my day I'm only having the bits I feel like having. And today that's the meat bit and the roast potatoes bit, with Dijon mustard and horseradish.

And no other veg than a tomato and onion salad (my absolute favourite) with a mustardy French dressing. 

I'm going to write for a while, read for a while and maybe start over from the beginning and watch Chef's Table (one of the best things I've ever watched). It's on Netflix and Netflix is worth getting for Chef's Table alone.  It's not even about food. It's just incredibly beautifully shot and about LIFE.

I'm going to take a walk round the park with the dog.  Have a bath with essential oils.

And have a glass (or two, or maybe even three) of good red wine.

I find this time alone so energising - I can't imagine not having regular time to myself.  To lie on the sofa with a coffee and drift and dream.  Or to be super-productive cleaning the whole flat, or writing a section of my book, or trying out a new recipe.

I know there are people who don't like time on their own but all I have to say is personally I couldn't do without my days of my own. 

What do you think?

(the comments are right down down down at the very bottom of this page if you can't find them!)

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