Camping tips: get the perfect blanket

My no 1 tip for camping (in the U.K. at least) is to get yourself the perfect blanket.

* You can wrap it round you when it gets chilly.

* Take it to the beach to sit on.

* Wear it as a shawl or cloak around your shoulders.

* Snuggle up in it by the fire at night.

* Add it as an extra layer to the outdoor rugs so sitting out is even cosier.

* If you’re going from fire to bed in the small hours and it’s feeling cold you can put it on top of the duvet (forget about sleeping bags on holiday, make a proper (air)bed with duvet/s and pillows).

Me and my blanket

It smells of fresh air, of sea spray, of woodsmoke.

It is a little rough, a little sandy and very warm.

I’ve had this one a year, so for about four camping trips now and haven’t yet needed to wash it - a good shake and airing outside has kept it looking and feeling good (but it can be washed of course when needed).

More camping tips to come … 😀⛺️

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Best avocado beauty hack

OK this is so simple and so good.

Put leftover avocado skins into your bath. Simple.

Yep, you’ve already eaten the lovely nutritious flesh, but don’t throw those skins away!

Pop them in your bath and they will give you the most beautiful moisturising bath ever. You could even rub the skins against your elbows and knees to make sure you get all the goodness from the last bits of flesh as well as the skins themselves.

And that’s it.

If you have more time and/or would like to, you could make a very easy quick face mask with mashed avocado, a little natural yogurt and a dollop of honey.

if there’s any left over, just add it to your bath along with the avocado skins.

This is so easy and so good I’m just going to leave it right here.

Except to say it might be a little bit messy on cleaning the bath, but nothing too horrible.

Do try it!

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Sunbathing .... and my five favourite self tan products

So, I just thought it would be fun to talk tans …

Nope, I’m not a ‘beauty blogger’ but I do love writing about things I love.

BTW this made me start saying that tongue twister, ‘I’m not the pheasant plucker, I’m the pheasant plucker’s son’, but with ‘beauty blogger’ in place of ‘pheasant plucker’, which doesn’t make any sense, but anyway, that’s what immediately sprang to mind.

ANYWAY, anyone who knows me knows I LOVE to sunbathe, to bask in the sun, to drink in its goodness and also to tan.

Sunbathing to me is like re-charging my batteries. I don't read or do anything, I just like to lie in the sun and soak it in.

I didn’t used to be particularly careful with sun protection when I was younger. I’m from the generation where our mums slathered us in Ambre Solaire factor 2 oil and we happily glistened away for hours on the beach, with all the sand naturally sticking to us.

To be fair, that was pretty much the best option back in the early/mid Seventies and I always thought that factor 2 meant at least double the time in the sun without burning, so that’s a good thing!

Also to be fair, I’m not that fair-skinned, tan easily and rarely burn.

But the older I get the more I definitely do want to protect my skin in the sun and have moved up from that factor 2 to more like a 20 (and higher on my face). I always make sure I have something with me to cover up with too, having discovered how important that is the hard way.

And I really, really love having a tan. It just makes me feel better. It makes me feel as good on the outside as soaking in some sun rays makes me feel on the inside and in my heart and soul.

So, I do like to top up and even out my natural light tan in summer and give myself a bit of a subtle golden glow in the winter … and thought I’d share some of my favourite products today.

These are self/fake tan products and gradual tanners, but I might come back and add some bronzing products another time … and I already want to talk about my fave summer candle, so yes, I’ll be back with more on this subject …

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I absolutely adore Lucy Bee products. Yes, she still has her beautiful coconut oil but has moved into ethical, sustainable skincare and tanning products and they are amazing.

I believe all the products are ethically and sustainably sourced and that all are palm-oil-free and vegan, and the skincare range is organic. Have a look at their full social responsibility policies - they’re easy to read too and interesting, don’t be put off by the dull-sounding name.

These tanning products go on well, don’t seem to streak and don’t have (much) of that fake tan smell.

ONE: LUCY BEE NATURALLY GLOWING SELF-TAN DROPS

I love these tanning drops and just put a couple of drops on each cheek and one on the forehead and smooth in, or sometimes mix with my moisturiser.

The colour is really natural on me and you can add fewer or more drops, and use as often as you choose, so the depth of colour is up to you.

Lucy also has some great videos on her site - here’s the one on how to use the tanning drops (for face or body - I prefer the mousse for body).

The drops are so good I have a spare in the cupboard to make sure I don’t run out.

And here’s the full product info.

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TWO: LUCY BEE NATURALLY GLOWING SELF TAN MOUSSE

This is the only self tan I've ever tried that doesn't streak and doesn't smell weird. In fact I actually like the smell of it.

I mean, while it’s on and developing I do look extremely tanned and like I’ve just come back from two weeks somewhere tropical, but after showering or bathing afterward a lot of that colour comes off and leaves a lovely even tan.

Here’s the full product info for this one, and here’s a video on how to use from Lucy - I watched this first before using and it was really helpful, so do recommend you do so.

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THREE: GET A GOOD TANNING MITT

I really like the Lucy Bee tanning mitt too. Helps the self tan go on evenly and stops your hands from getting stained, but I’m sure there are lots of other great tanning mitts around so don’t think you have to get this one but DO GET ONE.

It’s what stops your tan streaking and your hands being stained.

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FOUR: THE BODY SHOP COCONUT BRONZE GRADUAL TAN LOTION

Being from The Body Shop you already know this one is cruelty free. It is also vegan and it includes Community Fair Trade organic virgin coconut oil from Samoa.

I have to start by saying that for me this isn’t what I would call a ‘gradual’ tanner at all as I find it definitely more of a full-on self tan. But it could be different on your skin so this is just my experience.

As I was expecting it to be a light, gradual tanning lotion I was a bit gung-ho with it when I first tried it and ended up very streaky. I also put it on with my hands (as it suggests on the packaging) but that really doesn’t work for me at all and contributed to the streak look and stained palms.

BUT … I love Body Shop stuff so much (I might even have to do a separate list/post of my favourite products) and had heard SUCH good things about this gradual tan lotion that I wanted to give it another try.

And I’m so glad I did! I tried again, being a little more careful, a little more sparing, paying a little more attention and also used my self tan mitt to distribute it evenly - and had amazing results.

Just wash your hands really quickly after using and stop thinking of this as a gradual tanner and more as a self tan and it’s amazing.

It's a great colour on me so I'm really glad I persevered. And I really like the smell of it too.

I usually use it as a quick self tan (now I’ve got the hang of it) or my neck, shoulders, decolletage and arms (and sometimes lower legs) when I'm not up to doing a full body tan.

I buy my Body Shop goodies through Emma Bain, a Body Shop at Home consultant. She also has tons of great product info and new products to share as well as sales and offers and promotions all shared through her free Facebook Group.

She currently has this self tan lotion on sale at £13.30 (instead of the usual £19) - date as of this post published 25 August 2021.

I really want to try the shimmering dry oil in this range too.

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FIVE : AMBRE SOLAIRE TAN MAINTAINER

I only wish it smelled of that beautiful Ambre Solaire sun tan oil - I wonder if that’s still available to buy? I must look into this as soon as I finish writing!

I have used this product since I was in my twenties and I still love it today. I think it was pretty much one of the first gradual self tan products out there, if not the first.

And having tried them all over the years this is still by far and away my favourite.

It’s ethical credentials aren’t perhaps as impressive as the other products in my list but all Garnier products are approved by Cruelty Free International under the Leaping Bunny Programme which I gather from their website is ‘the leading organisation working to end animal testing, and the recognised Cruelty Free Gold Standard’.

It's so, so good, I use it all year round, usually a couple of times a week.

It’s also super good value and easy to find in supermarkets, pharmacies and of course, online.

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Home-made DIY lime coconut sugar body scrub

You actually can’t beat a sugar and oil scrub (I don’t think).

This one has my favourite lime citrus scent and is super-easy to make as well as super-moisturising on the skin.

It’s adorable. If a body scrub can be adorable - and why not?

And the scent just makes me happy - and these simple pleasures are counting for a lot right now.

It’s the same basic recipe as my rose coconut sugar scrub, but with different scent.

You’ll need:

3/4 - 1 cup white granulated sugar

1/3 - 1/2 cup coconut oil (mine was solid ‘cos it’s really cold here right now!)

Zest of 1-2 limes - I had to used two cos the first just wasn’t giving up that zest

Juice of 1 lime

A few drops of lime essential oil if you have it and would like it - it does make the lime fragrance just sing that bit more so I would definitely add if you can

Mash it all up together, put it in a jar and that’s it done!

I think this is really lovely - it’s zingy and fresh and a really good moisturising scrub.

If you have any leftover (as I did) just put it in a little bowl and keep by the sink for an easy-to-reach hand scrub.

Hope you love it too …

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DIY rose coconut sugar body scrub

I love making home made beauty treatments, always have done.

Even as a child I’d read all the herbal and natural remedies books on my parents’ bookshelves and make anything I could …. honey face masks, or chamomile tea hair rinses, or well, anything I heard about and could find the ingredients for really.

I’d had this rose essential oil on my Christmas list this year and was so pleased to receive it! I’ve recently discovered this brand and am really happy with the oils I’ve tried so far, they’re really good value too.

Realised yesterday that I hadn’t yet tried it, so decided to make a body scrub for my bath later that evening.

This is very simple, smells amazing, made my skin incredibly soft and moisturised and also left floating rose petals in the bath which was just lovely and luxurious.

Rose is nurturing, comforting and just right for when you need to be gentle and take care of yourse

You’ll need:

approx 3/4 - 1 cup white sugar

approx 1/3 - 1/2 cup coconut oil (mine was solid as it’s quite cold but you can use liquid of course)

a small handful of dried rose petals (mine are actually a ‘cooks’ ingredient’ from Waitrose, but you could dry your own or they’re easily available online)

10 drops rose essential oil

Mash it all together until it’s completely mixed in and the oil and sugar combined and then put into a clean jar …. and that’s it.

In the bath take a good handful and just enjoy that beautiful scent, the scrub of the sugar and the indulgent moisturising of the coconut oil and then just relax for a while in the rose petal water …

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Coconut milk and honey bath soak

So there I am on Saturday evening, having just made my favourite salad with the chicken and rice poached/cooked with a mix of water and coconut milk, and I was about to put the half a tin of coconut milk left into a bowl and into the fridge …

And then I thought, but wouldn’t that be amazing and gorgeous and nourishing in a bath?

So I ran a very hot bath and threw it in along with a tablespoon of honey.

I made the bath very hot to make sure they melted and blended and dispersed so didn’t get into it for quite a while after to let it cool down of course but when it was I also added a few drops of lavender essential oil.

It was so good I thought I really should work up a more instant, useable and elegant way to enjoy a coconut milk and honey bath soak.

This time I started by putting the coconut milk and honey together in a pan and heating very gently, stirring, until they were just warm and combined, and then removed from the heat and allowed to cool before pouring into a bottle.

It made enough for two baths and it lasted perfectly well overnight on the bathroom windowsill without any ill effects or separating again.

Next time I’ll try keeping it in the fridge to see how that works as an alternative.

This is such a lovely super-moisturising bath soak - it’s so simple to make too and feels really luxurious.

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Creating habits / mindset lessons from my dog

HE DOESN'T KNOW WHY, HE JUST KNOWS WE DO IT

Mindset training from my dog.

He doesn't know why we do it, he just knows that's how it is.

There are two gates leading outside to the street from the front gardens of my apartment block.

The central one I use most of the time.

The other, to the right, is by the gate that leads to the bikes and bins area.

My dog never used to want to wait and go through the gate and walk up the bins area if, say, I couldn't find a bin outside and had a poo bag and needed to get rid of it.

He resisted, he pulled, he didn't see why we couldn't go straight home.

And then I remembered how clever he is and how I need to communicate with him, and that I was confusing him.

So I started ONLY EVER using that outside gate to the street to come in, IF I was then going straight across to the gate that leads to the bins.

Every other time, we use the middle gate and go home.

After only maybe three or four times, he got it.

Now ... we're out having a walk, he does his business, and when I choose that we enter using that gate near the bin gate, well, he rushes ahead of me to wait at the gate to the bin area.

It's quite a large area, with trees, bikes locked, lawn, the wildflower strip to encourage bees and right at the end the recycling and waste bins.

He runs straight up to them, I throw in the little bag, we turn and go straight back out.

Every single time.

I cannot mess this up now of course.

If I were to come in through THAT gate and not the middle gate when I actually want to go straight home ... he would not only be confused but the whole thing would be called off.

Routine, discipline, call it what you will.

BELIEF even - because I can tell you if I ever make a mistake and come through that gate near the bin gate and don't have a poo bag in my hand? I'm STILL going to go up to those big bins and make a throwing movement like I have.

It didn't take long at all, just literally a few times from when I committed that I only used that gate when we then also went to the bins.

And now, for my dog, it's a fact.

it just IS.

That gate, another gate, a run to the bins, turn around and back.

That's just how it is.

And that's how I learn too, through this observing.

Of course, it's the same for me. That's just how it is.

I feel good when I do yoga and journal. It's just how it is.

Ahh but WHEN do I do them?

When I feel like it?

No .. THAT is not a routine or a habit.

i think the example I learned from my dog is perfect.

You do x and so then you do y.

Habits need not just consistency but a trigger.

I do x and then I do y.

One thing then another. One thing links to another. Links create strength.

Habits form, choices become facts.

I wake up and stretch.

I stretch and then I get up.

I get up and then I drink water.

I drink water and then I put the kettle on.

I make hot water and lemon.

I make a little espresso which becomes an iced coffee blended with almond milk.

This means I take it back to bed with my laptop and I journal while I drink it.

This means that that happens.

We come in this door so we go to that door.

This gate leads to that gate.

That's the way it is.

I don't have to understand it but that's how it is.

And I can choose and create ever more powerful habits which actually are UNDERSTANDINGS and BELIEFS ... that simply.

This begets that.

This then that.

After this then that.

That's just the way it is.

It's what I do.

It's what I believe.

And so it is.

I now choose only delicious

It was a perfectly nice salad.

A perfectly good little easy-breezy lunch.

A little fried egg spicy sour Laotian-style salad.

The egg needed to be cooked through and I seem incapable of cooking the yolk through!

But that wasn’t the problem.

In fact there wasn’t a problem at all.

But this little tasty salad made me stop in my tracks today and realise something.

That is was fine. It was nice. It was good.

But - to me - it wasn’t totally, utterly, beautifully, wonderfully … DELICIOUS.

Now, I’m posting the recipe anyway because (and HERE it is ) as you might find it the most delicious thing ever and I’d hate not to share something that was delicious to someone just because it wasn’t to me.

And of course, MANY things are fine, tasty, good … good enough … but, ahhhhhhh, are they DELICIOUS?

My little inoffensive, perfectly good enough, fried egg spicy salad has made me realise.

I am not available for ‘good enough’.

I do not want or choose ‘good enough’.

I choose DELICIOUS.

I choose it for what I cook and for what I eat and for what I feed others.

Only delicious will do!

And I choose it for life.

I choose a DELICIOUS life,.

Delicious love, work, play, health, creativity, body, relationships, clients … ALL areas of life.

Good enough is not enough.

Not any more.

Now, I am only available for deliciousness.

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5 fave foodie films

OK, they’re not all strictly films, as in movies, but hey - they were all FILMED and anyway I can’t really resist a bit of alliteration.

I’m sure that the minute I press ‘publish’, I’ll think of loads more that I really wanted to include - so this may well become ‘More Marvellous Movies’ or something very soon!

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Midnight Diner: Tokyo Stories

I was just completely captivated the very second I started watching this series on Netflix.

Each episode is only about 25 minutes so super-easy to watch.

There’s just so much to love about it.

The stories and characters are brilliant, and I love the way the story each time is around a particular dish.

And I love that sort of theatre thing of the actors acknowledging the audience at the end.

Oh and of course it instantly made me really, really, really made me want to go to Tokyo - and go to this diner - yep, in my mind this is all real, not fiction at all.

One episode is all about omurice, a stuffed omelette and which I then spent some time learning to make! If you’d like to make it too, my recipe is HERE.

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JULIE AND JULIA

Well this one I can just watch again and again and again (and again).

I love it. Everything about it.

I’m a huge Francophile and am currently reading Julia Child’s memoir, ‘My Life in France’ and it’s making me want to watch the film again right now.

Watch it HERE (as I’m about to do!).

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BABETTE’S FEAST

What an incredibly beautiful film, just stunning. I don’t even have words to describe this film - the sisters, the bleakness, the landscape, the feast, the food, everything.

It came out in 1987 (when I was 17) and it wasn’t on general release, just in a few cinemas.

My mum wanted to see it so we all came to London for a weekend from Norfolk and saw it at the beautiful Lumiere cinema on St Martin’s Lane (sadly no longer there) and it was so special.

I’d been wanting to see it again for ages and it didn’t seem to be on DVD and then last year I found it HERE on Amazon Video.

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JIRO DREAMS OF SUSHI

Just amazing.

Jiro is 86 and still working, still working towards perfection, to improve.

He has three Michelin stars and his restaurant is downstairs in a Tokyo metro station with just ten seats.

It’s about food, fatherhood, perfectionism and minimalism.

I can’t find it on Netflix any more but if you can find it, do watch it!

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CHEF’S TABLE

And probably my favourite programme ever … Chef’s Table.

I adored this from the moment I watched the first episode of the first series and I adore it still.

I think I love every episode more each time.

I might just go back to the start and re-watch it all.

This isn’t about food or chefs, it’s about LIFE.

All of life.

And it’s totally wonderful.

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TAKE 10

You just lie flat for ten minutes a day.

This isn’t actually my idea but something my friend Michelle Lowbridge teaches (she’s amazing about all things energy and kinesiology - and more).

It’s so simple too - just lie flat for ten minutes each day.

I think when I realised how hard I was finding it to find ten minutes was when I realised how much I needed to.

And I started combining it with using the orthopaedic pillow recommended by another friend and incredibly talented osteopath Alison Durant.

Ten minute a day lying flat.

Set a timer.

No scrolling, no phone, no reading.

Just be there, lying flat.

It’s so much more powerful than it sounds in terms of physical realignment and energetic alignment and when I do it I feel so much more rested, restored and nurtured than you would ever think just ten minutes could bring.

I’m posting this as I’m still aware that its kind of ridiculous that some days I still don’t find time to do it - and this is my commitment to do so.

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Drift, drift away

I don't want to do anything.

Not even write.

Not even cook.

I want to drift, drift, drift away .... slip away ... fall into the realms that exist within the realms, and into the the worlds between the worlds as they circle and slide and in tiny places collide.

I want to fall into those tiny places ... to be in another place.

My quickest way to access this drifting merging of time and space .... is to take my towel, something soft, anything ... and ... bikini on, so most skin can soak up the life-force rays .... 

I lie in the sun.

I don't want to read, think, talk ...

I just lie, close my eyes, drift off into the magic.

Every single time within a few seconds, I'm there.

There, here, wherever it is.

The light plays on my eyelids - today like the beginning of an old movie.

Somehow the chickens we had when I was a child are ruffling their golden brown feathers in my mind so clearly.

I open my eyes and it's all blue.

I close them and drift again, letting it all fall away.

The sun on my skin is pure goodness, soaking in.

I think I hear my sister's voice now, but I'm not sure what she's saying.

I think I see some words but I'm not sure what they are.

I'm tumbling, allowing, receiving.

The light plays across my eyelids.

I don't even think any more.

I don't even see pictures in my mind's eye any more.

I am at one, right here, just existing, not awake, not asleep ... in that corner of the worlds between worlds.

No words, nothing to do, nothing to be, just this.

Time and space are just concepts.

No thoughts, just this.

I don't know if stayed here for millennia, for seconds, time isn't even a thing.

And I open my eyes and I'm here again ... sleepy, golden-feathered, languid, warm ... that sense, knowledge of having been somewhere, drifted somewhere ... and back replenished.

Sunbathing is my fastest way to this beautiful flow zone, state, meditation, other worldly travel. 

Now ... drinking water, stretching ..... time to be here in this world again for a little while. 

Before I choose to drift, drift, drift away again.

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Be careful - no, be very specific - what you wish for

Three years ago I wrote THIS ....

It's about having wanted a garden, putting my name down for a local garden plot, and some years later getting to the top of the waiting list, getting my garden and realising I didn't enjoy it or choose to spend my time there.

At the time I wrote it, I was really writing about how we show by our actions and our choices what's really important to us, and that I wasn't choosing the garden.

And at the time, I still loved the idea of having this garden and thought that perhaps it just wasn't the right time for me ... so I went back on the waiting list.

And again at that time, I half suspected that I somehow just preferred being on the waiting list - so I could enjoy the anticipation of the garden and how next time I had it I would be totally at one with it, growing plants to pick to cook for dinner that same day (the way I enjoy it when I'm at my parents, where my dad gardens and there's the vegetables, the orchard, the fruit trees).

Anyway.

Here we are three years on and I got the key back to the gardens and my own little raised bed patch!

And again, I day-dreamed about picking the tomatoes and the herbs and the pak choi and all of it, ready to cook fresh that night for dinner.

Ahhhh AND IT'S SO OBVIOUS, ISN'T IT?

I was setting the wrong goal, asking for the wrong outcome for me, working towards the wrong dream!

I didn't want to garden and grow things.

I wanted to pick the freshest vegetables and salads and herbs and fruit to eat and cook with.

So I gave the key back again and despite being offered a return to the waiting list I said no this time.

At the same time, a part of the communal gardens where I live, was being turned from overgrown bushes into a beautiful space with raised beds, mostly for us all to help ourselves and enjoy the produce - a communal kitchen garden that I see every day when I look out the window.

I love watching it all grow - and I love taking a courgette, a handful of mixed salad leaves, a few tomatoes ... to make dinner.

So be careful what you wish for  ...

Or rather, be very specific about what you wish for!

Set a goal for having a garden and no doubt you'll get a garden.

But if you really wanted fresh produce from the garden, well, that's a different goal ... 

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I've had this happen before - in another, very beautiful way - a different way, a different example but the same principle.

Several years ago, I set a goal, my DREAM to have a house on the beach.

I want to be able to be by the sea more often, to be able to walk out the door and be there on the beach - in my dream especially in winter, where it's empty, a huge beach to walk along, watching the waves and the surf, drinking in that air, hearing that crashing noise of the sea ... just being there and having that on my doorstep.

So there it was - my beach house dream.

I journaled and meditated and kept it in my mind's eye, I could SEE it ... and I changed my passwords so every day I'm typing and retyping 'mybeachhouse'.

And then .... my sister and her family moved from where they were in a smaller house high on the cliffs above the sea to a much larger house right there, round the corner from the beach. They have spare rooms and one of the attic bedrooms I always feel is 'my room'.

I realised that I had it then, I had my 'beach house' by being able to stay with my family where they have room for me - any time really I want and I get to be with people I love too.

Without worrying about keeping a house looked after while I'm not there, without worry at all.

So it might not be 'my' beach house, but then again it is.

It's where I get to go and be on the beach - oh and yes it is exactly the beach of my dreams too.  It's where I love to go to walk and write and escape and dream - and chat and laugh and have fun too  - how perfect, how much more perfect really than it being just me.

I've realised I need to be specific about what my goals are if I want to achieve them.

I got 'my beach house' - just in a different way than I'd been imagining.

And I got the garden I wanted ... and realised it wasn't the garden in itself that I'd been after - it was the produce from the garden.

I really love these little lessons in being super-clear with myself exactly what it is that I want and dream of and choose to call in and bring to life.

Be very, very specific about what you wish for! 

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For when you don't even know what it is you want

I've been feeling a little lost this year, to be honest.

Nothing dramatic, but just ... unsure, and the strange feeling has been that I'm unsure of what I want. Of what I want to be, to do, to have, unsure of what I'm aiming for, or what my goals are.

And that in itself is what's making me feel a little lost as I'm usually very sure of my goals, no matter how often, how much they change - that's all fine - but I know what they are.

And I like to feel decisive as well, I like to feel sure - it's a combination that makes me feel good - feeling very sure, but at the same time very open to changing what it is I'm feeling sure about.

But for most of this year ... I don't know.

And now, sitting here on yet another gorgeous hot summer day, over the last couple of days of yet more gorgeous hot summer days ... I've come to realise something.

What I've been doing is fighting that feeling and willing myself, demanding of myself to just do it ... just DECIDE something, set a goal, anything - but just decide!

I kept trying - YEAH NOW I KNOW - I said time and time again.

I kept trying ... and I kept lying.

I didn't know.

It hasn't felt great and I've wrestled with it - how this TRYING and not somehow finding it makes me feel weak and indecisive and slow ...

I've blamed my indecision and lacklustre-ness for putting on a few pounds, for sleeping more, for writing less, creating less ... for FEELING less.

Last Friday I kind of got hit round the head (in a good way!) - with looking at it the other way round.

TWO clear messages in one day, when I'm ready to hear them - oh yes, I hear you!

First, there was the quote that morning on my Chrome Momentum - I can't actually remember it now and didn't take a note of it, which I find interesting in itself - it's like I GOT the message I needed to hear and didn't need to keep the message itself.

Later that day I read an email from James Altucher (sometimes I read his emails, sometimes I don't, so I know this one I was meant to) and it was all about his daily practices. Oh, and I just went back to find the email and I can't ... so seems again, the message is that which I GOT from it, not his message in and of itself.

Ah, but also trusting myself - not checking back what it was I saw and read, trusting in what I learned and realised. I'm pretty sure his email was about NOT having goals but having processes.

These two messages, in one day, and I feel like I've stumbled across something totally new for me - that it's not always having a goal, deciding to achieve it, eyes on the horizon and one foot in front of the other.

NO.  

Sometimes, it's not knowing but trusting in the practice.

Sometimes it's feeling lost, but choosing the process.

And so I used his framework to journal around what my own practices are ... for my Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual habits.

My own framework, my processes, that I trust if I (in the main) follow, then I will find my own path through, and that doing this is ENOUGH, in and of itself, it's enough - and I'm open to where it takes me and what it shows me.

There are goals and adventures all around me that I'm not even aware of and I'm trusting that trusting in the process (and I can change my processes at any time of course) .. will open up something exciting and magical ... goals will be met and dreams realised that I didn't even know I had.

Turning it on its head feels good and it's also immediately stopped me feeling lost.

I KNOW again what I'm doing and what I'm doing is NOT setting a goal, an outcome, a dream ... not right now.

Right now, I'm choosing my practices, processes, habits.

THESE are mine ... what are yours?

PHYSICAL: walk 10k steps a day - make time for my beloved yoga  - choose good food that nurtures and nourishes me and is aligned with where I am with choosing my happy weight - sleep around 11pm most nights.

I'm also going to be creating my dream body, step by tiny step, choice by tiny choice and choosing to WORK ON IT.

EMOTIONAL: cut out negative people who drag me down -spend time with and help those I love - be wholehearted - love myself in the same way - never feel I need to explain - I owe no-one an explanation.

MENTAL: journaling - write down 10 ideas a day - use my Duolingo app and keep learning a language - read something inspiring or do some of a course I'm taking or go back to something I've taken I'd like to go through again.

SPIRITUAL: meditation (keep using my Daily Calm) - read and learn more about Buddha's teachings and about philosophy - gratitude and forgiveness practice.

I'm feeling the best I've felt in a long while now that weight is off my shoulders of feeling I don't KNOW where I'm going or doing or what I want!

I choose to DO those things that make me feel great and see what comes up.

Everything will change again I know, but for now, this feels good - and freeing, and new. I'm interested to see what happens and what new ideas are now able to come to the surface.

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Thailand & me

You don't know how to love and you have nothing to give.

I will wait.

I will wait and show you the most beauty and I will watch - and you show the most ugly.

I will show you everything.

I will wait until you break.

I have all the time in the world.

Until you realise you can't break because there is nothing to break.

You are nothing, you give nothing.

I will wait and when you give and when you break, you will break here, into me, and I will hold you.

I won't rescue you.

I am everything. I see everything.

There is beauty in the ugly and strength in the weak and so much you didn't ever know about yourself.

You have to break, because you are holding it all in.

Pretending. You don't know who you are and really, you are nothing.

You haven't made yourself.

Here is where I show you everything and if you are the person I know you are, here you will break and make..

You will feel the mayhem caress you, the chaos calm you.

The noise and the heat and the smells start you alive.

And the beauty and calm will enrage you - and you won't know how to cope with it.

You're going to be broken open and only you - and I - know that right here that is ok.

I won't change for you - but I am here to absorb it all - and you can do this.

Right here you can be broken open - you can be wrong - you can be ugly - you can let it out.

You can't not let it out.

This isn’t new, it's not going to come out like pretty tears.

It's going to come out like death, destruction, anger, rage, remorse, revenge.

And love.

And I will still be here.

My tides going out, the stars above, that beauty, the truth.

You don't even know what's true, what's you, what's not true.

But here ... that doesn't matter.

That's exactly what you have to, want to, learn.

To become you.

You're selfish and scared.

That's fine.

I'll hold up the mirror for you.

Sometimes where you see beauty, I show you pain.

Sometimes you can't comprehend and yet I show you ease.

Here's phosphorescence - and you start to live in that moment in your body and just in that moment, nowhere else.

You're self obsessed and scared.

I know.

The sun rises at 7am and sets at 7pm and there is an order in the world.

There is complexity and hardship and this is not a comfortable place.

I will challenge you. I will break you.

You never thought you could.

You thought it was going to be picture postcard - and wondered why it wasn't an easy beauty.

It was so intense it felt strangely bland and it was all too hot, too noisy, too mad, too manic, too too too too too everything.

You wanted to cry, but you didn't.

You wanted to love me, but you didn't.

You steeled yourself because it was hurting you and you didn't understand why.

You resisted me.

You fought against. You tried to create order.

You tried to own.

You tried to make it about you.

And then you cried and you saw that you had no power.

That you didn't know where you were or who you are.

And so you tried out experiences, tried on extremes - you wanted to feel anything other than that which I was making you feel.

Which was YOU.

Some people don't get it. Some don't want to.

I'm proud of you.

You broke, you saw, you opened - and we became one.

I healed you as I broke you.

You became strong when you fell.

I will never change. I am the constant.

Here is not easy.

It is real.

And true.

And sometimes you didn't know what was true, what was me, what was you.

You started choosing and creating truth.

You made the phosphorescence.

And the squid boats on the horizon.

The jungle looking back impassive as you stand in the water.

You made the stars.

You made the sea.

You turned yourself inside out and back to front and confronted you to be home here with me.

We became as one. At one.

I am the land, the sea, the jungle, the people.

The love, the struggle, the hardship, the faith.

The truth, the power, the infinite goodness, the infinite strength and the infinite struggle.

We became one when you stopped resisting me, fighting against me, came back home.

Back home for the first time.

The lights, noise, heat, smells, food, traffic, people, mayhem and sheer wonder of the cities.

The blackness of the sea after a storm and the ravaged sand, and the blue skies and the grey, the angry seas and the still.

I hurt and cried and did things I wish I hadn't and I didn't do things I wish I had.

This is where I learned love and fear and strength and everything.

It is always coming home.

The untamed wilds of my heart came home.

The unnamed restlessness inside me stilled.

I am free.

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What makes me feel ... ?

What makes me feel strong?

What makes me feel serene?

What makes me feel grounded?

What makes me feel creative?

What makes me feel connected to the Universe, Spirit, God? 

I've been asking myself these questions and journaling each morning on them for a week or so now, and my answers - well, there are definite patterns, things that come up, the same answers again and again.

Some only show up once or twice, sure, but ... 

If I want to feel and be these things that I want to be?

Strong, serene, grounded, creative, connected to the world and its source.

Then I'm prioritising making space for:

* yoga

* being outdoors in nature, preferably the beach

* a surprising one for me as I don't need a lot of sleep - but I know how strong and good I feel when I do sometimes get 7 hours, so that's definitely going on the list

* writing

* cooking

* making great food choices and really choosing to nourish myself

* reading

* getting a massage

* having a clean and serene house

I was surprised at some - ok, mainly how much having a clean home environment means to me. but it gives the feeling of space and freedom and is the foundation from which I then feel inspired to do all the other things.

But now that I know the things that give me so much - so much - and create how I want to feel and be?

Well, these are the things I'm now prioritising in 2018 - whether I 'feel' like them or not.

And if I don't have time ... er, I do have time, I just need to prioritise these things above other things.

It's taken me a couple of weeks to think about this one, mull it over, let it brew, journaling day after day.

And it seems actually - for me to feel and be strong, serene, at one with the world, happy and creative - I just need to allow these things that make me feel that way be important.

I wholeheartedly encourage you to do this simple exercise too - and would love to know what your things are that you'll be making space and time for this year.

Happy New Year everyone x

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4 years since starting this blog ... starting creating my life ...

Four years ago last Saturday was the day I started my blog.

It looked terrible (and I knew it, but I'd never blogged before, never tried to do this, and I couldn't make it look how I wanted. So I let that go).

It was called Racey's Thai Cooking (Racey's a family nickname).

And this was a year and a bit on! I kept adding content, even though I was stuck on how to make it look good.

It was the first time I'd written something that wasn't an email or report or a presentation in YEARS (and years and years).

And it was the start of a total passion - sharing recipes, food, writing, that has lead to so many other things - including creating The Tiniest Thai supperclub and the Thai Diet ... and lead to meeting so many new friends.

It was terrifying pressing publish that first time.

My writing didn't flow.

I honestly worried people would laugh at me.

I thought maybe I should have posted a few recipes/posts/blogs before announcing I was doing this - not 'launch' it with just that one post.

But what felt right to me then - and has done ever since - is to SAY you're doing something .... and then you kinda have to DO IT.

I'm better with a deadline and/or some accountability!

It was also a time in my life where I'd made a huge decision to focus on creating space to find what I loved doing.

At the same time, it was in many ways one of the loneliest times in my life - where I realised that it was down to ME and only me - to create what I wanted, to create my life.

And. THANK YOU.

Thank you to everyone for not only not laughing (why do we even have those stupid thoughts?) but for supporting and encouraging and even - a million more THANK YOUs - trying my recipes and commenting and sharing - and coming to my supperclub.

To celebrate four years, I'm going to be doing a couple of celebration supperclub/parties - on me of course - so comment or message me if you'd like to come (and if you've been before I'll be messaging you to invite you. Soon as I've worked out what dates I can actually do).

It's been a truly transformational four years.

When I started blogging it was about something much bigger than blogging.

It was starting again - choosing to do something just because I wanted to and wanted to do something creative.

Something that was in me but hadn't had any outlet at all.

And it has been - and IS - something much bigger than that for me.

It's truly been life changing to see what happens when you choose what you really want to do and make time and space for that - and then see all the opportunities and connections and things you couldn't even see or think would happen... come from that.

Just start. Totally imperfect and scared.

Whatever it is that's calling you, nagging inside you.

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Paris je t'aime ... 2 nights in Paris

I went with my niece .... just for two nights.

To get some Paris.  I needed Paris, she needed Paris. 

I think a little piece of all our hearts remains in Paris - however mad it sounds, even if we've never been .. you know it when you get there, there's always a little sense of coming home.

We wanted Paris and we wanted Montmartre and the little apartment was perfect, on the top (fourth) floor, on the Rue Muller which leads to the steps which lead to the Sacré-Cœur Basilica. 

The Sacré-Cœur. I cry every time I light a candle there and feel the overwhelming sense of history turning. Those candles that never go out, that each light another, as lives light other lives. I think of history, of people gone before, of my place in the world, my place right here in this place in the world.

There's no getting away from the fact that we live in times that are tense too - the day we arrived there had been another terror attack on soldiers in Paris.

It makes you feel the hand of history even more, I think, and the emotions of the fragility of life and the endurance too.

The Sacré-Cœur is breathtaking and overwhelming and also brings such a sense of peace.

There is a service taking place and the nuns sing and we take seats and stay to breathe it all in, take it all in, take these moments.

We go back the next day too, to take it all again and carry that essence with us, before we leave.

In the mornings, I stick my head out the little skylight window above the bed in the mezzanine bedroom where you can't stand up straight and see the Sacré-Cœur again.

And we go to the 'Amelie' cafe, Cafe des Deux Moulins and, bien sur, had the crème brûlée (after my niece has camembert with honey and thyme, and I have steak tartare), and we both have red wine.

We stay up talking over bread and wine and cheese from the very good supermarket just five minutes walk away.

We go out for fresh bread and croissants first thing and to sit with a coffee in the sunshine, before returning for breakfast chez nous.

Later when it rains we choose one of the many gorgeous-looking bistros - Le Sancerre - on the Rue des Abbesses and journal and write companionably together over French onion soup (her) and oysters with a glass of Sancerre (me).

When the sun is out we browse and walk and discover ... from the huge fabric shop Le Marche St Pierre to peeping into the Museum of Montmartre and the Renoir Gardens to choosing macarons in the most beautiful little shop.

We walk and walk and walk - and up and down so many flights of steps!

Usually the app on my phone shows 3-4 flights of steps climbed every day, sometimes up to 8 or 9 ... in Montmartre it was 48 flights one day and 37 the next!

We walk to my favourite restaurant for dinner - Bouillon Chartier - after queuing as always to get in, we love the bustle and noise and people-watching.

And the escargots, bread, steak haché and frites ... and all at such incredible value.

One last evening walk for a last cocktail sitting outside as it grows dark and one last walk down the iconic steps back to the apartment.

We don't want to leave ... but at just a 15 minute walk to the Gare du Nord and the simplest journey on the Eurostar back to St Pancras, agree not to leave it so long before returning.

After all, a little piece of my heart lives here.

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If you don't choose your habits, they'll choose you

If you don't consciously decide what you want, consciously create your life?

Guess what?

Yep. Life happens anyway.

And like many things, maybe it's easier to start small, rather than big, like, well, LIFE.

Smaller things get you into the HABIT of creating what you want and achieving them and building that practice.

Small things add up to become big things (I know you know this, I'm not being patronising, just thinking out loud).

And talking of habits, habits are a great place to start.

If you don't consciously choose your habits ... guess what?

Your habits will choose - and define, BECOME you. Part of you.

What you do and what you choose is who you are - and you can change that at any time.

Without consciously choosing habits you might find habits find you ...

The habit of watching TV mindlessly.

The habit of endlessly scrolling Facebook, looking for something, anything interesting and thought-provoking.

Oh and similarly, the habit of feeding yourself food that doesn't have the nourishment, the nutrition, your body needs and craves, so again you're left hungry, endlessly wanting more.

But what more?

Housework habits, 'duty' habits, oh-I-have-to-do-the-ironing habits ... then flop on the sofa for some TV.

THESE habits are often masking that you haven't CHOSEN your true 'YOU' habits.

Well, not so for everyone I guess.

I suppose some people genuinely choose to do these things (and for most people YES sometimes) ... and that's great ... but when it's not a choice, it's a mindless HABIT?

You know you can choose another habit?

Starting with perhaps how do you WANT to feel?

NOT how do you currently feel.

Giving in to the voice of the how you NOW feel will NEVER move you into being how you WANT to feel, to be.

You have to consciously choose it.

How you want to feel and who you want to be.

The person who gets home after a long day (ok, many long days, this isn't a one-off) and eats a takeaway full of goodness-knows-what whilst slumped in terrible posture watching - well, do you even know what? - on TV.

YES, sometimes.

But also, YES you're exhausted and stressed and tired ... but you CAN also choose other habits.

It doesn't have to be hard.

Some things (including plenty of recipes on my site) are easier and quicker to cook fresh than to heat up or order in.

And it's all about TRUE self-care and looking after you.

That means choosing a shower, choosing a great book, choosing a quick stretch or yoga online practice to keep it easy (I do).

(I'm not saying you instantly turn into someone who wants to go to the gym at 9pm, but hey you MIGHT choose that, now you think about what you want to choose).

It might mean writing, journaling, a Skype with a friend, learning something new.

Habits become non-negotiables in your life (like cleaning your teeth).

Mine aren't (yet) always so, but I really, really now feel it and miss it when I don't for whatever reason DAILY:

- journal in the morning
- make good food choices that nourish me (and taste great of course)
- move my body in some way (usually Yoga With Adriene
- personally I also love to cook so a day without cooking something makes me feel 'off'

Ha! Just caught myself I thinking I need to think of more than these three / four ... but WHY?

I'm all about making it easy and you know it's actually not always that easy to do those three or four key things.

Isn't that funny, how our human brains almost want to make things HARDER?!

These are my chosen habits - that make me feel great, give me a foundation for my day - when I do them I feel stronger, clearer, more able to get everything else done.

I'm going to choose to add in a short 10-minute meditation practice soon but for now making my journaling and yoga practice daily - allowing it to become daily - allowing that time for me, to say that time for me daily is precious, is a PRIORITY ...

I'm still learning to make that my reality.

What are - or will be - your chosen habits?

The ones that make you YOU, the you you choose to be?

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It's not all or nothing - you can do SOMETHING!

It's not all or nothing ...

I know, I know, right? I talk about this all the time in my diet group ... and yet ...

Sometimes you find yourself with words and thoughts that are still coming from that way of thinking.

So in Paris, last week, we were staying in an apartment on the top floor, four floors up.

And we were at the foot of the Sacre Coeur, climbing up and down those iconic steps with those lamposts many, many times a day.

Here's the screenshot of my steps/flights climbed app on my phone - yes, my usual number of flights climbed daily is around 3 or 4, going up to 10 on occasion.

In Paris, I did 48 and then 37.

Not deliberately - because that's just how it was.

And I was talking to my travel companion, my beautiful and clever niece, about how maybe when I got back I should try going up the 8 flights of stairs to my office ... (and UGH, I've tried it a couple of times and UGH).

She suggested I walk up four flights then get the lift the next floor ... and build it up.

I don't know why I haven't ever considered this before - but I hadn't.

I started doing it when I got back and it's perfect ....

What can you do to make things easier? Start them slower? Make it more sustainable, something to build on?

This was a great lesson for me ... and I'm now thinking where else I can apply it ... 

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How do you WANT to feel? (Not what DO you feel like?)

It takes just a split second.

One decision.

As my favourite poem says:

'In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse'.

The question isn't 'what do you feel like doing right now'?'.

Well, not usually, the question is, 'what do you want to feel like? what is the outcome, the result you want?'

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I fell out of my daily yoga habit that made me feel so great, strong and good.

There was a mini heatwave (but hey 35 degrees in a small Notting Hill flat is too hot for yoga).

So that was a few days ... and I wasn't feeling it.

But I missed the outcome for sure .. but somehow, seemingly not enough to get back in the habit.

Why is that?

That the things that make us feel great, that we KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt are GOOD ... we still resist.

And then I jumped and fell and was shaken up and covered in bruises and couldn't even THINK of a downward dog without wincing.

But that was ten days ago and it's been totally nagging at me that I haven't got back to my daily practice.

The last few days, honestly, I've been pretending that I'll just do a short practice - that 7-minute one - but guess what?

I didn't even do that.

Today ... I got sick of myself and my excuses for not doing what makes me feel great.

And I did it fast!

I decided I wanted the outcome.

I wanted to feel how good I feel after half an hour of yoga.

Mat out. Did it.

And yep, feel great.

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It's always about the outcome, the result, the desired feeling.

Never about what you feel like in that moment.

Sometimes the two are the same.

Sometimes they're not.

But it's that easy (and that hard, I know).

Practice, remembering how good it feels to make that decision - makes it easier, makes that choosing-the-outcome-muscle easier to exercise.

What's the outcome you want?

Choose THAT action to take.

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