You don't know how to love and you have nothing to give.
I will wait.
I will wait and show you the most beauty and I will watch - and you show the most ugly.
I will show you everything.
I will wait until you break.
I have all the time in the world.
Until you realise you can't break because there is nothing to break.
You are nothing, you give nothing.
I will wait and when you give and when you break, you will break here, into me, and I will hold you.
I won't rescue you.
I am everything. I see everything.
There is beauty in the ugly and strength in the weak and so much you didn't ever know about yourself.
You have to break, because you are holding it all in.
Pretending. You don't know who you are and really, you are nothing.
You haven't made yourself.
Here is where I show you everything and if you are the person I know you are, here you will break and make..
You will feel the mayhem caress you, the chaos calm you.
The noise and the heat and the smells start you alive.
And the beauty and calm will enrage you - and you won't know how to cope with it.
You're going to be broken open and only you - and I - know that right here that is ok.
I won't change for you - but I am here to absorb it all - and you can do this.
Right here you can be broken open - you can be wrong - you can be ugly - you can let it out.
You can't not let it out.
This isn’t new, it's not going to come out like pretty tears.
It's going to come out like death, destruction, anger, rage, remorse, revenge.
And love.
And I will still be here.
My tides going out, the stars above, that beauty, the truth.
You don't even know what's true, what's you, what's not true.
But here ... that doesn't matter.
That's exactly what you have to, want to, learn.
To become you.
You're selfish and scared.
That's fine.
I'll hold up the mirror for you.
Sometimes where you see beauty, I show you pain.
Sometimes you can't comprehend and yet I show you ease.
Here's phosphorescence - and you start to live in that moment in your body and just in that moment, nowhere else.
You're self obsessed and scared.
I know.
The sun rises at 7am and sets at 7pm and there is an order in the world.
There is complexity and hardship and this is not a comfortable place.
I will challenge you. I will break you.
You never thought you could.
You thought it was going to be picture postcard - and wondered why it wasn't an easy beauty.
It was so intense it felt strangely bland and it was all too hot, too noisy, too mad, too manic, too too too too too everything.
You wanted to cry, but you didn't.
You wanted to love me, but you didn't.
You steeled yourself because it was hurting you and you didn't understand why.
You resisted me.
You fought against. You tried to create order.
You tried to own.
You tried to make it about you.
And then you cried and you saw that you had no power.
That you didn't know where you were or who you are.
And so you tried out experiences, tried on extremes - you wanted to feel anything other than that which I was making you feel.
Which was YOU.
Some people don't get it. Some don't want to.
I'm proud of you.
You broke, you saw, you opened - and we became one.
I healed you as I broke you.
You became strong when you fell.
I will never change. I am the constant.
Here is not easy.
It is real.
And true.
And sometimes you didn't know what was true, what was me, what was you.
You started choosing and creating truth.
You made the phosphorescence.
And the squid boats on the horizon.
The jungle looking back impassive as you stand in the water.
You made the stars.
You made the sea.
You turned yourself inside out and back to front and confronted you to be home here with me.
We became as one. At one.
I am the land, the sea, the jungle, the people.
The love, the struggle, the hardship, the faith.
The truth, the power, the infinite goodness, the infinite strength and the infinite struggle.
We became one when you stopped resisting me, fighting against me, came back home.
Back home for the first time.
The lights, noise, heat, smells, food, traffic, people, mayhem and sheer wonder of the cities.
The blackness of the sea after a storm and the ravaged sand, and the blue skies and the grey, the angry seas and the still.
I hurt and cried and did things I wish I hadn't and I didn't do things I wish I had.
This is where I learned love and fear and strength and everything.
It is always coming home.
The untamed wilds of my heart came home.
The unnamed restlessness inside me stilled.
I am free.
