mindset

Creating habits / mindset lessons from my dog

HE DOESN'T KNOW WHY, HE JUST KNOWS WE DO IT

Mindset training from my dog.

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He doesn't know why we do it, he just knows that's how it is.

There are two gates leading outside to the street from the front gardens of my apartment block.

The central one I use most of the time.

The other, to the right, is by the gate that leads to the bikes and bins area.

My dog never used to want to wait and go through the gate and walk up the bins area if, say, I couldn't find a bin outside and had a poo bag and needed to get rid of it.

He resisted, he pulled, he didn't see why we couldn't go straight home.

And then I remembered how clever he is and how I need to communicate with him, and that I was confusing him.

So I started ONLY EVER using that outside gate to the street to come in, IF I was then going straight across to the gate that leads to the bins.

Every other time, we use the middle gate and go home.

After only maybe three or four times, he got it.

Now ... we're out having a walk, he does his business, and when I choose that we enter using that gate near the bin gate, well, he rushes ahead of me to wait at the gate to the bin area.

It's quite a large area, with trees, bikes locked, lawn, the wildflower strip to encourage bees and right at the end the recycling and waste bins.

He runs straight up to them, I throw in the little bag, we turn and go straight back out.

Every single time.

I cannot mess this up now of course.

If I were to come in through THAT gate and not the middle gate when I actually want to go straight home ... he would not only be confused but the whole thing would be called off.

Routine, discipline, call it what you will.

BELIEF even - because I can tell you if I ever make a mistake and come through that gate near the bin gate and don't have a poo bag in my hand? I'm STILL going to go up to those big bins and make a throwing movement like I have.

It didn't take long at all, just literally a few times from when I committed that I only used that gate when we then also went to the bins.

And now, for my dog, it's a fact.

it just IS.

That gate, another gate, a run to the bins, turn around and back.

That's just how it is.

And that's how I learn too, through this observing.

Of course, it's the same for me. That's just how it is.

I feel good when I do yoga and journal. It's just how it is.

Ahh but WHEN do I do them?

When I feel like it?

No .. THAT is not a routine or a habit.

i think the example I learned from my dog is perfect.

You do x and so then you do y.

Habits need not just consistency but a trigger.

I do x and then I do y.

One thing then another. One thing links to another. Links create strength.

Habits form, choices become facts.

I wake up and stretch.

I stretch and then I get up.

I get up and then I drink water.

I drink water and then I put the kettle on.

I make hot water and lemon.

I make a little espresso which becomes an iced coffee blended with almond milk.

This means I take it back to bed with my laptop and I journal while I drink it.

This means that that happens.

We come in this door so we go to that door.

This gate leads to that gate.

That's the way it is.

I don't have to understand it but that's how it is.

And I can choose and create ever more powerful habits which actually are UNDERSTANDINGS and BELIEFS ... that simply.

This begets that.

This then that.

After this then that.

That's just the way it is.

It's what I do.

It's what I believe.

And so it is.

How do you WANT to feel? (Not what DO you feel like?)

It takes just a split second.

One decision.

As my favourite poem says:

'In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse'.

The question isn't 'what do you feel like doing right now'?'.

Well, not usually, the question is, 'what do you want to feel like? what is the outcome, the result you want?'


I fell out of my daily yoga habit that made me feel so great, strong and good.

There was a mini heatwave (but hey 35 degrees in a small Notting Hill flat is too hot for yoga).

So that was a few days ... and I wasn't feeling it.

Rachel Redlaw me on yoga mat

But I missed the outcome for sure .. but somehow, seemingly not enough to get back in the habit.

Why is that?

That the things that make us feel great, that we KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt are GOOD ... we still resist.

And then I jumped and fell and was shaken up and covered in bruises and couldn't even THINK of a downward dog without wincing.

But that was ten days ago and it's been totally nagging at me that I haven't got back to my daily practice.

The last few days, honestly, I've been pretending that I'll just do a short practice - that 7-minute one - but guess what?

I didn't even do that.

Today ... I got sick of myself and my excuses for not doing what makes me feel great.

And I did it fast!

I decided I wanted the outcome.

I wanted to feel how good I feel after half an hour of yoga.

Mat out. Did it.

And yep, feel great.


It's always about the outcome, the result, the desired feeling.

Never about what you feel like in that moment.

Sometimes the two are the same.

Sometimes they're not.

But it's that easy (and that hard, I know).

Practice, remembering how good it feels to make that decision - makes it easier, makes that choosing-the-outcome-muscle easier to exercise.

What's the outcome you want?

Choose THAT action to take.



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The connection between 'weight' + 'wait'

Wait + weight.  

They've definitely got some connection over and above having the same sound.

You know those times you realise you've kind of put your life on hold, waiting to live it when ... when you've lost weight, when you've done something else, when you feel 'ready' or good enough or whatever it is and certainly for me I put on weight during those times of waiting.  

When I look back those times were when I was 'waiting' in other areas of my live - so in a relationship that wasn't right or good but that I was kind of frozen in, not seemingly able or willing to make a change, or in a job with a bullying culture that I'd sort of started thinking was normal and ok ... and the weight crept on.

It's also been times where the weight WAS the cause of the wait itself ... me avoiding the weight gain, pretending I was happy, ignoring what was happening.


And actually you can change the WHOLE THING, the whole domino effect in your life ... by changing one thing. 

You don't have to really DO anything but DECIDE and then, then it's easy ... but making that decision feels ridiculously hard!

Until you've done it of course and then you look back and think what took me so long, why did I WAIT like that?

I literally had to get to the point where I was SCARED that I wouldn't be able to do anything about my weight and that it was just going to keep going on and on and on, slowly, as it had done for years.


I also hid from it.  I love food and cooking and sort of hid behind that as a reason (excuse) why I couldn't, wouldn't, be able to lose weight.

And I lied too - I was eating much more alone than I did when with others - not what I've always imagined 'binge eating' to be, like bags and bags of crisps or sweets or cakes ...

I just ate probably enough for two or three people and would eat - very good - food but to excess.

I knew I was doing it but it felt as thought I couldn't stop - it's kind of difficult to understand now I look back but in some way I was hiding behind it and I suppose keeping myself stuck but keeping in that mindset and in that body.


Sometimes it can be comfortable in a way just keeping on doing what you're doing - even at the same time as you wish you could jump straight to the outcome and result, without taking action or making it happen yourself.

Honestly though that day I just looked at myself and thought NO MORE, it's starts NOW was the hardest day and then also the easiest.

It was GOOD finally feeling that I'd made the decision, no more hiding, no more pretending - to be happy with my weight, in my body, that I wasn't eating as much as I was - just one foot in front of the other and keep going, make the small changes I KNEW would work if I just did them.


For the first time in years I stood on the scales and confronted the fact that I was the heaviest I'd ever been. The weight itself doesn't matter - it's all about how you feel and if I'd GENUINELY felt good and happy at that weight, well that's great .... but I didn't.

I was unhappy in my skin and when I stood on the scales that day I felt real fear - ridiculous though it sounds - because I hadn't looked at the facts for so long and had hidden from the facts and the scales. I weighed myself, and cried a bit, and then DETERMINED that that day was Day 1 of just starting to take responsibility and make changes.


After that, the wait was over, and the difference in how I felt changed pretty much straight away.

The wait was over and the weight started to come off.



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What do you want your life to be?

So, a few years ago, four years ago, was when I finally 'woke up'.

In some ways, when I was born, or became an adult ... took responsibility.

It feels now looking back to my whole adult life before, that I'd been living in the dark.

I was in quite a dark place emotionally too - in a really awful bullying job, but then something happened in that job that made me suddenly realise I didn't have to do it. I DID have a choice.

And that was the beginning.

I realised that in the WHOLE time before then, I had never once realised that it was my choice. And now I mean my life.

I never once decided consciously what I wanted my life to be, who I wanted to be, what I wanted to make it.

I chose from the choices I could see - this holiday or that, this job opportunity or that one, even relationships.

My eyes opened and since then I've been consciously experimenting and exploring and discovering what I CHOOSE and what I WANT and make my life to be.

It started with baby steps. Well, I say that but it's was actually a pretty big step deciding that I didn't want a stressful job, and I wanted something that gave me time to pursue finding out what I DID like to do and want to do.

And as these things tend to, once I knew that's what I was going to choose, I found a job which at that time was a ten minute walk from my house (unheard of in London! We've since moved office but that's ok - at the time it was exactly what I needed).

I started blogging about Thai cooking and sharing some recipes.

Doing something CREATIVE at last. For ME.

And my whole life started to change, to become somehow CLEAR and I started to feel my way into how it felt to realise that I could make things happen if I just CHOSE.

So, it took into my 40's to realise it - that I'd been stuck, not thinking, just letting things happen, drifting really and letting other people - particularly work - dictate my life. And happiness.

It's NEVER too late to start to choose and create the life you want. Consciously choose.

You can be anything you want.



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That conversation in my own head about food ...

Sometimes I just talk and talk and argue with myself.

What to do, what do you want to do - no, what do you really want to do?

Really, you want to do that even though you won't feel great and it won't nourish you?

Yes, I'm going to really love it and enjoy it!

Well, choose it then! Those are excellent reasons.

Ummm, but ...

Oh you want me to convince you?!

I don't have to do that, you KNOW what will feel best - what the results are - feeling really good and knowing you made a choice that did that.

But why's it so hard! I think I DO need rice with the chicken stir fry not just veg....

Ok. If that's what you decide. But decide consciously- then have it and LOVE it. So you're sure?

No!! I KNOW I'll feel better having the chicken and vegetables for lunch.

AND THATS HOW LUNCH CAME ABOUT.

Conscious decisions. Decide. It gets easier once you really know and BELIEVE in how much better you feel.

And my experience is I argue harder with myself when I know I don't really want it.

When I absolutely KNOW I want those chips, or whatever it is, I'm pretty certain straight away ... and I have them and love it!

It's annoying to be always arguing with yourself but it just takes practice ...

Do it; try it. It's interesting to see what comes out with this inner tussle (some of it hilarious).

Let the you you want to be all the time win 💛

Rachel Redlaw


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