The little dog with big self esteem

You can see by the way he stands that this is a little dog with a lot of confidence.

Sure of himself, happy, secure.

That stance, full of pride and contentment, almost looking like he's surveying his empire.

That tail, upright and sure. He's interested and alert and eager - and he rarely doubts himself.

In fact, he usually believes he can do anything.

In the very best way, he feels he is entitled to good things, for things to go well, to be loved for being him and even to get to sleep in a huge bed (well, sometimes!).

And I think that's partly his character, partly the traits of his breed and partly the way I talk to him. 

Every day he hears how great he is, how clever, how funny.

Every day, many, many times a day he hears things like, 'YOUR'RE THE BEST!' and 'I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!'.

So much positive reinforcement, positive messages for the whole 8 years of his life. 

And I do think it's got a lot to do with it.

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Which every now and then gets me thinking that this is not the way a lot of us speak to ourselves.

Language is so important, and the way we talk to ourselves has such an impact.

Many of us talk to ourselves in a way would NEVER talk to anyone else - we can be harsh and judgemental.

Our inner voices often tell us that we're not great or clever or funny. 

We tell ourselves we should do more, could do more, aren't doing enough and what we're doing isn't good enough.

We can be very harsh on ourselves and yes, just sometimes, it might be useful and the push we need.

But often I think we could do with giving ourselves a bit more praise and love.

I think if we told ourselves several times a day, 'YOU'RE THE BEST!', 'YOU'RE SO GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO!', 'I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!' etc etc, it would have a big effect.

No more, 'mm I'm not sure that's good enough'.

A lot more, 'that's fantastic, press publish!' would go a long way.

Even just as we go about our daily lives, an inner voice could be encouraging us, bolstering our confidence and courage and growing our ability to create, share, grow and help.

To be the people we were meant to be, want to be.

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Being your best version of you

This is what it's all about really, isn't it?

When we really get down to it, this is what's really going on.

We have this yearning inside, even if don't recognise what it is.  

This feeling that something's not right, that it's 'off'.

When we're not fulfilling our potential it, somehow irks, it niggles away at you ... sometimes (like me, for YEARS) and you kind of know things aren't RIGHT, but then again, well, they're not WRONG are they?

You're going through life like everyone else, going to work, going on holiday, passing the time, but y'know, as time passes (and passes), that urge gets deeper, that feeling that there MUST be something more.

And for us? It's even worse isn't it?  We always KNEW there was going to be more, but never knew what it was going to be, waiting for it to happen.

And now, realising that it's not going to happen.

I'll just keep turning up for work, keep doing STUFF to fill the time, not even GOING THERE with what that deep deep down LONGING is trying to say, that's trying to come to the surface.

When we were younger we just KNEW we were destined for more, but we thought destiny would find us.

After what, 20-something years of living a multiple-choice-life ('I'll choose from this, this or this that I can see in front of me) we realise ... hold on ... what do we REALLY want?

We can CHOOSE.

We can choose our lives, our reality and we can then make that happen.

THAT is being the best version of you, the one that allows those feeling to come up, searches them, finds what we really want ... and then we start to go down that path.

For me, it was both big (leaving a job to create the mind-space and time to play with, have fun with, finding what I loved) and small (what I started with - I just started a blog about Thai cooking - but oh goodness that was HUGE for me - the first creative thing I'd done for years, the first thing I was excited about, the first thing I'd done because it was truly because I HAD A MESSAGE and it wanted to come out and I wanted to share).

The best version of me was to give myself - for the first time probably since a child - time to create and share - sharing was important to me. 

I look back now and despite having had an on paper great life with great friends and family and relationships ... I was a bit stuck. I was bored, to be honest, bored with myself.

And I didn't really give anything either, this is a two-way thing! I don't think I gave much in hindsight. Creating and sharing helps with GIVING and giving makes you more open and being more open leads to more creativity, more love, more people, more ideas .. just more LIFE.

And then there was the unsaid unhappiness with the weight gain.  I put it on I think now because I was stuck in other areas of my life - it's definitely 'chicken and egg' on this one.

So if you don't want (yet) to start digging deep and working on finding your real inner motivations and creativity but you're unhappy with your body, your fitness, your food, your relationships, your weight ... well, I'd say start with tackling one of those ... 

When we start confronting, being honest about, tackling, taking control of ANY ONE area of our lives we're not happy with, it starts a ripple effect.

Taking ACTION at one area of becoming YOUR best version of you, that's all you have to.

For me, as I started creating and sharing ... I became even more aware that I was unhappy in my own body.

I had started to believe that when I DECIDE something and choose actions that will help me get to my goals then that's what happens.

DECIDING is the main thing.

BELIEVING it next.

SETTING THE GOAL and then just EYES-ON-THE-HORIZON focused just taking the actions and choices to get there.

You have to choose. But only most of the time - some times you make other choices (of course it's not a straightforward linear process - we're human!).

But once you've made THE BIG choice, you just focus on the goal, the horizon, and go for it.

Little changes, small results = huge happiness at stepping into being the figurehead of your ship.

One area of life moves to another, you see changes and feel excited and empowered and 'why didn't I do this before?' - and you know, that doesn't matter. You're (we're) doing it now.

Life leads us to THIS point and NOW is the only point that matters.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best version of you (whatever that looks like to you). 

Mine included losing weight and feeling really happy in my skin ... and starting to achieve that lead to wanting to be fitter and stronger.

All of it comes together for my big vision for myself as the very best version of myself - I now KNOW I can have it all (as I define having it all for me).

I think we have a tendency - and I don't really know why - to think we can't have it all.

We can be successful in business ... but not look after our health.

We can have healthy, happy bodies .. but maybe our relationships suffer. Etc etc etc.

NOW ... step into IT ALL.

Set ALL THE GOALS! Decide and choose and go for it.

Choose one at a time - I promise, one will lead to another.

Or choose all at once.

And especially for those of us with a few decades of life experience ...

Well, I think once we choose to hear the calling, listen to that little voice, refuse to accept that the weight gain is inevitable, that it's 'too late' to achieve our big goals or whatever it is ... we know ourselves well enough to just go get it all.

In the way that best works for us. 

It can be easy. It can be fun.

And step-by-step, keep going, keep taking the steps, be bold, be brave, become YOUR best version of you.

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Saying YES to your dreams

A week or so ago I wrote this post about how getting to achieve your goals means saying NO a lot of the time.

To things you don't want to do, to stop being a yes-person people-pleaser, but more importantly also to things you DO want to do!

So, you're gonna have to prioritise!

And if you SAY you want to reach that goal, then y'know, you do actually have to CHOOSE to spend the time on actions that will help you reach that goal (rather than socialising, watching TV, family gatherings, sleep, whatever it is).

But .... and this is where I think I might have misrepresented myself in the great urge to try to combat all that, 'but I'm soooo BUSY!', (poor little old me) negativity people say as an excuse (oh I do hear myself do it sometimes too of course).

Fine, don't go for your goals then, but don't WHINGE about it!

Anyway, digressing ... because what I WANT to say is actually that ...I think I misrepresented myself.

It's not a negative to say no.

It's not (usually!) hard to get less sleep, to be here writing and creating at my Macbook and talking with people rather than watching TV.

And why?

Because actually, it's not about - really - saying NO.

It's ALL about saying YES!

And that's what makes it easy (well, usually!).

Saying YES, a great big huge YES to my dreams and my goals.

THAT's what this choice is all about.

And yeah, often it's a hard choice, it's occasionally a lonely choice, but it's 100% MY CHOICE to say YES to making the choices I make that are the ones that will move me towards reaching my goals.

I want to share what I've learned and I want to impact MILLIONS!

I want to make the Tiniest Thai Diet the most successful, globally recognised, way of changing your mindset forever around food there has EVER been.

I want to share my message, and write and speak and connect with people.

So YES, I say NO a lot ... and yes I push myself.

Because I'm really, truly, actually saying YES to my dreams by doing so.

It is about saying NO ... to make space for the huge HELL YES to creating your life.

Reframe time - if you thought my previous post was berating you for not turning down things you want to do - well, I didn't mean it that way.

I meant, and mean, that to make that choice a YES rather than a NO means always keeping the goal in mind.

Keep taking the actions needed to get the results you want.

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Sometimes it's about saying 'no' to reach your goals

Some people are going to be reading my posts about Supreme Self Care and thinking ...

'Yeah ok for you, you don't have x y z you have to do',

'HOW does she find time?'

'Well, that's ok for you, you don't have kids to feed and get up for school'.

Well, no, I don't, no.

But I do know that I do have plenty of other responsibilities (as we all do) and I don't have unlimited time.

Or do I?

I believe in the concept of Einstein Time (read The Big Leap - a fave book that changed my life and concept of time).

And I really, really believe in the concept of CHOICE.

That means I prioritise my self care stuff, and my writing, and my doing ALL the things I really care about and am passionate about.

That means I also say NO a lot.

To fun things as well as the learning to say no to things you really don't want to do but (used to) feel obliged to.

It's easy to think that learning to be someone who can say 'no', means saying 'no' to things you don't want to do.

Ha! MUCH more it means saying 'no' to things you DO want to do.

I say no to TV.

I say no to parties.

I say no to meet ups with friends and family.

I say no to that book I want to read.

I say no to sleeping another half an hour.

To going to bed earlier and to getting up later.

Etc, etc, etc.

It means - when I SAY prioritise, I MEAN prioritise.

No, it's not easy.

I never said it was easy.  I said it was SUPREME self care to take the best care of me.

It means really thinking about what it takes to put you first - and not JUST your physical, emotional, spiritual .... also your CREATIVITY.

I believe we all NEED to be creative beings, whatever that looks like for you ... and for me, I need time and space to even work that out.

It means prioritising you and what you want to do ... and the results and goals you are going to achieve.

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SUPREME SELF CARE

I was talking with some friends the other night at my Tiniest Thai supperclub about how so many people just don't GET what real self care is all about.  

Think it's about lighting a candle and having a bath and talking about how 'spiritual' they are :)

Well, all those things are very NICE, sure, but they're not self care IN THEMSELVES.

I have only recently embarked on a non-negotiable regime of SUPREME self care - and it came about from understanding, really feeling and believing in a way I haven't before, that taking care of myself is what comes FIRST.

In every way.

Physically, emotionally, spiritually.

When I take care of myself FIRST then everything else flows.

SUPREME self care means - for me - STARTING with creating a commitment and a DISCIPLINE, if you like, that then becomes a habit.

And when things are habits they are EASY and natural; it's just what you do.

Everyone's commitments and priorities to themselves will be different but mine include:

DAILY journaling and movement/fitness - usually yoga, and choosing food I love and that's best for me.

A MONTHLY massage.

MONTHLY  house cleaner so my environment is as I like it and making space and time for me to do more of what I love and less of what I don't.

Every other month an appointment with my osteopath. 

Regular health appointments such as the dentist.

Regular manicures and pedicures whether at home or at the salon and regular hair appointments.

Choosing to drink water, (and good wine!), get the right amount of sleep for me.

Surrounding myself with people who bring me UP, who support and encourage and inspire me - and for whom I do the same.

DAILY time for reflection, meditation and this can be quiet at home or while out walking.

DAILY watch and / or read something inspiring. It doesn't have to be long - just a blog post by a fave blogger, a podcast, a feature in the newspaper, whatever it is.

It all creates a deep foundation of care from which to live, to create, to work, to play, to BE.

What does SUPREME self-care look like for YOU?

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CHOOSING my life ... 4 years on ...

“If you change nothing, nothing will change”

Tony Robbins

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And that moment of realisation, that moment where you finally feel it and KNOW that it is YOUR decision to create your life and make it happen ...

It happened to me four years ago this month. 28th April.

I was in a very dark place, looking back, in a job I knew was terrible for me ... and harming me ... but it was really ME harming me allowing it to continue.

And I'd been letting life drift by really my whole life - choosing A over B, like a multiple choice life, NEVER and I mean NEVER really deciding what I wanted and what would make me happy and going after that.

It took until my 40's.

it doesn't matter how long it takes, it matters that one day you DO see, do feel, do know that it's ALL and ALWAYS down to you.

YES, there are pressures and challenges of life, but THE biggest step is deciding.

What I did that day, was finally say enough. I gave in my notice at the awful job - without a job to go to - and suddenly felt my long long long ago ebbed away ME power start returning.

Of COURSE I could find another job perfect for me and my career in three months (it took four weeks).

And this time I made sure it was right for me and also would allow me time, mental capacity ... to start writing, cooking more, launching my own things I'm passionate about, my own side passion projects.

It can be so easy not to even recognise that you're in a dark place and going through the motions, getting through each day, surviving basically.

I was someone who on paper looked like I had a good life - and I did ... but I was trapped and miserable and not growing, not CREATING.

You can always decide and choose.

(You don't have to give your notice in though) :)

But it is your one life and if you've been stuck for a while and this sounds like you ... maybe start thinking what YOU want.

For me ... I wanted not to be scared, ill, bullied, tired, weak.

I wanted to write and create (and be me and be strong).

It didn't LOOK big to anyone else!

To the outside it looked like I left one great job in a great industry and went to another. Oh and started a little blog about Thai cooking.

That little blog about Thai food made me alive again and got my creativity going again. That first day, on my first blog site, pressing 'publish' - no post is scarier than that one.

I was still living in a fear mode really, worrying what people would think or say, not having the incredible community and support I do now.

You CAN start creating your life at ANY time in your life.

The big thing, the only big thing ... is DECIDING.

And that 'little' project?

Could become your real BIG thing, your biggest thing.

What do YOU want to do, create ... be?

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Simple, natural, softening bath 'milk'

When I was in my early teens I was obsessed with natural remedies for health and particularly for beauty products.  

I was brought up in a family that was very into organic products, and eating natural foods (yep, I was that kid with the smelly celery soup in a flask and a carrot slice for my packed lunch when everyone else had white-bread cheese sandwiches and a packet of crisps - hard actually at the time but I'm so grateful for it now).

My sisters and I were taken as often to homeopathic doctors and to the reflexologist as we were the GP, and I was always (especially as a complete bookworm) reading my parents' cookbooks and books on herbalism and natural health.

And of course, I started making all sorts of lotions and potions .... and after a very long break (although I've always maintained an interest in organic products and natural health) I've started making some things again.

Recently I made an Argentinian cake recipe shared with me by my friend Marcela - and one of the ingredients was oats.

After making it - and it was good, here's the recipe - I had tons of oats left over. I don't like oats or porridge but didn't want to throw them away (HATE food waste!) and suddenly remembered one of my favourite teenage beauty treatments - making the simplest ever bath milk with oats.

You just need some little muslin bags - like those ones you use to make bouquet garni (or my tom yum noodles!) - that are easy to find and buy online.

You scoop in a handful or two of oats and then let the hot water run over the bag - or pop the bag straight into the bath of course.

The oats release the most beautiful milky substance that's great for keeping your skin soft ... I even squeeze the bag out more once in the bath and use it as a quick exfoliator by rubbing the bag over my skin.

I also usually add a few drops of a favourite pure essential oil - lavender or wild orange usually.

And that's it. Super simple, super cheap - and very good.

Also on my bathroom shelf are Epsom Salts which I use in a morning 'detox shower' and my home-made body scrub made with sugar.

There's just something that to me feels so good about using natural ingredients and making something easy yourself that's also really lovely to use.

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There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to lose weight

It seems to me that the whole self-acceptance thing has gone too far.

It now actually feels that you're WRONG in some way and that you'll be judged for wanting to lose some weight.

You are in charge of you: you don't have to sign up to the 'love yourself at any size' brigade.

You CAN say you'd feel happier in your own skin by losing some weight.

You don't have to dress it up as wanting to be 'healthier', or 'more empowered' - although those are great things to want too.

There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to lose weight.

To wanting to feel happy again in your own skin.

With wanting to get back to your own personal happy weight.

But some days it feels like all I see are messages that you don't have to change yourself to be happy - you ' just have to learn to love yourself the way you are'.

Well, I disagree.

Totally disagree.

If that's for you, then hey go for it.

I genuinely want each and every one of us to feel happy in our own skin.

But for me, I know ... I was NEVER going to feel happy in my skin, overweight, uncomfortable when I bent over to put my shoes on, out of breath ... feeling NOT LIKE ME.

It's all gone too far I think.

The solution is NOT for everyone to 'learn to love yourself' or 'be happy at any weight, you're still the same person'.

Because ... actually for many of us?

We're NOT.

We're not the person we are when we can move easily, walk and run up the stairs freely. When we're feeling good in our skin. When we start enjoying clothes again.

When we feel more OURSELVES, our real selves again.

Yes, I think it's gone too far.

There is NOTHING wrong in saying, declaring ...

'You know what? I'd feel happier if I lost some weight'.

You don't have to couch it in other language, dress it up as something more spiritual or whatever is is.

You ARE allowed to just want to lose some freaking weight and feel happy in your skin.

We were not born overweight and we weren't designed to be overweight.

Do NOT feel that in this current climate of acceptance - which is great of course, acceptance of everyone as they are and as they are happy to be, YES .. but you?

If you're NOT HAPPY being overweight, there's nothing wrong with saying so, declaring your mission to lose the weight - there's nothing to hide.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING TO LOSE WEIGHT WHEN YOU'RE NOT HAPPY THE WEIGHT YOU ARE.

Oops, lots of shouty caps there!

It actually makes me really angry that people are basically being told to change their mindset - to be happy being unhappy in their own skin!

F-that! You can be, do and have whatever you want!

And if you're unhappy in your skin, at your current weight? You know what?

YOU DECIDE ... YOU get to decide to change that.

Set your goals, and commit.

Then choose to take the actions needed to get the results you want.

And keep going.

I'm with you all the way :) 

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What do you want your life to be?

So, a few years ago, four years ago, was when I finally 'woke up'.

In some ways, when I was born, or became an adult ... took responsibility.

It feels now looking back to my whole adult life before, that I'd been living in the dark.

I was in quite a dark place emotionally too - in a really awful bullying job, but then something happened in that job that made me suddenly realise I didn't have to do it. I DID have a choice.

And that was the beginning.

I realised that in the WHOLE time before then, I had never once realised that it was my choice. And now I mean my life.

I never once decided consciously what I wanted my life to be, who I wanted to be, what I wanted to make it.

I chose from the choices I could see - this holiday or that, this job opportunity or that one, even relationships.

My eyes opened and since then I've been consciously experimenting and exploring and discovering what I CHOOSE and what I WANT and make my life to be.

It started with baby steps. Well, I say that but it's was actually a pretty big step deciding that I didn't want a stressful job, and I wanted something that gave me time to pursue finding out what I DID like to do and want to do.

And as these things tend to, once I knew that's what I was going to choose, I found a job which at that time was a ten minute walk from my house (unheard of in London! We've since moved office but that's ok - at the time it was exactly what I needed).

I started blogging about Thai cooking and sharing some recipes.

Doing something CREATIVE at last. For ME.

And my whole life started to change, to become somehow CLEAR and I started to feel my way into how it felt to realise that I could make things happen if I just CHOSE.

So, it took into my 40's to realise it - that I'd been stuck, not thinking, just letting things happen, drifting really and letting other people - particularly work - dictate my life. And happiness.

It's NEVER too late to start to choose and create the life you want. Consciously choose.

You can be anything you want.

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On the shopping list / in the cupboard (when eating Thai-style for weight loss)

Come and have a nosy round my cupboards!

I've just done my monthly online grocery and household goods shop but then I shop regularly - daily - for fresh items.

I have a small London apartment and a little under-worktop- fridge with a tiny box freezer (that HAS to have ice cubes and vodka in it) so I don't have a lot of food storage space.

And I prefer it like that - I don't have cupboards full of unopened tins, or a huge freezer stuffed with food. It means I can decide daily what I want to cook and eat and then get anything needed to add to what is in stock. And I hate food waste and just prefer to have in what's needed.

IN THE FREEZER

But I do have some items I like to make sure I have - and that includes having frozen squid and prawns in that little freezer as then there's always something to make for dinner. I also fitted in some sea bass and some minced pork.

And there's currently a packet of dried shrimps and one of lime leaves / both bought from the Thai supermarket and easy to defrost as needed (although lime leaves are much better fresh and now available at lots of supermarkets - in the UK at least).

By the way I've never had or needed a microwave! Defrosting in cold water works for me. 

I buy smoked bacon from the butcher and separate it into single rashers wrapped and kept in the freezer as I'll only use a rasher or two at a time - usually with fish or seafood.

IN THE FRIDGE

I like to shop fresh as much as possible but these I usually have these in the fridge so I can make a stir fry or salad at any time: courgettes; carrots; spring onions; red, green and yellow peppers; fresh coriander, mint and parsley; tomatoes - both normal ones and cherry tomatoes; bird eye chillies and milder red chillies; radishes - a favourite snack; mushrooms.

I've currently also got a couple of rump steaks and piece of salmon. And those mussels in packs are good - sometimes I add garlic and chillies and coriander to the plainest white wine one I can find. 

Oh and almond milk of course for my favourite morning iced coffee blended with almond milk and ice cubes.

IN THE STORE CUPBOARD

Basmati rice (never brown rice for me - too hard to digest - and this is an Asian-inspired way of eating and they all eat white rice!), and both ribbon and vermicelli rice noodles.

Dark soy sauce I use rarely so isn't often on the shopping list (but is in the cupboard) but I always have light soy sauce, fish sauce and oyster sauce on the list. And chicken Knorr stock cubes. Oh, and a 1-2 calorie cooking spray oil.

It's good to have another cooking oil too (rapeseed is my fave cooking oil as cooks at a high temperature and has little taste) and some toasted sesame oil - needed for this pork meatballs dish (often what the pork mince in the freezer is for).

I must have flaked almonds too to toast instead of using peanuts (they're not a nut, they're a legume and are much more calorific) in my salads. Oh and sesame seeds, great toasted and sprinkled on yogurt and fruit, or in this lovely chicken stir-fry.

Tins of tuna are good for when there's no fresh protein and I love to have packets of miso soups.

And I keep both white and Demerara sugars.

AND IN BOWLS AT ROOM TEMPERATURE - 1 EACH FOR FRUIT, VEG + EGGS

Limes - lots of them! And a couple of lemons. Kiwi fruit (so much vitamin C!). No bananas - too high in carbs for this diet.

I tend to buy fruit fresh daily too to eat during the day - an orange or a couple of satsumas, an apple or some berries.

Ginger and garlic and tomatoes.

And in a separate bowl but also at room temperature - EGGS. From happy healthy hens, of course.

That's about it! Everything I need ...

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The journey between here and you

Here I am, scanning the huge beach, searching, looking for the house.  For her. 

It’s late summer, coming to the end of summer and the sun is just about to start descending, going down behind the big sea, so calm out on the horizon, but big waves still out front, white foam on top of the grey blue, surfers in the water, dogs running on the beach.

I can see a couple of barbecues happening in the dunes.  There’s a chill just in the air now, after a hot day. That smell of autumn approaching. 

Then I see it – up to the left, on top of the cliffs. A chalet style house and – as if I have binoculars - I now see the detail.

The full glass doors that surround the first floor of the building, all pulled back, so the house is completely open. 

The wooden verandah that circles it – and all the little outdoor candles that flicker upon that. 

I can see the table outside set for dinner, glasses of wine, and I’m sure … I’m certain I can smell cooking and I catch a waft of kaffir lime. 

THERE you are. 

Of course.

You did it. I did it. WE did it. 

And then I see you, coming outside, hair tied up, jeans and a grey jumper. 

Again, of course. My whole life I’ve worn blue jeans and grey tops – why would I change just because I’m nearing 80 years old? I like that I look kind of the same.

Ohhhhh we did do it.

You are fitter looking than I am now, and somehow a bit smaller, but also sure, confident, happy. Calm looking.

I’m coming, hold on.  Wait.

I just need to run across the big beach and climb the cliff steps and then I’ll be there, actually with you.

I want to see you. 

Your hair is silver now and your face lined and you look content. I walk around your house with its sides open to the sea, just as you’ve always wanted.

I see your big table in the warm kitchen that looks right over the beach and all your cooking things. 

Look! You still have my favourite pan. 

And I’m in your bedroom with its skylight, your white cat sleeping on the bed in a pile of soft grey and cream cashmere blankets.

And look again! All my pictures are on the walls. That print I bought that a friend made. That cross stitch my niece made for me. That card I had framed as I loved it so much.

All here with you.

I peek into your office where you write your best-selling books and create your work and talk to people. That wall full of photos of people and your travels, and of your little house on stilts, a little house on stilts by the sea in Thailand, where some years ago you used to spend several months a year.

You still travel, although you have to take it a little easier these days. 

You have met so many people, talked to so many, helped so many with finding their own passions and through your passion for Thai food and living a healthy, happy, fulfilled life. 

I am SO PROUD. 

I know it wasn’t easy to get here.  Of course, I know my own history to the point where I am now - and I’m so new to having realised what I want to create in my life.   

I sometimes wonder what I learnt in these forty odd years before now, but I know inside me somewhere deep why they were needed - and I know what I’ve learnt and that’s how I know we will do this.

I don’t know what happens next on this journey between here and you, where the twists and turns will take me, what will fill me with joy and excitement - and what heartache there will be and what more lessons I learn.

But as the sun goes down and your candles flicker and the sea quietens, and the cat stretches and I hear soft laughing and talking and the chink of glasses … I see you are happy and full of peace.

Still with new goals to achieve and things to create and people to love … I see you.  

I am committed to you having this, being this, being you.

I commit to you that I WILL keep putting one foot in front of the other in the years yet to travel for you to be here, like this - and not living some other life.  I will get you here.

I promise.

We will.  We did it.

---

This letter to my future self was originally written for and published during summer 2016 as part of the 100 Letters of Love project created by Ruth Ridgeway.

I was so inspired by her idea and these letters that my own came to me straight away and is one of my favourite things I've written.

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100 things to do in 2017

So, just off the top of my head, I thought I'd quickly note down 100 things I'm planning to do in 2017!

Some small, some silly, some mundane, some huge!

Whatever came to my mind.

Although this was just an idea yesterday to write something really quickly ... and then my laptop froze.

And I lost all 100.

I wrote them again ... another 40 minutes or so - and yes, they were different - I couldn't remember some great ones!

It froze again, saving half.

I took a break but this morning, wrote the last half again - and yes, they were different again.

The laptop froze.

I am NOTHING IF NOT DETERMINED (STUBBORN?) ... and I wrote it again.

It's changed already at least four times.

What was supposed to be a quick just-for-fun post became a two-day WRESTLE. But here are the 100 that survived the tech :) 

Will be checking back in a few months to see which of these I've actually done ... 

Anyway, here it is.

1. Grow my hair
2. Try a bikram yoga class
3. Go to the dentist for a check up
4. Brush the dog's teeth every day (even though he hates it)
5. Actually listen to all the Audible books in my library
6. Make a beautiful-as-I-can-make-it workbook for the Thai Diet Revolution
7. Discover new music - ask for recommendations
8. Write to my nephews and nieces at least twice each
9. Write to M every month - a proper letter
10. Volunteer somehow, do something for young carers
11. Go horseriding
12. Surf the sand dunes again in Cornwall this summer
13. Go to Rome
14. Visit Berlin
15. Declutter the kitchen cupboards
16. Book regular osteopathy sessions
17. Make preserved lemons
18. Look into getting a glamorous, luxe, white super-thick carpet for bedroom instead of wooden floor
19. Repaint bedroom
20. Hang all my pictures (finally!)
21. Get a massage
22. Care for my nails more - grow them + get regular manicures
23. Make time for sketching and drawing
24. Vist Kelvedon Bunker
25. Go body-boarding in the sea 
26. Go to the cinema more often - see things I don't even know what they are
27. Eat oysters in Whitstable
28. Launch/create A Year of Living Beautifully + Eating Well book/group
29. Make bath melts
30. Go to France, to the Dordogne, with my sisters
31. Make a really good jerk sauce
32. Try an early night ha!
33. Journal every morning, well the majority, rather than just half 
34. Get a Thai massage
35. Hold the first Tiniest Thai Retreaty in Thailand
36. Have a pedicure every month
37. Lose 12 pounds
38. WSET wine course
39. Dennis Severs House in candlelight
40. Have my first book published
41. Try growing holy basil
42. Start meditating - use Headspace (try again!)
43. Improve my French - use Duolingo app
44. Read French Vogue
45. Wear 'best' clothes every day - life's a catwalk :) 
46. Get toned and fitter - have fun with it, try loads of classes at the gym
47. Go to Brixton food market
48. Change my brown leather sofa for a big squishy turquoise velvet one
49. Have a weekend away on my own
50. Declutter and clean the bathroom cupboards and shelves
51. Find out where to get my favourite lemongrass candle (and get it!)
52. Go to the doctor about the noise my knee makes
53. Work through all my budgets and finances again and update
54. Check in monthly on my finances and budgets
55. Write out my BIG HUGE goals and check in monthly to review
56. Volunteer at the local riding for the disabled riding stables
57. Try intermittent fasting a few days a week
58. Buy new skirt for M
59. Work with a VA
60. Walk 12k steps a day (up from 10k)
61. Get scooter out and scoot home from work at least once a week
62. Go out dancing (much more often)
63. Develop and post a new recipe at least once every two weeks
64. Learn to play the ukelele
65. Do the 'create your own gin' day
66. Change my name by deed poll, update banks, passport etc - to Redlaw
67. Do the Yoga Anytime 30-day challenge
68. Declutter bedside cabinets
69. Digital switch-off one whole day a week during January - and see how it goes
70. Each week make time to sit and read my recipe books without thinking I 'should' be doing something else
71. Write Marrakech blog post
72. Go back to Marrakech
73. Be featured in mainstream magazines
74. Get a magazine column (why not?!)
75. Visit Kew Gardens
76. Visit Chatsworth
77. Go to the Gower again
78. Learn to French plait my hair, or into two French plaits
79. Re-film all the videos for the Thai Diet Revolution
80. Find out how to make Dragon's Breath Curry
81. Make boeuf bourguignon (it's been years since I last did!)
82. Start my 'Tiniest Thai Talks To' series again
83. Get my ear pierced at the top - which I've wanted to do since 17 and just never got round to
84. Have my wave tattoo done
85. Focus more - have evenings with a focus, not just flitting between things all the time - whether it's writing, reading, cooking, chatting, whatever - be focused and present
86. Go to the doctor about that ridiculous horrible fungal toenail
87. Replenish essential oils
88. Go to Paris
89. Accessorise more
90. Buy bikini that fits
91. Have 1,000 people join the Thai Diet Revolution
92. Get a celebration pendant from Mildred Jones Fine Jewellery - I know exactly what I want - to celebrate those 1,000 peple
93. Go to a Sunday service at St Paul's
94. Have a monthly cleaner
95. Also take a day off and completely spring clean
96. Hold a Tiniest Thai cooking class at La Vista, Competa, Spain
97. Make some chilli paste in oil
98. Cook char sui pork more often than just at Chinese New Year
99. Give a genuine compliment to a stranger every day
100. Arrange dates to actually SEE all the people I say I'll meet up with 'soon'

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My body is not a dustbin

MY BODY IS NOT A DUSTBIN!

I've realised this over the last few months ... that I used to treat my body as a dustbin.

I hate food waste and don't create much as I'm very conscious of it and I use leftovers or plan to make several meals with something.

BUT.

What I WAS doing was looking at food that needed eating or it would be wasted and thinking - I can't just throw it away and waste it.

And so I'd eat it instead.

Yeah I should have could have maybe planned better to avoid the situation - but given that's the situation I was in WHY would it be better to give myself food I don't need or want than to throw it in the bin/compost/whatever?

My body is not a bin.

I almost caught myself doing it today.

I had a friend over in the week and we had dinner from things I needed to use up before I go away tomorrow ....

So we had one of these grilled mushrooms each.

And then eggs in coconut masala.

Yes, she did ask me how this could possibly be 'needing to use it up' food ... but I had eggs that won't last until I'm back, I had half an onion, the last bits of coriander ...

Today I just caught myself! I have one small avocado that either I eat today or will need to be thrown out.

Good though avocados are I just realised that I was ONLY thinking of eating it because otherwise I would have to throw it away.

Basically throw it away in the bin or throw it away in yourself.

Eat food you don't want or need. Keep eating - it can't be thrown away!

It can.

My choice is to nourish myself and make best choices for me. I'm sorry if one avocado gets thrown away today (although I am about to mash it with a little chilli and lemon and freeze it and see if that works).

But don't eat mindlessly. Don't eat because you don't want to throw something away.

It's more important what goes into you than into the dustbin.

My body is not a bin.

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My life in perfume (and having my own bespoke one created)

As a baby, I didn't smell of baby powder and sick (well, I suppose maybe I did, just sometimes).

I smelt of Chanel No 5.

My mum's signature fragrance (and it still is), I spent so long held by her and nuzzled into her neck that it I smelled of it too.

It's so much my mum's perfume that I haven't ever worn it myself - although had a bottle of the new formulation some years ago, Chanel No 5 Eau Premiere, that I really liked - but I did turn out to be a Chanel girl too - at first.

My first 'grown-up' perfume was Chanel No 19 and this is the one I took with me to University. 

I tried Cristalle, I tried Coco (but my best friend wore it so I couldn't really - plus it was more her than me) and - one brave day when I'd actually got the money to buy what I think was a rare old Chanel if I liked it - I set off for Bond Street to the Chanel store, the only place they would have it.

It turned out to be my 'Pretty Woman' moment, when the snootiness of the sales assistants was bigger than my teenage courage, and I slunk away again with my Sinead O'Connor-style hair and my trainers.

In retrospect, an old, old Chanel smelling of leather and tobacco (I don't remember the name) might have been hard for a (late) teenager to carry off - but I'd really wanted to try it.

And then I loved Chloe - the old Chloe, that is - and wore that for a while. I dropped a whole bottle one day though that smashed, and that kind of put me off.

I fell briefly for some of the power scents of Calvin Klein - I'd had a sample of Obsession as a teenager when it launched and kind of loved it but was also a bit scared of it.

I remember reading about the launch of Escape and fell in love at first read. The first 'oceanic' scent? The smell of the sea? This was going to be ME! I bought it ... it was overpowering and I never got 'sea'. It must have been more a technical term maybe.

I went back to Chanel for a while with Allure. I did adore Allure.

There was a little dalliance with Clarins' Elysium - which was discontinued to the chagrin of both me and my sister.

I had a soft spot for Diorissimo for the fleetingest of moments (I think one is usually either Dior or Chanel, not both, ha - the way I think one usually loves travels to Africa or Asia - not both. Just my theory).

I also had a 'secret' perfume - one just for me - the one I wore at home on my own. It reminded me of our old house, in Norfolk, our big old creaky house with the barns and donkeys and the water meadows. The warm AGA, draped in cats. The freezing rooms so you'd have to take an eiderdown with you to watch TV.

Of life before my mum's accident. Something that just reminded me of comfort, sort of milky, sort of hay, sort of knitted gloves and your breath in the icy air, of our chickens, donkeys, of frost, of family ... Clinique's Simply (yep, also discontinued).

And then I found my long-term love, Jo Malone's Lime, Basil and Mandarin.

I've been wearing this both night and day for I think about 15 years now. Every now and then I'd try another - Tuberose, Peony Blush, Pomegranate Noir - but there was always also my Lime, Basil and Mandarin with me everywhere I went (still is, for when I don't wear MY scent).

I have always, always wanted to have a bespoke perfume created and this year I had the most wonderful opportunity to work with healer, perfumer, 'nose', aromatherapist and basically all-round magical alchemist, Karen Quinn.

She sent me a questionnaire which I absolutely loved completing - it made me think about all the scents I love and have meaning for me. An hour writing about me and things I love, over a glass of wine. Yup, I loved it.

I had such a long and disparate list I did wonder how she would make sense of it.

Some of my loved scents: limes, sea breezes, lime leaves, warm skin after a day on the beach, horses, haysheds, clean laundry on the line (but also musky sheets that have been lived and loved in perhaps a day too long).

Sun tan oil, bonfires and cold earth in my dad's garden, and some heady flowers.

The questionnaire also got me thinking about how I wanted to feel. Playful, mischievous, sexy, confident. 

Karen didn't baulk at the challenge but in due course arrived with her magical chemistry set and some samples. I was lucky that she was in London that day and came to me in person - but otherwise this would have taken place over Skype.

I was really nervous!

And even more so when I just wasn't sure I liked any of the three samples she had developed for me - but she reassured me this was part of the process of getting it right. 

It was fascinating. She had made an actual compound scent of 'warm skin on beaches' and another for 'cold earth and bonfires'.

They were incredible.

She used both compounds in the samples which then had different emphases on flowers, limes, citrus etc.

I didn't trust my nose any more an hour or so in ... as we played with making it 'more limes' or 'more sparkling, more playful'. 

When Karen left I felt almost dizzy but couldn't stop sniffing all the paper strips covered with different oils and scents.

A while later, she sent me two updated samples in the post and, again, I was strangely extremely nervous.

Now this was SO interesting!

I got them out, sprayed and couldn't tell if I liked them. I just couldn't tell.

I felt I was letting Karen down if I didn't like them, but I felt as if I just didn't know. This was so weird!

I told her how I was feeling though and her explanation made so much sense ... 

This isn't just a perfume. This is MY perfume.

The scents included in it all mean something to me - they have memories and occasions behind their inclusion - so my brain was overloaded with the meaning and couldn't quite process it all.

When I calmed down and tried them over a few days I just knew which of the two was the one for me. The second I liked but the first i couldn't stop sniffing, couldn't stop having just another quick spritz of it.

A friend came round and tried it and just said, 'IT'S YOU! AND IT'S THAILAND SOMEHOW TOO'.

Two people have asked me if they can buy MY scent they love it so much. (Er, NO!),

My perfume is called Rachel No. 11 in my little homage to Chanel (and to my birthday which is 11.11 - plus it's a number I see everywhere and an 'angel number').

But my bottle isn't labelled because I was too impatient and asked Karen to send it to me without waiting for her labels to arrive. And it's so me to have done this that I love my little naked bottle even more. I know its name, and that's what matters.

It arrived when I was at work, beautifully packaged, in the most beautiful bottle. 

Having a bespoke perfume has been a dream of mine for a very long time and an amazing experience to have had. And resulted in an amazing, dream perfume.

If you want your own, do get in touch with Karen. Yes, it's an investment but not as much as you might think at £500 for your very own, personal, one-off perfume (and then £80 to buy it again after it's created).

It would make a very special Christmas present or something incredible to give yourself.

Perfume, scent ... it brings back memories, and it creates memories. 

I am truly very lucky to have had this experience - and to have had Karen bring Rachel No. 11 to life for me.

I thought this post would be more emotional somehow, but it's utter contentment I feel. A feeling of arrival. All my memories wrapped up into one. No more 'secret' perfumes; no more 'over-powering' ones.

If you ever have the chance to do this, then all I can say is, DO.

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Don't save clothes for 'best' - wear them for everyday + love them!

Years ago I bought a skirt.

About 7 or 8 (or 9) years ago.

It wasn't a specially special kind of skirt to anyone but me - but to me, this was (and probably still is) my perfect skirt.

I saw it (randomly; clearly we weren't out clothes shopping) in a supermarket in Truro, when down in Cornwall, visiting one of my sisters).

It's a sort of flannel-y grey.

It's just above knee length.

It has good fastenings.

And it has a lovely drapey ruche-y front.

I totally adored it on sight. This is my love-at-first-sight sort of a skirt - I love grey, I love draping,

I just loved it.

I'd also just about started to put on some weight round about then.

I bought it in a size 16 without trying it on, convinced it would be perfect. (It wasn't expensive - but I WAS excited about finding my perfect skirt there).

Disappointingly, back at my sister's house when I tried it on, it was the teensiest bit tight ... just an inch or so that made me not comfortable in it. But of course I kept it. It was just an inch.

And in my wardrobe it stayed.

Over the last ten years I put on three stone (that's 3 x 14 pounds maths people - I can't do it in my head).

And the skirt stayed. Every time I tried it it was tighter.

But I still loved it.

Finally, this year, in April, I decided to start losing the weight - and now I've lost all but 7 pounds of it ...

What I didn't do earlier was check in with my favourite ever - yet unworn - skirt.

When I put it on today, thinking, 'oh well, if it's a little loose I'll still wear it' ... well ... it comes on and off without need of the fastenings.

So, goodbye perfect, favourite, unworn skirt - and I hope you fare better in your next home. (And I'll be continuing the search for one just like you - only a little smaller).

AND ... MORAL OF THE STORY!

Do not SAVE your favourite / perfect / ideal clothes for 'one day'.

WEAR THEM.

Love them.

Enjoy them.

I do kinda wish I'd tried this on earlier and worn it a few times.

(BUT .. I'd still rather have lost the weight! )

When I'm lazy ...

When I'm lazy - like now ... well, it's a surprise. 

I push through laziness and 'oh I don't feel like it' - USUALLY - and do it anyway.

But right now, I'm lazy. 

I had this song - of course - pop into my head as I started writing.

I'm not wicked, but I am (right now) lazy.

(And, I've always loved David Byrne. Talking Heads - say no more - except... can you actually pin down a favourite TH song ....  'cos I can't).

I had so much I was going to do - and this morning I did do so much ... including decluttering that unloved 'under the sink' cupboard that's generally so neglected.

Just one cupboard though - I'm taking it one cupboard and drawer at a time.

Kitchen decluttering is one of my favourite 'power tools' in The Tiniest Thai diet - it changes the energy to something new and light and exciting.

But then I went to a BFI London Film Festival screening this afternoon of The Levelling (bleak, beautiful, thought-provoking) and ... when I got home I was going to do EVERYTHING but then just realised I didn't want to.

And more, than that - for once - I didn't want to push past not wanting to.

That's the unusual thing. But that's also sort of the point.

Usually, I KNOW that pushing past 'not wanting to' will feel good, make me feel alive, and my creativity just starts FLOWING.

Today, I made (diet) jalfrezi curry (with real rice) and poured a glass of red wine and wrote this instead.

Instead of the four blog post ideas I've had today and noted down and - earlier - couldn't wait to get back and start writing! Or finalising the menu for next weekend's Tiniest Thai on Tour, and finishing the shopping list ...

Who knows what it is ... but this feeling of laziness is so very very rare, I'm going with it today.

I'm going to make us lemon vodka sours.

I'm going to read my book. Maybe watch some more of the series I'm watching. 

(Yes, still Narcos. LOVE IT).

Have a bath.

And - quite possibly - 'round about midnight - feel the urge to jump straight back on my laptop and write those posts, ha!

So, I'll see you later ... or tomorrow ... but whenever it is, sometimes ...

It's good to be 'lazy'. 

(Well, this once!)

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It's not exactly 'right' ... but it's not a mistake either

Hahaha!

These photos ...  are of my first attempt at mini choc-ices.

And I could say the recipe experiment wasn't a success ... but it was.

You can't be good at anything without trial and error and trying and making 'mistakes' and learning and refining.

The MOST important lesson in the world I think is to just start.

Give it a go. START. Just have a go.

No, you won't be brilliant at anything new straight away but you can't get from A-Z without going through the other letters first.

So, my first go at mini choc ices.  I made lime ice cream and melted chilli chocolate. And I knew it wasn't working right and I can see so clearly now - from having had a go - what I'll do differently next time and can see how it'll work.

Like many things - I over-complicated it a bit. No need for the ice cube tray palaver - freezing the ice cream in a thinner layer on a baking tray is going to be a better idea next time.

And I'm very confident in these being good the next time I make them!

And sometimes ... you learn that what you're trying to force into being just doesn't work.

I've now tried four or five times to make a Thai-style version of arrancini ... and I haven't made it work yet.

I've tried red curry ones, fried rice ones, holy basil and chilli ones.

Dipped them in egg, in flour, cooked with egg, covered in breadcrumbs.  

I do suspect arrancini work because of risotto rice and mozzarella ... But I might keep trying as I can see them so clearly in my head! Maybe sticky rice is the answer?

Ok, scrap that 'learning some things don't work'.

Never give up ... do the work until it works ...

These are not 'mistakes'; they're just part of the discovery + learning + creating.

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Play, experiment, find your passion (mine's Thai cooking)

Today is all about playing and experimenting ... I just made this ... 

It's a Thai red curry with chicken - and peppers ('cos that's what was in the fridge) - with added chilli, garlic and kaffir lime leaves (is there a better smell than crushed kaffir lime leaves?).

The experimentation came in the sauce - this is made with almond milk rather than coconut milk - as I'm playing with ideas and substitutes whilst creating The Tiniest Thai diet.

Firstly, it was delicious! It works! I'll be sharing a recipe soon.

Secondly ... this playing and having fun with my passion for cooking and Thai cooking and creating my diet and eating plan ... well, that's the MOST important thing.

Just a few short years ago, I didn't even know what my passion was, what I loved doing. It seems incredible now, but the days just went by, me getting through them, thinking that's just how it was.

Work, hard work, a bit of TV, a bit of reading, a bit of chatting to friends, some going to the pub or for dinner. But it seems somehow surreal now looking back EVEN THOUGH THAT WAS MY LIFE FOR SO LONG ... what did I talk about? think about?

WHY didn't I have specific goals and passions?

WHY was I drifting through my life - not entirely happy - instead of actively creating it?

I'm glad, beyond glad, that I 'woke up'. And the point at which I woke up was horrible yes. An awful job with the most insane stressful horrible culture.

I'm glad I was there. I'm glad it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm glad I had been in a pretty difficult and dark place anyway and then went that extra step to rock bottom ... because for me, I didn't break down.

I finally stood up.

I came to that point where I finally said NO. This is NOT happening. I WILL NOT let this continue.

And right there and then, without a job to go to, I found my self esteem, self worth, self love - I think for the first time ever with such certainly - and stood up and said NO. I gave in my notice.

I didn't know what I was going to do - only that I was going to find out what I wanted to do.

That was the beginning of consciously creating my life. Finding time, making time, for the things that really matter to me. Making it happen. Prioritising it.

And three years later, it's why I'm here playing with and experimenting with recipes.

Because that's what I want to do and love to do.

(I'm actually pretty excited about how good the almond milk substitute for coconut milk turned out).

If you're drifting through, rather than actively deciding on your life, I can only say ... DON'T.

Find what you love. Experiment until you find it.

I'm as passionate now about sharing how important it is to FIND your passion as I am about kaffir lime leaves ...

So, what's your passion?

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All the blog posts ... (that I didn't write)

You know how it is.  Ideas just come. All the time, but sometimes insistently. Like it wants YOU to do something with it.

And when an idea grabs me and asks to be written - sometimes although love the idea I don't have time or inclination, or it's not possible right then.  Sometimes I walk round the park with the dog whilst saying the whole post out loud just exactly as it in that moment comes into my head.

And sometimes I get home and write it.

And other times I write down a quick heading in my draft blogs to remind me what it was and so I can go back to it later.

I've just checked and there's over 20 headings in that draft folder including .... this very one ... 

And actually, for me - and for most of us, I believe, it's quite unusual to come back to an idea.

So often we have an idea, leave it for later and life and stuff gets in the way and we don't do it.

When we come back to it - MUCH later - the moment's passed and the inspiration's gone.  Yes, the idea's still good, but that free-flowing oh-I-can-hardly-type-fast-enough-to-get-my-thoughts-out has kind of gone.

When I read Big Magic (and saw Liz GIlbert speak on her Big Magic speaking tour last November), this was one of my favourite ideas - that ideas themselves are sort of alive and flying around looking for someone to bring them to life.  

And they settle on you, and you're all, 'YEAH this is a FAB idea', ... but if you don't do it, don't write it or sing it or whatever it is you wanted to do with it ... then the idea's going to fly off and find someone else as its vehicle for expression.

I really liked this! It gave an explanation to what happens to me all the time.

Personally, I have lots and lots of ideas every single day.  And the reason my tally of unwritten blogs hasn't actually increased since I first had the idea to write about it is because I now know I'm not going to 'run out' of ideas.

Ideas come every day. Some I'll jump on and I just can't NOT write them.  

Others I love but ... honestly, I know I'm not going to do.

And now, instead of writing them down as draft blog headings - and adding sub-consciously to that never-done 'to do' list - I let them go. (So much more freeing for us both).

They might come back. Our timings might coincide and collide again. 

But I don't try and keep them as 'mine', mine to come back to another time.  Usually both my energy and the idea itself are feeling stale and like a chore by then.

I let them go. 

I have no concerns at all that I won't have a million more live ideas tomorrow, and the next day.

And sometimes, well, infrequently, but like right now ... this idea came back to me and said, very loudly, 'GET OFF THE SOFA, PUT YOUR GLASS OF WINE ON THE TABLE, GET THE LAPTOP OUT, AND WRITE ME. NOW'.

And so I did.

And here this idea is - wanting to be seen and heard. 

Use them, lose them, let them go. They need to be heard but not always through you.

And you, you will ALWAYS have more ideas.

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PS. Every time I thought, 'All the blog posts', I sing it in my head to Kylie's 'All the Lovers'.

And I love that song, so hey :) 

PPS. That happens to me a LOT. Like, when I'm on a bus and it goes round Marble Arch and I think, 'Rach, just ONCE, just once DON'T think 'Cumberland Sausage Gate' and THEN I see the road sign and it says 'Cumberland Gate' - and too late; I've already thought NOT to think about it again ... 

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10 things making me happy right now

1. The sun's shining and that always makes this sun-worshipper a little bit lighter, brighter, happier, more energised.  Soaking up some rays feels like re-charging my batteries with goodness. 

The sun is shining and ... this song's therefore in my head.

2. I'm also feeling actually lighter through losing weight on the Tiniest Thai weight-loss diet.  Week 4 of 12 starts tomorrow, I'm 8lbs lighter and looking forward to sharing the eating plan when I've finished working through it myself.

In the meantime, here's what I learnt during Week 1.

3. Iced coffee.  I love it.  Black with one sugar, lots of ice clinking in the glass. I don't know why but it makes me feel a little bit French and a little bit chic. And I'm not going to question that, just enjoy it! 

4. Poetry.  The first Tiniest Thai Salon was held on Friday evening and it was so much fun getting to talk about favourite poems and hear other people's.  We had a lot of love for Michael Rosen as a huge formative influence for a few of us and our love of language.  He might be a children's poet - but that doesn't mean adults can't enjoy his stuff too.  

My friend Rhys had 'Keith's Cupboard' as his favourite Michael Rosen poem - it's a few poems down on this.  

Next Salon date to be announced soon - the next one we'll be chatting about creativity and how you find, channel, enjoy yours.

5. Som tam.  I LOVE som tam.  Addicted to it. Hot, crunchy, sour, refreshing - my favourite salad.  And it doesn't matter if you can't get green papaya or green mango - it's (almost) as good using courgette, carrots, and green pepper - all sliced very thin.  

Here's my version. I'm using a few toasted hazelnuts instead of peanuts (which are a vegetable and therefore not heathy good nut fats) while on my diet and having it with some griddled chicken.

6. Being outdoors.  This time of year is just so spectacularly beautiful and I'm so lucky to have a very beautiful park nearby.  I was there this morning early and just noticing the conkers appearing on the trees, the lushness of the different greens everywhere, the white flowers, the birdsong. 

Really do feel very lucky to be outdoors walking the dog and noticing the seasons changing and nature doing it's thing. 

7. I'm still really happy about having been accepted as a Huffington Post blogger! Even though I've only had one piece published so far (there's another currently with them awaiting publication) it makes me smile every time I think about it.  

8. Adventures ahead. Travel is one of the things that makes me feel most alive. If I had to choose I'd pick experiences over 'things' any day and I have so many memories of incredible experiences.

This year I've planned lots of mini-adventures so there's never too long in between them.  

The next is a few days in Spain in a few weeks and I'm already excited - especially to be going back to the exact village I went to when I was 18 (it was my first flight too!).  I'm going back with the same friend I went with that first time, so we're going to be revisiting some old memories as well as making new ones.

Can't wait.

9. Family, friends, love. Of course. Goes without saying, but then not to say it doesn't feel right either! Just had a long chat on the phone with one of my sisters and that ALWAYS makes me happy.

10. Ooh, so the last one is this.  A tom yum soup. Hadn't made it for ages but it's a great one for the Tiniest Thai diet and I'd forgotten how incredibly easy it is to make and how incredibly delicious.

Here's my recipe - do try it!

What's making you happy right now?

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