That conversation in my own head about food ...

Sometimes I just talk and talk and argue with myself.

What to do, what do you want to do - no, what do you really want to do?

Really, you want to do that even though you won't feel great and it won't nourish you?

Yes, I'm going to really love it and enjoy it!

Well, choose it then! Those are excellent reasons.

Ummm, but ...

Oh you want me to convince you?!

I don't have to do that, you KNOW what will feel best - what the results are - feeling really good and knowing you made a choice that did that.

But why's it so hard! I think I DO need rice with the chicken stir fry not just veg....

Ok. If that's what you decide. But decide consciously- then have it and LOVE it. So you're sure?

No!! I KNOW I'll feel better having the chicken and vegetables for lunch.

AND THATS HOW LUNCH CAME ABOUT.

Conscious decisions. Decide. It gets easier once you really know and BELIEVE in how much better you feel.

And my experience is I argue harder with myself when I know I don't really want it.

When I absolutely KNOW I want those chips, or whatever it is, I'm pretty certain straight away ... and I have them and love it!

It's annoying to be always arguing with yourself but it just takes practice ...

Do it; try it. It's interesting to see what comes out with this inner tussle (some of it hilarious).

Let the you you want to be all the time win 💛

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The journey between here and you

Here I am, scanning the huge beach, searching, looking for the house.  For her. 

It’s late summer, coming to the end of summer and the sun is just about to start descending, going down behind the big sea, so calm out on the horizon, but big waves still out front, white foam on top of the grey blue, surfers in the water, dogs running on the beach.

I can see a couple of barbecues happening in the dunes.  There’s a chill just in the air now, after a hot day. That smell of autumn approaching. 

Then I see it – up to the left, on top of the cliffs. A chalet style house and – as if I have binoculars - I now see the detail.

The full glass doors that surround the first floor of the building, all pulled back, so the house is completely open. 

The wooden verandah that circles it – and all the little outdoor candles that flicker upon that. 

I can see the table outside set for dinner, glasses of wine, and I’m sure … I’m certain I can smell cooking and I catch a waft of kaffir lime. 

THERE you are. 

Of course.

You did it. I did it. WE did it. 

And then I see you, coming outside, hair tied up, jeans and a grey jumper. 

Again, of course. My whole life I’ve worn blue jeans and grey tops – why would I change just because I’m nearing 80 years old? I like that I look kind of the same.

Ohhhhh we did do it.

You are fitter looking than I am now, and somehow a bit smaller, but also sure, confident, happy. Calm looking.

I’m coming, hold on.  Wait.

I just need to run across the big beach and climb the cliff steps and then I’ll be there, actually with you.

I want to see you. 

Your hair is silver now and your face lined and you look content. I walk around your house with its sides open to the sea, just as you’ve always wanted.

I see your big table in the warm kitchen that looks right over the beach and all your cooking things. 

Look! You still have my favourite pan. 

And I’m in your bedroom with its skylight, your white cat sleeping on the bed in a pile of soft grey and cream cashmere blankets.

And look again! All my pictures are on the walls. That print I bought that a friend made. That cross stitch my niece made for me. That card I had framed as I loved it so much.

All here with you.

I peek into your office where you write your best-selling books and create your work and talk to people. That wall full of photos of people and your travels, and of your little house on stilts, a little house on stilts by the sea in Thailand, where some years ago you used to spend several months a year.

You still travel, although you have to take it a little easier these days. 

You have met so many people, talked to so many, helped so many with finding their own passions and through your passion for Thai food and living a healthy, happy, fulfilled life. 

I am SO PROUD. 

I know it wasn’t easy to get here.  Of course, I know my own history to the point where I am now - and I’m so new to having realised what I want to create in my life.   

I sometimes wonder what I learnt in these forty odd years before now, but I know inside me somewhere deep why they were needed - and I know what I’ve learnt and that’s how I know we will do this.

I don’t know what happens next on this journey between here and you, where the twists and turns will take me, what will fill me with joy and excitement - and what heartache there will be and what more lessons I learn.

But as the sun goes down and your candles flicker and the sea quietens, and the cat stretches and I hear soft laughing and talking and the chink of glasses … I see you are happy and full of peace.

Still with new goals to achieve and things to create and people to love … I see you.  

I am committed to you having this, being this, being you.

I commit to you that I WILL keep putting one foot in front of the other in the years yet to travel for you to be here, like this - and not living some other life.  I will get you here.

I promise.

We will.  We did it.

---

This letter to my future self was originally written for and published during summer 2016 as part of the 100 Letters of Love project created by Ruth Ridgeway.

I was so inspired by her idea and these letters that my own came to me straight away and is one of my favourite things I've written.

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100 things to do in 2017

So, just off the top of my head, I thought I'd quickly note down 100 things I'm planning to do in 2017!

Some small, some silly, some mundane, some huge!

Whatever came to my mind.

Although this was just an idea yesterday to write something really quickly ... and then my laptop froze.

And I lost all 100.

I wrote them again ... another 40 minutes or so - and yes, they were different - I couldn't remember some great ones!

It froze again, saving half.

I took a break but this morning, wrote the last half again - and yes, they were different again.

The laptop froze.

I am NOTHING IF NOT DETERMINED (STUBBORN?) ... and I wrote it again.

It's changed already at least four times.

What was supposed to be a quick just-for-fun post became a two-day WRESTLE. But here are the 100 that survived the tech :) 

Will be checking back in a few months to see which of these I've actually done ... 

Anyway, here it is.

1. Grow my hair
2. Try a bikram yoga class
3. Go to the dentist for a check up
4. Brush the dog's teeth every day (even though he hates it)
5. Actually listen to all the Audible books in my library
6. Make a beautiful-as-I-can-make-it workbook for the Thai Diet Revolution
7. Discover new music - ask for recommendations
8. Write to my nephews and nieces at least twice each
9. Write to M every month - a proper letter
10. Volunteer somehow, do something for young carers
11. Go horseriding
12. Surf the sand dunes again in Cornwall this summer
13. Go to Rome
14. Visit Berlin
15. Declutter the kitchen cupboards
16. Book regular osteopathy sessions
17. Make preserved lemons
18. Look into getting a glamorous, luxe, white super-thick carpet for bedroom instead of wooden floor
19. Repaint bedroom
20. Hang all my pictures (finally!)
21. Get a massage
22. Care for my nails more - grow them + get regular manicures
23. Make time for sketching and drawing
24. Vist Kelvedon Bunker
25. Go body-boarding in the sea 
26. Go to the cinema more often - see things I don't even know what they are
27. Eat oysters in Whitstable
28. Launch/create A Year of Living Beautifully + Eating Well book/group
29. Make bath melts
30. Go to France, to the Dordogne, with my sisters
31. Make a really good jerk sauce
32. Try an early night ha!
33. Journal every morning, well the majority, rather than just half 
34. Get a Thai massage
35. Hold the first Tiniest Thai Retreaty in Thailand
36. Have a pedicure every month
37. Lose 12 pounds
38. WSET wine course
39. Dennis Severs House in candlelight
40. Have my first book published
41. Try growing holy basil
42. Start meditating - use Headspace (try again!)
43. Improve my French - use Duolingo app
44. Read French Vogue
45. Wear 'best' clothes every day - life's a catwalk :) 
46. Get toned and fitter - have fun with it, try loads of classes at the gym
47. Go to Brixton food market
48. Change my brown leather sofa for a big squishy turquoise velvet one
49. Have a weekend away on my own
50. Declutter and clean the bathroom cupboards and shelves
51. Find out where to get my favourite lemongrass candle (and get it!)
52. Go to the doctor about the noise my knee makes
53. Work through all my budgets and finances again and update
54. Check in monthly on my finances and budgets
55. Write out my BIG HUGE goals and check in monthly to review
56. Volunteer at the local riding for the disabled riding stables
57. Try intermittent fasting a few days a week
58. Buy new skirt for M
59. Work with a VA
60. Walk 12k steps a day (up from 10k)
61. Get scooter out and scoot home from work at least once a week
62. Go out dancing (much more often)
63. Develop and post a new recipe at least once every two weeks
64. Learn to play the ukelele
65. Do the 'create your own gin' day
66. Change my name by deed poll, update banks, passport etc - to Redlaw
67. Do the Yoga Anytime 30-day challenge
68. Declutter bedside cabinets
69. Digital switch-off one whole day a week during January - and see how it goes
70. Each week make time to sit and read my recipe books without thinking I 'should' be doing something else
71. Write Marrakech blog post
72. Go back to Marrakech
73. Be featured in mainstream magazines
74. Get a magazine column (why not?!)
75. Visit Kew Gardens
76. Visit Chatsworth
77. Go to the Gower again
78. Learn to French plait my hair, or into two French plaits
79. Re-film all the videos for the Thai Diet Revolution
80. Find out how to make Dragon's Breath Curry
81. Make boeuf bourguignon (it's been years since I last did!)
82. Start my 'Tiniest Thai Talks To' series again
83. Get my ear pierced at the top - which I've wanted to do since 17 and just never got round to
84. Have my wave tattoo done
85. Focus more - have evenings with a focus, not just flitting between things all the time - whether it's writing, reading, cooking, chatting, whatever - be focused and present
86. Go to the doctor about that ridiculous horrible fungal toenail
87. Replenish essential oils
88. Go to Paris
89. Accessorise more
90. Buy bikini that fits
91. Have 1,000 people join the Thai Diet Revolution
92. Get a celebration pendant from Mildred Jones Fine Jewellery - I know exactly what I want - to celebrate those 1,000 peple
93. Go to a Sunday service at St Paul's
94. Have a monthly cleaner
95. Also take a day off and completely spring clean
96. Hold a Tiniest Thai cooking class at La Vista, Competa, Spain
97. Make some chilli paste in oil
98. Cook char sui pork more often than just at Chinese New Year
99. Give a genuine compliment to a stranger every day
100. Arrange dates to actually SEE all the people I say I'll meet up with 'soon'

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My body is not a dustbin

MY BODY IS NOT A DUSTBIN!

I've realised this over the last few months ... that I used to treat my body as a dustbin.

I hate food waste and don't create much as I'm very conscious of it and I use leftovers or plan to make several meals with something.

BUT.

What I WAS doing was looking at food that needed eating or it would be wasted and thinking - I can't just throw it away and waste it.

And so I'd eat it instead.

Yeah I should have could have maybe planned better to avoid the situation - but given that's the situation I was in WHY would it be better to give myself food I don't need or want than to throw it in the bin/compost/whatever?

My body is not a bin.

I almost caught myself doing it today.

I had a friend over in the week and we had dinner from things I needed to use up before I go away tomorrow ....

So we had one of these grilled mushrooms each.

And then eggs in coconut masala.

Yes, she did ask me how this could possibly be 'needing to use it up' food ... but I had eggs that won't last until I'm back, I had half an onion, the last bits of coriander ...

Today I just caught myself! I have one small avocado that either I eat today or will need to be thrown out.

Good though avocados are I just realised that I was ONLY thinking of eating it because otherwise I would have to throw it away.

Basically throw it away in the bin or throw it away in yourself.

Eat food you don't want or need. Keep eating - it can't be thrown away!

It can.

My choice is to nourish myself and make best choices for me. I'm sorry if one avocado gets thrown away today (although I am about to mash it with a little chilli and lemon and freeze it and see if that works).

But don't eat mindlessly. Don't eat because you don't want to throw something away.

It's more important what goes into you than into the dustbin.

My body is not a bin.

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My life in perfume (and having my own bespoke one created)

As a baby, I didn't smell of baby powder and sick (well, I suppose maybe I did, just sometimes).

I smelt of Chanel No 5.

My mum's signature fragrance (and it still is), I spent so long held by her and nuzzled into her neck that it I smelled of it too.

It's so much my mum's perfume that I haven't ever worn it myself - although had a bottle of the new formulation some years ago, Chanel No 5 Eau Premiere, that I really liked - but I did turn out to be a Chanel girl too - at first.

My first 'grown-up' perfume was Chanel No 19 and this is the one I took with me to University. 

I tried Cristalle, I tried Coco (but my best friend wore it so I couldn't really - plus it was more her than me) and - one brave day when I'd actually got the money to buy what I think was a rare old Chanel if I liked it - I set off for Bond Street to the Chanel store, the only place they would have it.

It turned out to be my 'Pretty Woman' moment, when the snootiness of the sales assistants was bigger than my teenage courage, and I slunk away again with my Sinead O'Connor-style hair and my trainers.

In retrospect, an old, old Chanel smelling of leather and tobacco (I don't remember the name) might have been hard for a (late) teenager to carry off - but I'd really wanted to try it.

And then I loved Chloe - the old Chloe, that is - and wore that for a while. I dropped a whole bottle one day though that smashed, and that kind of put me off.

I fell briefly for some of the power scents of Calvin Klein - I'd had a sample of Obsession as a teenager when it launched and kind of loved it but was also a bit scared of it.

I remember reading about the launch of Escape and fell in love at first read. The first 'oceanic' scent? The smell of the sea? This was going to be ME! I bought it ... it was overpowering and I never got 'sea'. It must have been more a technical term maybe.

I went back to Chanel for a while with Allure. I did adore Allure.

There was a little dalliance with Clarins' Elysium - which was discontinued to the chagrin of both me and my sister.

I had a soft spot for Diorissimo for the fleetingest of moments (I think one is usually either Dior or Chanel, not both, ha - the way I think one usually loves travels to Africa or Asia - not both. Just my theory).

I also had a 'secret' perfume - one just for me - the one I wore at home on my own. It reminded me of our old house, in Norfolk, our big old creaky house with the barns and donkeys and the water meadows. The warm AGA, draped in cats. The freezing rooms so you'd have to take an eiderdown with you to watch TV.

Of life before my mum's accident. Something that just reminded me of comfort, sort of milky, sort of hay, sort of knitted gloves and your breath in the icy air, of our chickens, donkeys, of frost, of family ... Clinique's Simply (yep, also discontinued).

And then I found my long-term love, Jo Malone's Lime, Basil and Mandarin.

I've been wearing this both night and day for I think about 15 years now. Every now and then I'd try another - Tuberose, Peony Blush, Pomegranate Noir - but there was always also my Lime, Basil and Mandarin with me everywhere I went (still is, for when I don't wear MY scent).

I have always, always wanted to have a bespoke perfume created and this year I had the most wonderful opportunity to work with healer, perfumer, 'nose', aromatherapist and basically all-round magical alchemist, Karen Quinn.

She sent me a questionnaire which I absolutely loved completing - it made me think about all the scents I love and have meaning for me. An hour writing about me and things I love, over a glass of wine. Yup, I loved it.

I had such a long and disparate list I did wonder how she would make sense of it.

Some of my loved scents: limes, sea breezes, lime leaves, warm skin after a day on the beach, horses, haysheds, clean laundry on the line (but also musky sheets that have been lived and loved in perhaps a day too long).

Sun tan oil, bonfires and cold earth in my dad's garden, and some heady flowers.

The questionnaire also got me thinking about how I wanted to feel. Playful, mischievous, sexy, confident. 

Karen didn't baulk at the challenge but in due course arrived with her magical chemistry set and some samples. I was lucky that she was in London that day and came to me in person - but otherwise this would have taken place over Skype.

I was really nervous!

And even more so when I just wasn't sure I liked any of the three samples she had developed for me - but she reassured me this was part of the process of getting it right. 

It was fascinating. She had made an actual compound scent of 'warm skin on beaches' and another for 'cold earth and bonfires'.

They were incredible.

She used both compounds in the samples which then had different emphases on flowers, limes, citrus etc.

I didn't trust my nose any more an hour or so in ... as we played with making it 'more limes' or 'more sparkling, more playful'. 

When Karen left I felt almost dizzy but couldn't stop sniffing all the paper strips covered with different oils and scents.

A while later, she sent me two updated samples in the post and, again, I was strangely extremely nervous.

Now this was SO interesting!

I got them out, sprayed and couldn't tell if I liked them. I just couldn't tell.

I felt I was letting Karen down if I didn't like them, but I felt as if I just didn't know. This was so weird!

I told her how I was feeling though and her explanation made so much sense ... 

This isn't just a perfume. This is MY perfume.

The scents included in it all mean something to me - they have memories and occasions behind their inclusion - so my brain was overloaded with the meaning and couldn't quite process it all.

When I calmed down and tried them over a few days I just knew which of the two was the one for me. The second I liked but the first i couldn't stop sniffing, couldn't stop having just another quick spritz of it.

A friend came round and tried it and just said, 'IT'S YOU! AND IT'S THAILAND SOMEHOW TOO'.

Two people have asked me if they can buy MY scent they love it so much. (Er, NO!),

My perfume is called Rachel No. 11 in my little homage to Chanel (and to my birthday which is 11.11 - plus it's a number I see everywhere and an 'angel number').

But my bottle isn't labelled because I was too impatient and asked Karen to send it to me without waiting for her labels to arrive. And it's so me to have done this that I love my little naked bottle even more. I know its name, and that's what matters.

It arrived when I was at work, beautifully packaged, in the most beautiful bottle. 

Having a bespoke perfume has been a dream of mine for a very long time and an amazing experience to have had. And resulted in an amazing, dream perfume.

If you want your own, do get in touch with Karen. Yes, it's an investment but not as much as you might think at £500 for your very own, personal, one-off perfume (and then £80 to buy it again after it's created).

It would make a very special Christmas present or something incredible to give yourself.

Perfume, scent ... it brings back memories, and it creates memories. 

I am truly very lucky to have had this experience - and to have had Karen bring Rachel No. 11 to life for me.

I thought this post would be more emotional somehow, but it's utter contentment I feel. A feeling of arrival. All my memories wrapped up into one. No more 'secret' perfumes; no more 'over-powering' ones.

If you ever have the chance to do this, then all I can say is, DO.

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The photo of me that made me FINALLY decide to lose weight

I think this photo is actually harder to share than my 'before' bikini pics were.

Probably because I'm not normally in a bikini, but I am normally in a tee and jeans, and often cooking.

So I must have looked like this.

I'd been hiding away - I honestly now don't know why - from thinking about, confronting my weight gain for so long.

I'd known for a while, for months (ok, years), that it was only a matter of time until I 'did' something about it. But it was as if I were waiting for something really bad to happen before I did it.

I suppose luckily, it wasn't a health scare that was that bad thing. It was an image scare. 

I'd thought I'd kind of looked ok. I only looked in the mirror at certain angles and I took carefully-angled selfies (face only) - time to be really honest now. You never really see unexpected sides or angles, or what you actually look like unless you try.

And then one day - doing what I love, cooking, at a friend's - she took this photo of me.

April 2016

October 2016

And that was the really bad thing that had to happen.

This was the moment, this was the picture that finally made me take action.

And you know the weirdest thing? Like any fear, it's always worse thinking about it. When you DO IT and take action, the fear's kind of gone.

This photo made me cry. A couple of days later when I stood on the scales and confronted the reality that made me cry too. 

Enough was enough - time to take action.

But that was in April, and I haven't felt that awful out-of-control feeling about my body, my eating or my weight since.

We all have a trigger, or a moment that's the one that makes us act.

This was mine.

What I know is - get brave, make a decision, take responsibility and also ENJOY getting results and being happy with your body again.

27 weeks later and 38 pounds lighter, I am.

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There's another round starting MONDAY 9 JANUARY of my 8-week Tiniest Thai eating programme - where I'm sharing what I've changed about my diet and way of eating that's seen my lose the pounds, get happy again in my skin, feeling great - all while eating delicious, healthy Thai-inspired food. 

Want to join us? Find out more here.

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Don't save clothes for 'best' - wear them for everyday + love them!

Years ago I bought a skirt.

About 7 or 8 (or 9) years ago.

It wasn't a specially special kind of skirt to anyone but me - but to me, this was (and probably still is) my perfect skirt.

I saw it (randomly; clearly we weren't out clothes shopping) in a supermarket in Truro, when down in Cornwall, visiting one of my sisters).

It's a sort of flannel-y grey.

It's just above knee length.

It has good fastenings.

And it has a lovely drapey ruche-y front.

I totally adored it on sight. This is my love-at-first-sight sort of a skirt - I love grey, I love draping,

I just loved it.

I'd also just about started to put on some weight round about then.

I bought it in a size 16 without trying it on, convinced it would be perfect. (It wasn't expensive - but I WAS excited about finding my perfect skirt there).

Disappointingly, back at my sister's house when I tried it on, it was the teensiest bit tight ... just an inch or so that made me not comfortable in it. But of course I kept it. It was just an inch.

And in my wardrobe it stayed.

Over the last ten years I put on three stone (that's 3 x 14 pounds maths people - I can't do it in my head).

And the skirt stayed. Every time I tried it it was tighter.

But I still loved it.

Finally, this year, in April, I decided to start losing the weight - and now I've lost all but 7 pounds of it ...

What I didn't do earlier was check in with my favourite ever - yet unworn - skirt.

When I put it on today, thinking, 'oh well, if it's a little loose I'll still wear it' ... well ... it comes on and off without need of the fastenings.

So, goodbye perfect, favourite, unworn skirt - and I hope you fare better in your next home. (And I'll be continuing the search for one just like you - only a little smaller).

AND ... MORAL OF THE STORY!

Do not SAVE your favourite / perfect / ideal clothes for 'one day'.

WEAR THEM.

Love them.

Enjoy them.

I do kinda wish I'd tried this on earlier and worn it a few times.

(BUT .. I'd still rather have lost the weight! )

When I'm lazy ...

When I'm lazy - like now ... well, it's a surprise. 

I push through laziness and 'oh I don't feel like it' - USUALLY - and do it anyway.

But right now, I'm lazy. 

I had this song - of course - pop into my head as I started writing.

I'm not wicked, but I am (right now) lazy.

(And, I've always loved David Byrne. Talking Heads - say no more - except... can you actually pin down a favourite TH song ....  'cos I can't).

I had so much I was going to do - and this morning I did do so much ... including decluttering that unloved 'under the sink' cupboard that's generally so neglected.

Just one cupboard though - I'm taking it one cupboard and drawer at a time.

Kitchen decluttering is one of my favourite 'power tools' in The Tiniest Thai diet - it changes the energy to something new and light and exciting.

But then I went to a BFI London Film Festival screening this afternoon of The Levelling (bleak, beautiful, thought-provoking) and ... when I got home I was going to do EVERYTHING but then just realised I didn't want to.

And more, than that - for once - I didn't want to push past not wanting to.

That's the unusual thing. But that's also sort of the point.

Usually, I KNOW that pushing past 'not wanting to' will feel good, make me feel alive, and my creativity just starts FLOWING.

Today, I made (diet) jalfrezi curry (with real rice) and poured a glass of red wine and wrote this instead.

Instead of the four blog post ideas I've had today and noted down and - earlier - couldn't wait to get back and start writing! Or finalising the menu for next weekend's Tiniest Thai on Tour, and finishing the shopping list ...

Who knows what it is ... but this feeling of laziness is so very very rare, I'm going with it today.

I'm going to make us lemon vodka sours.

I'm going to read my book. Maybe watch some more of the series I'm watching. 

(Yes, still Narcos. LOVE IT).

Have a bath.

And - quite possibly - 'round about midnight - feel the urge to jump straight back on my laptop and write those posts, ha!

So, I'll see you later ... or tomorrow ... but whenever it is, sometimes ...

It's good to be 'lazy'. 

(Well, this once!)

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24 hours in a shepherd's hut / late summer glamping

So easy to get to, off the M40 near Banbury, and then a few miles drive and here we are, in the middle of the beautiful Oxfordshire countryside ... to Chipping Warden and to Blackgrounds Farm Shepherd Hut Holiday for a quick 24-hour-getaway and to make the most of these last - and unexpectedly hot (proper hot! 31 degrees hot!) - days of summer.

Stopped for a Bloody Mary and some lunch at the very friendly pub, The Griffin, in the village, and then on to the farm. A proper, working farm, and as they train racehorses there are also the most beautiful horses in the fields.

Pauline, the owner, has been really friendly and helpful (and patiently answered my billion questions), and in person lives up to that too. It's all just lovely.

There are five huts, two right on the river and three further back in the fields, each totally private.

I love 'Orchard Hut' ... yes, it's in its own orchard. Apples fall off the trees constantly, sometimes making me jump and once landing on my head.

The hut itself is cosy and so cute - like playing house. Everything you could need - and a wood burner for when it does get cold. The Shepherd's Huts are available all year round and I'll definitely be back to experience it in super-cosy wintertime. 

There's a fridge, table, a George Foreman grill (presumably for bad weather days) and even towels are provided. The bed is supremely comfortable, and the view ...fields down to the river with horses just outside the door ... stunning. There are also fairy lights and candles to light - so pretty when dusk comes.

There is a picnic table, a gas barbecue outside, an incredible big fire pit, a stack of logs snug and dry under the hut. A huge hammock.

And an outdoor 'African-style' bathroom - with a HOT shower too. Gorgeous.

It was hot enough to brave swimming in the river. It started raining in the night and that was the last properly hot day of the year, so such perfect timing. The river swim was very cold but very beautiful; well worth it.

Cooked steak and kebabs. Made my 'signature' tomato and onion salad and a green salad too. Tore bits off the baguette to eat. Drank wine. 

Kept the fire going 'til the small hours before closing those stable doors on the hut and having the best sleep in the incredibly comfortable bed.

It was magical.

In the morning it was raining and it felt like 'real life' had returned, but for 24 hours this was a total escape from all reality, living outdoors, yet with all comforts.

I can't wait for my next visit.

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Just two things to note:

1. there's no shop in the village although there is one a couple of miles away in the next - so do bring all your provisions.

2. the only thing I'd do differently on my next visit is to bring our bucket barbecue or to use a disposable one - there was one there - as a gas barbecue to me is just like cooking indoors - none of the outdoor cooking barbecue flavours. But that's a personal preference only and did have a great dinner using the outdoor gas barbie!

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5 good things to do in London (and when visitors visit - where do YOU take them?)

My sisters came to stay this weekend - just the three of us - and, to be honest, most of the time we just laughed.

We could probably have amused ourselves without even going outdoors ... but why stay in, ha?! 

Friday night, we stayed in yes, and chatted, and ate a big home-made (diet) chicken jalfrezi curry.

Oh and played cards.

We love playing cards in my family: Canasta, 2s and 3s, Beat your Neighbour, German Whist, Knockout Whist, Chase The Queen ... how about you?

But Saturday - we did everything!  (And walked 20k steps whilst we did it).

When I go to new places I actually really enjoy finding out what's good about that local area - not just the big city attractions - and so we stayed local this weekend.

So here's five good things to do in (West) London ... 

1. Kensal Green cemetery

Ok, it sounds a bit macabre, but London's big cemeteries are famous - famous as some of their inhabitants.

There are the 'Magnificent Seven' of London cemeteries including Highgate (Karl Marx), Brompton Cross and Kensal Green with Brunel and 700 other notable figures.

So, to the cemetery .... unexpectedly, from the hectic Harrow Road, you go through the huge gates into Kensal Green cemetery and .... suddenly, peace. 72 unexpected acres of peace. And lots and lots and lots of tombs. Utterly fascinating wandering, looking, finding people, wondering at lives long gone ...

A sense of history and belonging and wonder at lives passed and memories still here.

Oases of calm and reflection, London's cemeteries are well worth a visit.

2. Portobello/Golborne markets

 We walked back down Ladbroke Grove, took a left at Bonchurch Road and right onto the very top end of Portobello.

Time to stop for a coffee and (gluten-free - both my sisters are) delicious salted caramel cake at Pearl & Groove in the sunshine.

(Oh, the sunshine - we weighed up all day if it were hot enough to go to the Serpentine in Hyde Park for outdoor swimming - but the weather was so changeable!)

Refreshed, we turned left onto Golborne Road with its patisseries and antique / junk (your choice!) shops and outdoor market bits and pieces ... and after loving some expensive artwork, we also stumbled upon a pretty rose-print plate that I didn't end up buying (could actually find the stall-holder!) and a 1930's/40's oval mirror that my sister fell in love with and bought for £12.

Oh and we stopped at Garcia supermarket on Portobello for some Spanish goodies.

(I was hoping to also make it to my fave Thai supermarket ... but we ran out of time this time).

3. Street food

Acklam Market - off Portobello. Food stalls and live music Saturdays and Sundays.

Hang out all day!

Tempted by the Vietnamese banh mi but in the end we shared a large portion of paella in the end (and it was more than enough for three). Don't just stay the Notting Hill end of Portobello - do come down to see  Acklam Road and on to Golborne.

I didn't take a photo - we devoured it too fast!

4. The Serpentine Lido

And ... we did it.

Yep, we went to the Serpentine Lido in Hyde Park ... there's a cafe/bar next door but once you go into the changing rooms for the Lido (around the walls are old photos of people enjoying the Lido in long, long ago times) you are pretty much unseen. 

Yes, it's cold when you get in (bracing, we like to say in the UK). Yes, you share the water with ducks and swans. And no, you can't see to the bottom of the murky water.

But is it magical? YES.

Outdoor swimming and this feeling of being part of history. You lie back and look towards the bridge and recall the photos in the changing rooms and feel part of history - in this spot so many have swum and will swim and right now it's you. Wonderful.

5. Authentic best tapas in London (in my opinion)

One of my favourite restaurants is Galicia on Portobello Road. Local neighbourhood stalwart, family run, and always busy - and always great food. Honestly, you could be in Spain. Great food and drink and service. I've been coming for over 20 years - and many more to come.

Oh, and I ALWAYS break the diet when here to have bread to scoop up all the delicious sauces. We had padron peppers, garlic chicken, incredible garlic prawns, mixed salad, anchovies, patatas bravas ... and more I can't remember. Yes, and Rioja).

Oh, two more top tips for my don't-miss London attractions?

1. Dennis Severs' House.

The BEST. Just visit. Please. You can't imagine how good. All the info HERE.

2. The Tiniest Thai

My monthly supperclub seats just four guests, right here at The Tiniest Thai Restaurant in London. Message me for details if you're interested in coming to one!

And ... I'd love to hear YOUR local favourites ... where would you take your weekend visitors?

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A weekend camping in Oxfordshire

The weather's been a bit iffy so far this summer, a bit changeable, well ... just a bit 'British summer' really, but the forecast for this weekend was sunshine, so a spur-of-the-moment decision was made, Friday quickly booked off work, and a weekend camping planned.

it did mean several hours Thursday evening spent searching campsites within 90 minutes of so of London ... but in turn that means I now have a new shortlist of great-looking campsites to visit. 

The 'within 90 minutes' is a new rule (to add to: big, lots of space and no crowding; predominantly campsite as opposed to caravan park / motorhomes; campfires allowed. And possibly it's a new rule only for this trip - but when the weather's beautiful and you end up stuck for 4-5 hours each way in the car for one weekend, it doesn't always make sense.

Last year's camping trip to North Devon, was absolutely stunning, but ... it felt a really long way to go for one full day there and, as it poured down, packing up in the teeming rain and then a long drive wasn't the most fun.

It was still well worth doing and I'd love to go back - read more here - but this trip was all about ease. 

So this year, we set off on Friday for Britchcombe Farm camping, just the other side of Oxford and set in the most stunning English countryside close to the beautiful Chalk Downs and historic Ridgeway path, with the famous White Horse Hill just above the farm.

There are five - I think - different fields available for camping and just so much space.

That's what I really love about camping, being outdoors all the time of course and also having a sense of space, just gazing at the sky or the trees, lying on a rug, watching the clouds pass by. 

Other facilities at Britchcombe Farm - there's a tea shop open weekends, a warm welcome, free range eggs and local honey to buy in the on-site shop (which I didn't get to visit this time).

There are spotless portaloos in each field and a water tap, with toilets, showers and washing up facilities at the main farm entrance.

The only thing I think could have been improved on was the showers - I was in one that was freezing cold but then realised there were two that relied on the tank and three that were electric and therefore hot. Once I moved round and tried one of the electric ones it was fine, I just do love a good hot shower and think there could have been more.But that's the only (tiny) thing I could even fault at all.

There's also fridges and freezers to cool ice packs and store food.

I only wish I had more photos of the utterly gorgeous countryside - rolling hills and fields of pretty cream-coloured cows and some noisy sheep - but my phone died the first day and the portable chargers didn't really work, so I had an enforced 'digital detox' too, which was actually rather lovely not to even have the choice!

Gorgeous woods and hedgerows and some sort of magnificent hawk / falcon / bird of prey - just  to lie back on your rug and watch him glide on the airways and hover overhead was amazing to see. 

There isn't a supermarket all that local (that I found) so I'd advise bringing the majority of what you'll need (although we did stock up in the Waitrose in Wantage about 10 miles away through the prettiest ever tree-canopy-covered roads).

There's something so special about sitting outside making dinner, drinking a favourite Bloody Mary, listening to the sound of groups of kids having adventures and seeing the campfires start to be built.

Camping food on this trip was steak on the barbecue with salad and garlic baguette (just decided to try it and it worked better straight on the barbecue than wrapped in foil).

Bacon and eggs for breakfast on the camping stove.

Delicious pork belly slices and fish wrapped in foil with lime juice, chillies, garlic and a little fish sauce (based on this recipe) again all cooked on the barbecue.

So good! 

Home again now, everything smells of woodsmoke and my skin feels hot from being out in the sun so much.

Totally re-charged by nature ...

Britchcombe Farm is a brilliant campsite, beautifully natural, within easy reach of London, with the most stunning countryside and extremely good value.

I'm actually planning another quick visit before the end of this summer, it was so easy and so lovely.

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It's not exactly 'right' ... but it's not a mistake either

Hahaha!

These photos ...  are of my first attempt at mini choc-ices.

And I could say the recipe experiment wasn't a success ... but it was.

You can't be good at anything without trial and error and trying and making 'mistakes' and learning and refining.

The MOST important lesson in the world I think is to just start.

Give it a go. START. Just have a go.

No, you won't be brilliant at anything new straight away but you can't get from A-Z without going through the other letters first.

So, my first go at mini choc ices.  I made lime ice cream and melted chilli chocolate. And I knew it wasn't working right and I can see so clearly now - from having had a go - what I'll do differently next time and can see how it'll work.

Like many things - I over-complicated it a bit. No need for the ice cube tray palaver - freezing the ice cream in a thinner layer on a baking tray is going to be a better idea next time.

And I'm very confident in these being good the next time I make them!

And sometimes ... you learn that what you're trying to force into being just doesn't work.

I've now tried four or five times to make a Thai-style version of arrancini ... and I haven't made it work yet.

I've tried red curry ones, fried rice ones, holy basil and chilli ones.

Dipped them in egg, in flour, cooked with egg, covered in breadcrumbs.  

I do suspect arrancini work because of risotto rice and mozzarella ... But I might keep trying as I can see them so clearly in my head! Maybe sticky rice is the answer?

Ok, scrap that 'learning some things don't work'.

Never give up ... do the work until it works ...

These are not 'mistakes'; they're just part of the discovery + learning + creating.

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3 days in Cómpeta, Spain

When the plane doors open on the tarmac at Malaga airport, the 37 degree heat pours in.  

We trip down the steps and into the airport, basking in the heat, smiling in the sunshine ... and it's already late afternoon.

Pick up the hire car and set off on the very good road along the coast, turning off at Torrox and following the signs to Competa, one of those beautiful pueblos blancos or 'white villages'.

It's so high up in the mountains our ears pop on the way up, and yes - I confess to being a bit terrified by the hairpin bends snaking up, up, up into the mountains ... 

But about 20 minutes later, 20 minutes of climbing round and round and higher and higher, we reach Competa.  

We last came here 27 years ago, me and my oldest and bestest friend, when her parents took a house for a summer and then for Christmas and New Year the following year, which is when I joined them for a week, having then met my friend Kefi at Uni.

Competa has grown bigger but it's still just as beautiful and there's still something special about it.

It's so hot. The views are incredible.

We park and walk to the square.

It seems smaller than we remember it but that's because the chairs and tables from the square's restaurants cover it and when we were here last for New Year only a small area had outside tables.

At that last visit, we had joined in local custom with fizz at midnight and eating 12 grapes each, one for every peal of midnight, from the church's bell.

The church is in the square too. We sit and look at it and order gin+ tonics (which comes to be our drink of this holiday and are served in the most enormous fishbowl glasses) and a couple of tapas - a slice of tortilla and a tiny dish with three meatballs.

We call Graeme, from the B&B we have booked, and he says he'll walk to the square to meet us as it's difficult to explain which back streets and roads we need to take (although it's only a couple of minutes to walk). When he arrives we learn that he and his wife Jo have only just taken over running the B&B and moved to Competa just a week and a half before!

We drive round and park and Graeme kindly takes our bags on the very steep walk from the car to La Vista. It's a 200-year-old townhouse, lots of stairs and low ceilings and levels of little terraces. 

0ur twin room is exactly what we need.  it's small, but has two huge windows open on two sides and it's clean and pretty with space to hang our clothes and a nice bathroom with shower. Yep, everything we need.

And up more stairs, right to the top, is the plunge pool, plenty big enough and so very needed in this heat. Lots of places to sit and read - and an honesty bar with beer, wine and soft drinks.

We head out for dinner and eat in the square - more gin + tonics, gambas pil pil, squid, salad, ham, bread ... and back to La Vista for a few drinks on the terrace.  

The light is so beautiful as we look down the mountain to the sea, and then there's the most spectacular sunset.

And that was basically it for three days.

Sunbathing, reading, pool, chatting, lots of G+Ts, lots of gambas pil pil, lots of squid ('squidlington' it became known ha!).

Great breakfasts at La Vista with bread (from the bakery literally opposite), ham and chorizo and salami and cheese. Yogurts, melon, tomato, And good coffee.

I love this little town.

Love the cobbled streets, the narrow passageways, the steep walkways, love it. The beautiful tiles around the doorways. The sun on the white houses.

At the market on Saturday morning, there's incredible produce with enormous spring onions and peppers and tomatoes. We buy pil pil spice mix and some bowls.

We found the disco that we'd been to (so often) during our last visit - but despite waiting 'til 11pm on the Saturday night, it wasn't open that day. Maybe for the best ... 

One lunchtime in the square we found ourselves in the middle of the most beautiful wedding.

We kept eating the same food as it was so delicious!

The gambas pil pil at one of the restaurants in the square was absolutely perfect, with cloves and cloves of sweet garlic in the oil that we mushed onto the fresh bread (and ate them all). The squid was perfectly charred, sometimes served with rice and sometimes with chips. 

They brought mini choc-ices instead of chocolates with the bill (an idea I'm stealing for The Tiniest Thai). 

The sun shone, the views were amazing, the food was great, and our hosts at La Vista couldn't have been friendlier or more helpful. 

If we'd had longer we'd have made a trip down the mountain for a day at the beach, but as it was we were having such a nice, relaxing time that we stayed in Competa until it was time to brave (slowly) the mountain road and head back to Malaga to come home.

It's easy to get to, very beautiful and makes a perfect short break from the UK. La Vista is, I think, the only B&B in the little town itself and I'll definitely be back. It's also exceptionally good value.

Can't recommend highly enough.

I also just can't recommend highly enough going away for a short break with an old friend.

We laughed and talked and came up with so many new ideas. We read and ate and slept and talked and laughed more.

So good for you!

In just three days I put on a little weight (!), got a tan, totally relaxed and had the best time chatting non-stop with a dear friend. And drank quite a few G+T's. 

After a very delayed flight, a long journey home arriving back at 4am, a little sleep and back to work ... I get home and cannot resist eating more holiday food. 

I made a gambas (prawn) pil pil with the spice mix, a favourite tomato + onion salad and cooked the chorizo I'd bought in Spain with red wine. All with fresh bread and a bottle of Rioja. 

Gambas pil pil recipe to follow! 

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Play, experiment, find your passion (mine's Thai cooking)

Today is all about playing and experimenting ... I just made this ... 

It's a Thai red curry with chicken - and peppers ('cos that's what was in the fridge) - with added chilli, garlic and kaffir lime leaves (is there a better smell than crushed kaffir lime leaves?).

The experimentation came in the sauce - this is made with almond milk rather than coconut milk - as I'm playing with ideas and substitutes whilst creating The Tiniest Thai diet.

Firstly, it was delicious! It works! I'll be sharing a recipe soon.

Secondly ... this playing and having fun with my passion for cooking and Thai cooking and creating my diet and eating plan ... well, that's the MOST important thing.

Just a few short years ago, I didn't even know what my passion was, what I loved doing. It seems incredible now, but the days just went by, me getting through them, thinking that's just how it was.

Work, hard work, a bit of TV, a bit of reading, a bit of chatting to friends, some going to the pub or for dinner. But it seems somehow surreal now looking back EVEN THOUGH THAT WAS MY LIFE FOR SO LONG ... what did I talk about? think about?

WHY didn't I have specific goals and passions?

WHY was I drifting through my life - not entirely happy - instead of actively creating it?

I'm glad, beyond glad, that I 'woke up'. And the point at which I woke up was horrible yes. An awful job with the most insane stressful horrible culture.

I'm glad I was there. I'm glad it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm glad I had been in a pretty difficult and dark place anyway and then went that extra step to rock bottom ... because for me, I didn't break down.

I finally stood up.

I came to that point where I finally said NO. This is NOT happening. I WILL NOT let this continue.

And right there and then, without a job to go to, I found my self esteem, self worth, self love - I think for the first time ever with such certainly - and stood up and said NO. I gave in my notice.

I didn't know what I was going to do - only that I was going to find out what I wanted to do.

That was the beginning of consciously creating my life. Finding time, making time, for the things that really matter to me. Making it happen. Prioritising it.

And three years later, it's why I'm here playing with and experimenting with recipes.

Because that's what I want to do and love to do.

(I'm actually pretty excited about how good the almond milk substitute for coconut milk turned out).

If you're drifting through, rather than actively deciding on your life, I can only say ... DON'T.

Find what you love. Experiment until you find it.

I'm as passionate now about sharing how important it is to FIND your passion as I am about kaffir lime leaves ...

So, what's your passion?

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Portion sizes / Choose consciously / Keep going (Week 4 of 12 on The Tiniest Thai diet)

A third of the way into my 12 weeks - and three main takeouts (not the curry or Chinese kind!) this week:

1. Portion sizes

I'm greedy. Or rather, I was greedy. And I hate waste (especially food waste) so I'll tend to eat pretty much what's there. 

Best example is probably rice.  As it's non-wheat and it's gluten-free, I tend to think of rice as just 'healthy'. Which it is of course, but ... I was eating way too much of it.  For me, it's a little like pasta, where you just don't trust that the measured amount is going to be enough so you throw in more (and it's too much but you just eat it all). 

So I've been measuring what looks like a TINY portion of uncooked rice at around 20g ... but cooked it gives me my own decided portion size of two tablespoons (and a little leftover that I throw away or keep for another time). 

And ... it's ENOUGH. Learning ENOUGH has been brilliant for me.

(This sounds really bad to admit, but I will admit that, since measuring and following my Thai-style diet, I've actually noticed how much I'm saving on shopping and how much longer things are lasting).

2. Choosing consciously.

Oh this is a big one.  I've been working on it and it's finally sort of clicking into gear for me.

Ok, so the other morning, I was off on the train to a client meeting early and wandering around looking for something for breakfast ... I really wanted a bacon sandwich.  But, I spent five minutes thinking it through.  

And my reasoning was, 'yes, of course have one ... IF you're really going to enjoy it'.  

And, honestly, I couldn't say that would be true.  It would be a bit of a rubbish one from a train station outlet and I'd eat it quickly whilst standing and ... I knew that - today at least - I'd regret having it. 

Another day, when I'm going to love and enjoy it, sure! But today, I went and got a black coffee and a 'protein pot' from M&S and some mango too. And felt good.

3. Keep going.

In the past, I know I've done this.  So there's a dinner out with friends, or a family lunch, or a client do ... or something ... and you have incredible, delicious choices in front of you. 

You can do what I used to do - and what I suspect a lot of us do - and just throw total caution to the winds!

'Well, what can I do? I might as well have everything that's here!' And not just that, but afterwards, 'oh well, I've 'ruined' today now - might as well keep eating!'.

But .... it's life.  And it's also good food and a great time having a social happy time.

I'm proud of myself that I'm learning to do two things - firstly, choose kind of wisely. I say kind of because no, I can't resist chips. But I can resist dessert, and I can choose food that's going to nurture me as well as delight my taste buds. 

And secondly, so what? It was good, it was fun, it's life. But get straight back on with choosing consciously what's good for your body and - if you're trying to lose weight - what's going to help achieve that. Straight away, that same day/evening - just make a good choice. 

Enjoy what you've had (mindful conscious choosing - and then get right back on with choosing what's going to get results).

Some favourites from Week 4

Iced coffee made with almond milk

So good.  Make an espresso or small, strong coffee.  Tip into the blender along with a handful of ice cubes, a teaspoon of vanilla extract, a mug of almond milk and blend. One of my favourites!

On-the-go breakfast / brunch / lunch

These 'protein pots' from M&S are delicious - and surprisingly filling.  My favourite is this salmon one with edamame and a wasabi dressing.

Omelettes

Two eggs, beaten in a bowl for each omelette.  One an Arabic omelette with herbs and one a Thai omelette with a little soy sauce, cooked chicken and served with fish sauce and sliced chillies.

A super-simple-supper of steamed fish

Steamed in a parcel or cooked in a remoska with chillies, garlic, lime juice a little sugar and spring onions.  Delicious.

Here's the recipe.

Simple squid or chicken stir fry

Again, very simple and utterly delish!

I love to keep a packet of frozen squid (and other seafood actually) in the freezer and it defrosts so fast and you can make all sorts of good things. 

I'll be back to share Week 5 soon!

PS. I lost 1 lb this week. That's fine. I also ate well, and ate out a couple of times. Sometimes it'll be faster and sometimes slower - and I was all about a gentle mindset this week and not pushing myself.

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4 Pounds Lost + Doubt Overcome: The Tiniest Thai Weight-loss Diet Week 3 of 12

Week 3 (of a planned 12) was a harder one than the previous two have been. Harder than I was expecting - at the start anyway.

Doubt crept in.

It tested me a bit but then ... my big takeaway (not a curry one either - ha!) from this week was to ... JUST KEEP GOING 

When you're not seeing results, when you start wondering what the point is, when you feel like 'giving up' (although going back to how you were eating before was clearly not the best for your health). 

I'm learning to focus on the outcome I want, the result I want and - even when it feels like it's not happening - to TRUST and BELIEVE and to KEEP GOING.

So, I started the week having put on a pound.

And I knew that was going to happen at some point, as I'm weighing daily, and I KNOW it's just a number, just a fact and that my tracking that is helping me but still ... I did feel disappointed.

And then ...

BEING GIVEN SANDWICHES FOR LUNCH

It wasn't helped by the fact I had a lunch meeting the next day with sandwiches provided - and I'm not eating sandwiches on my Thai-style diet. 

But what can you do?

LIFE is still going to be there and throwing things at you - so what I've decided to do is NOT do what I've done previously, and just think 'oh well, if I can't do it then! I might as well have ALL the sandwiches, AND the cakes while I'm at it!'.

I'm just trying to do what I can, the best I can, and not give myself a hard time about it.

So I had three little quarter sandwiches and chose chicken and salad (the mayo was out of my control) rather than cheese or ham. And I said no to the pastries and the sausage rolls. I did have a handful of crisps (because crisps are my total downfall and because I love them) but I said no to the cake and ate grapes instead. I did ok.

I can't beat myself up about this - this is a huge one for me to learn a middle ground rather than being so all or nothing.

And then - on Thursday, I weighed myself first thing and ... I was 2 pounds lighter! 

YES!

 So, so happy. Feel vindicated that what's important is to keep going, just keep going and make conscious choices whenever you can.

DINNER PARTY FOOD

And on Friday I had friends for dinner, to my monthly Tiniest Thai Salon where we talked about creativity and poetry and all sorts of good things. I was worrying about what to cook (well, what I would eat really) but then made a menu that no-one would even know was 'diet' food.

We had a tom yum goong hot sour soup with prawns to start. Tom yum probably USES more calories to eat it than it contains!

Just don't even worry about this one - it's a goodie.

Then a Thai-style roast chicken served with rice (I had only a spoon or two of this) and a Thai-inspired salad (which doesn't have any oil at all in the dressing - and I skimped on the sugar that my own recipe includes).

View fullsize

I also put out a home-made sweet chilli sauce (which looks impressive but is super-easy) as it goes perfectly with the chicken - but I was careful to only have a teaspoon myself.

But you know what? That teaspoon was actually the perfect amount now I'm being mindful and not sloshing it in without thinking.

For dessert I made a fruit salad with mango, melon, kiwi and apple - served with a sugar/salt/chilli dip

MY FAVOURITE THINGS TO EAT THIS WEEK

Breakfasts ...

Usually fruit and/or eggs. 

Papaya with squeezed fresh lime is so delicious - and two hard boiled eggs with some salt and pepper or a drop of soy sauce are packed with protein and keep me full until lunch.

Lunchtime ...

I made a really easy salad at lunch at work by taking in some chicken I'd cooked at home on the griddle the night before - with salt and pepper and ground cumin plus just ONE teaspoon of oil.

I mixed the diced cooked chicken with cucumber and spring onions and a little sliced red chilli and lots of lime juice - then spooned this mixture into little gem lettuce leaves.

It makes such a difference to me spending a little time making my food look really appetising!

 Sunshine coloured fruit for pud - mango and melon.

Dinnertime ...

This was a good dinner. And the preparation time is really quick - I soaked a few dried porcini mushrooms in water whilst pottering around getting the other ingredients together - they probably soaked for 10-15 minutes. 

Then I just put fillets of sea bass in the remoska (I absolutely LOVE my little remoska oven - it does the best roast chicken - but you could make foil parcels and put them in a conventional oven to steam and bake inside the foil) and added:

- the porcini mushrooms, taken from the water (keep the water!) and sliced (removing any tough stalks)

- 3 tablespoons light soy sauce mixed with the mushroom water and 1 teaspoon sugar

- 1 rasher of bacon, diced

- 2 spring onions, sliced

Cook for about 20 minutes or until done.  I served it with a little rice (2 tablespoons of cooked rice is my own diet portion) and some stir fried green vegetables with chilli, garlic and a little soy sauce.

And this was a good dinner too. 

I had sausages in the freezer and I hate waste so diet or no diet I was going to use them!

So I made a little cut in the sausage and squeezed the meat out of the casing. Two per person.

I mixed the meat with a splash of soy sauce, a little garam masala and some flour and rolled them into little meatball shapes.

I browned them in the pan (using the spray oil) then added diced celery and garlic and stock.  When cooked I added a splash of red wine vinegar and a good pinch of dried chilli flakes and we had them with rice noodles (and a veg stir fry as I had some vegetables that needed using!).

Yes, it was a harder week at the start but I kept going - and started seeing results!

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All the blog posts ... (that I didn't write)

You know how it is.  Ideas just come. All the time, but sometimes insistently. Like it wants YOU to do something with it.

And when an idea grabs me and asks to be written - sometimes although love the idea I don't have time or inclination, or it's not possible right then.  Sometimes I walk round the park with the dog whilst saying the whole post out loud just exactly as it in that moment comes into my head.

And sometimes I get home and write it.

And other times I write down a quick heading in my draft blogs to remind me what it was and so I can go back to it later.

I've just checked and there's over 20 headings in that draft folder including .... this very one ... 

And actually, for me - and for most of us, I believe, it's quite unusual to come back to an idea.

So often we have an idea, leave it for later and life and stuff gets in the way and we don't do it.

When we come back to it - MUCH later - the moment's passed and the inspiration's gone.  Yes, the idea's still good, but that free-flowing oh-I-can-hardly-type-fast-enough-to-get-my-thoughts-out has kind of gone.

When I read Big Magic (and saw Liz GIlbert speak on her Big Magic speaking tour last November), this was one of my favourite ideas - that ideas themselves are sort of alive and flying around looking for someone to bring them to life.  

And they settle on you, and you're all, 'YEAH this is a FAB idea', ... but if you don't do it, don't write it or sing it or whatever it is you wanted to do with it ... then the idea's going to fly off and find someone else as its vehicle for expression.

I really liked this! It gave an explanation to what happens to me all the time.

Personally, I have lots and lots of ideas every single day.  And the reason my tally of unwritten blogs hasn't actually increased since I first had the idea to write about it is because I now know I'm not going to 'run out' of ideas.

Ideas come every day. Some I'll jump on and I just can't NOT write them.  

Others I love but ... honestly, I know I'm not going to do.

And now, instead of writing them down as draft blog headings - and adding sub-consciously to that never-done 'to do' list - I let them go. (So much more freeing for us both).

They might come back. Our timings might coincide and collide again. 

But I don't try and keep them as 'mine', mine to come back to another time.  Usually both my energy and the idea itself are feeling stale and like a chore by then.

I let them go. 

I have no concerns at all that I won't have a million more live ideas tomorrow, and the next day.

And sometimes, well, infrequently, but like right now ... this idea came back to me and said, very loudly, 'GET OFF THE SOFA, PUT YOUR GLASS OF WINE ON THE TABLE, GET THE LAPTOP OUT, AND WRITE ME. NOW'.

And so I did.

And here this idea is - wanting to be seen and heard. 

Use them, lose them, let them go. They need to be heard but not always through you.

And you, you will ALWAYS have more ideas.

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PS. Every time I thought, 'All the blog posts', I sing it in my head to Kylie's 'All the Lovers'.

And I love that song, so hey :) 

PPS. That happens to me a LOT. Like, when I'm on a bus and it goes round Marble Arch and I think, 'Rach, just ONCE, just once DON'T think 'Cumberland Sausage Gate' and THEN I see the road sign and it says 'Cumberland Gate' - and too late; I've already thought NOT to think about it again ... 

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2 lbs lost / 4 things learnt: Tiniest Thai weight-loss diet wk 2 of 12

Wow, what a difference a week makes!

This Monday morning was almost tears of happiness - and feeling just pretty euphoric actually.

Not just that the number on the scales is going down, but that I'm feeling in control and that feeling of having taken action on something. 

This week I lost 2 lbs.

And I learnt 4 main things:

 1. Accountability is HUGE!

I mentioned this last week, but it's so true.  Because I've announced and told everyone I want to lose weight AND because I'm blogging my results, it's definitely given me a bit more resolve than I might have otherwise had.  

2. The small things matter.

I've made a few small changes that are making a big difference.  

* No milk in my coffee or tea - I'm having a couple of black coffees a day (with a teaspoon of sugar in each) and maybe one green tea with mint. But no milk.

* No peanuts!

Peanuts are delish of course, and very very more-ish and I can't stop picking at them if there's a packet in the cupboard. But they're incredibly full of fat and not good, nut-fat, healthy-heart-fat either, being a vegetable not a nut.

So for that crunch in my salads and stir fries, I'm toasting a few flaked almonds instead.

* I'm also using an oil spray for cooking rather than sloshing the oil in without thinking. I have to turn the garlic and chillies quickly and often before even 30 seconds is up I have to add a little slosh of water, but this seemingly tiny change is having a big impact.

3. I feel a little lighter and that makes exercise seem easier.  

I'm feeling really motivated about measuring my steps daily and aiming for 12k.  

To be honest I often struggle to reach 10k, which I know is what we're all supposed to achieve daily for just good health rather than weight loss, but it's the difference in my mindset I'm proud of - and I'm really interested in and looking for ways to naturally increase my steps.

4. Decluttering.

Woo-hoo! Didn't expect this! I love a bit of decluttering and the drive kicked in this week - firstly, to declutter my food cupboards and get those out of date herbs out of there and the ancient baking bits and pieces I've never ever used.  Time to clear that stale energy from the kitchen!

And having done that ... well, I moved on to my bathroom cupboard and wardrobe ... I can't WAIT 'til I can declutter all my 'fat' clothes and be building up a gorgeous capsule wardrobe of happy weight clothes.

This week's favourite recipes:

Lunches ...

* 2 poppadums cooked in the microwave at work (literally seconds) or brought in ready cooked.  

Topped with a little cottage cheese, a little mango chutney, chopped cucumber, spring onion, red chilli and coriander leaves.

* a great green salad with mixed salad leaves and avocado + a dressing of lime juice.

Spending a little time making my food look pretty also makes me appreciate and savour it more.

Dinners ...  

I'm more likely to add a little carbohydrate to dinner - some rice noodles or a couple of tablespoons of plain boiled basmati rice.

I've made a version of a seafood pad krapow stir fry (using spray oil) and had some really good salads using the salad base of this steak salad but topped with griddled chicken or seafood.

I have to confess there were some treats around this week at work too - but one of the BIG things for me is just learning not to be 'all or nothing'. 

So - yes, I did have a very small slice to taste the delicious cake that my colleague and friend (and baker extraordinaire) Jackie brought in for someone's birthday (deconstructed Snickers cake - you think I could refuse, even with my zero-sweet-tooth?!).

But I didn't have a huge slice, and that's one of the things I'm learning - I'm not trying to deprive myself here, but I am wanting to lose weight - so i'm always looking to the result, to the outcome, but in a way that's going to work for me.

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10 things making me happy right now

1. The sun's shining and that always makes this sun-worshipper a little bit lighter, brighter, happier, more energised.  Soaking up some rays feels like re-charging my batteries with goodness. 

The sun is shining and ... this song's therefore in my head.

2. I'm also feeling actually lighter through losing weight on the Tiniest Thai weight-loss diet.  Week 4 of 12 starts tomorrow, I'm 8lbs lighter and looking forward to sharing the eating plan when I've finished working through it myself.

In the meantime, here's what I learnt during Week 1.

3. Iced coffee.  I love it.  Black with one sugar, lots of ice clinking in the glass. I don't know why but it makes me feel a little bit French and a little bit chic. And I'm not going to question that, just enjoy it! 

4. Poetry.  The first Tiniest Thai Salon was held on Friday evening and it was so much fun getting to talk about favourite poems and hear other people's.  We had a lot of love for Michael Rosen as a huge formative influence for a few of us and our love of language.  He might be a children's poet - but that doesn't mean adults can't enjoy his stuff too.  

My friend Rhys had 'Keith's Cupboard' as his favourite Michael Rosen poem - it's a few poems down on this.  

Next Salon date to be announced soon - the next one we'll be chatting about creativity and how you find, channel, enjoy yours.

5. Som tam.  I LOVE som tam.  Addicted to it. Hot, crunchy, sour, refreshing - my favourite salad.  And it doesn't matter if you can't get green papaya or green mango - it's (almost) as good using courgette, carrots, and green pepper - all sliced very thin.  

Here's my version. I'm using a few toasted hazelnuts instead of peanuts (which are a vegetable and therefore not heathy good nut fats) while on my diet and having it with some griddled chicken.

6. Being outdoors.  This time of year is just so spectacularly beautiful and I'm so lucky to have a very beautiful park nearby.  I was there this morning early and just noticing the conkers appearing on the trees, the lushness of the different greens everywhere, the white flowers, the birdsong. 

Really do feel very lucky to be outdoors walking the dog and noticing the seasons changing and nature doing it's thing. 

7. I'm still really happy about having been accepted as a Huffington Post blogger! Even though I've only had one piece published so far (there's another currently with them awaiting publication) it makes me smile every time I think about it.  

8. Adventures ahead. Travel is one of the things that makes me feel most alive. If I had to choose I'd pick experiences over 'things' any day and I have so many memories of incredible experiences.

This year I've planned lots of mini-adventures so there's never too long in between them.  

The next is a few days in Spain in a few weeks and I'm already excited - especially to be going back to the exact village I went to when I was 18 (it was my first flight too!).  I'm going back with the same friend I went with that first time, so we're going to be revisiting some old memories as well as making new ones.

Can't wait.

9. Family, friends, love. Of course. Goes without saying, but then not to say it doesn't feel right either! Just had a long chat on the phone with one of my sisters and that ALWAYS makes me happy.

10. Ooh, so the last one is this.  A tom yum soup. Hadn't made it for ages but it's a great one for the Tiniest Thai diet and I'd forgotten how incredibly easy it is to make and how incredibly delicious.

Here's my recipe - do try it!

What's making you happy right now?

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The Tiniest Thai diet for weight loss: week 1 of 12

This is quite a scary one for me.  

I've known for ages that I've been putting on weight (of course) - and ... I've been putting my head in the sand about it.  Thinking that somehow it'll just stop and somehow I'll 'lose weight' and somehow just drop those pounds and be back to my happy weight.

Well, guess what? Sticking your head in the sand doesn't work ... and last weekend, after a weekend of eating huge bowls of pasta in some sort of pasta trance, I woke up on the Monday morning incredibly bloated and uncomfortable and downright unhappy.

But it seems, that was the point that enough was enough.

I did it. I got the scales out and stood on them and found I was back to the heaviest weight I have ever been.

It was soul-destroying. Crushing. I was tearful and scared that it was out of my control and full of self-loathing. 

And I also decided to do something about it. 

It's ridiculous! I KNOW about food! And about nutrition.  I talk about it and help people with it.  I KNOW what to do, which makes it even harder to understand why I'm sabotaging myself like this. 

So, I weighed myself and I decided to there and then start using my knowledge of food and nutrition and especially Thai food to develop my own weight loss diet.  

I mean, when you think of Thai people you don't exactly think of overweight people.  You think of beautiful, healthy people with clear skin and shiny hair - of sunshine, beaches, fruit and smiles.

I cook Thai food to share recipes here and for my supperclub - it's just that I haven't worked on a healthy, happy way of eating for weight loss.  But it lends itself so naturally towards that too as I've written previously.

Week 1 then.  I made it up as I went along. 

I lost 4 lbs (mainly because I started from a starting point of totally bloated from the Weekend of Pasta). 

Here's 5 key things I learnt from Week 1

1. It's all about your mindset. 

When I woke up to what was happening to my body and was upset about it, I finally admitted to myself how it was making me feel.  It was making me scared and upset. The first point is to take action. Be honest with yourself and vow to take action. 

When you're ready to do this, you're ready. No point forcing yourself if the mindset isn't there - you'll only be fighting with - and lying to - yourself.

2. Action, any action.

Yep, any action, no matter how small.  I started noting down (just on Google Keep on my phone) every single thing I ate and drank. 

And I noticed where I was guessing or cheating - for instance on top of his biscuits I always give my dog a very little roast chicken (from a pack I buy for him from the supermarket) and I realised that every single day I was eating a slice of roast chicken too.  

I was having a sugar in my morning tea, when I'm very happy to have tea without sugar. 

I was choosing a banana a day from the fruit at work rather than having an apple. 

Make every single tiny change - yes, they do matter, yes they do add up (even when you think they wont').

3. Pay attention.

I was upset with myself for having put the weight on and letting it get to this point without catching it before and earlier.  Well, this is a mindset one for me for sure - I'm great in a crisis, in fact I LOVE a crisis, but just sort of normal life discipline, less good.  It's going to be one for me to work on when I'm back to my happy weight to make sure it doesn't go on again. 

I know all the general diet advice is not to weigh yourself every day but to do it once a week but hey, this is MY diet plan and having seen what happens when I DON'T pay frequent attention, then right now for a few weeks I am going to micro-manage the hell out of this. 

I am weighing myself every single morning and making a note of it. And yes I know that some days I might go up a pound and I KNOW that I'm really only measuring once a week BUT the discipline of every day is working for me.

I'm also keeping a note of everything I eat and drink.  You know, it's just a fact, you're recording facts, this stuff doesn't come with any intrinsic WORTH attached to it. 

What's the phrase?  'Where attention goes, energy flows'.

And I WANT that attention and energy on my weight and my food and my diet right now.

4. Don't hide from the emotions.

I admit it, I felt horrible that first day. Honestly, sick of myself, full of self-loathing and disbelief that I could be so stupid. Why I seemingly had no will power.  Why I was doing this to myself.

Ok, don't hide from the emotions - and of course the emotions around our self-image and weight can be intense.  Feel them, yes, but then we have to find a way to release them.

It's not good, it's not kind to talk to yourself like that - I know I wouldn't speak to a friend feeling the same like this.

So let it go however that works for you.  You could journal about it. Meditate on it.

I also use EFT - emotional freedom technique - 'tapping'.  I tapped a lot that first day and I've been tapping on these feelings ever since.  It's another odd one, because I tap frequently, but I've never done it on my feelings about my weight before.

(At the end of the 12 weeks developing this eating plan, I'll be adding more information and videos to tap to, but in the meantime, just look on YouTube as there are lots of fab EFT people with videos there).

5. Measure it out

I don't mean weigh everything, I just mean be mindful.  

I used to slosh oil in the pan to stir fry in a very cavalier way - somehow thinking it wouldn't make a difference.  In fact it made about 200 calories every meal a difference.  I'd eat a huge portion of rice without thinking, but cutting it down to a smaller one - well, I am more than as satisfied, in fact more so as I'm comfortably fed rather than uncomfortably full.

Try having a little less. 

I've been having half a chicken breast for instance rather than a whole one, and again, like the rice portion, it's fine.  More than fine. It's enough.  

And 'enough' is that elusive amount that when shovelling quantities of food in mindlessly, you don't hear the whisper of 'enough'. 

Here's some of my favourite things I made this week

Well, I made a really good kao tom (rice soup) for brunch - it will also make an excellent lunch or dinner.  I made sure I used just a tablespoon of cooked rice and a very small piece of chicken (perhaps 1/3 of a breast).  And I measured out 1/2 teaspoon sugar and 1/2 teaspoon chilli flakes at the end for the flavour.

Sticking with eggs, I've also been boiling eggs in the evening to take two hard boiled eggs with me in the morning for breakfast when I get to work.  They're really good with some salt and pepper or a little soy sauce (or a teaspoon of sweet chilli sauce) and really keep you filled up until lunch.

And my favourite steak salad.  I've had it with griddled chicken too which was very good.

Oh and snacks-wise? 

I've been making an effort to have interesting fruit in the house! And I take the time to peel the kiwi fruit, slice the fresh pineapple, core and chop the apple ... and have them with a very little of a delicious sugar/salt/chilli dip.

There's something about taking the time to prepare the food and enjoy it that's just luxurious, and it sends a great big message to your subconscious that you are WORTH this gorgeous fruit and to have it beautifully prepared for you to enjoy.

I know there'll be ups and downs along the way over the next 12 weeks, but I'm feeling really happy to have started - and actually enjoying it too!

When I've finished the 12 weeks, I'll be creating The Tiniest Thai diet as a 12-week programme to share.

UPDATE: 1 JAN 2017. I'm now on Week 37!! I've lost 40 pounds and am feeling like ME again - and happy in my skin.

And The Tiniest Thai diet IS now an 8-week programme - here's all the info if you'd like to join the Thai Diet Revolution!

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