Exercise .... sounds hard. Moving every day ... is so good

Yoga and regular movement is changing my life.

When I was in my early teens I ran. A lot. I ran and ran. I ran miles when I got home from school. I ran in the dry, I ran in the rain, I ran in the snow. I kind of hated it .. and halfway through the hour or so that I ran .. I LOVED it.

I was also, in my head, training for the next Olympics. Yep me, a lanky 13-year-old in the Norfolk countryside.

And I did ballet. From age 4 - 16. A LOT of ballet.

I loved trampolining, netball, racing around outdoors with my sisters, horse riding. As WELL as being the total 100% bookworm.

I was a skinny, tall, lanky kid ... and then around 14-15 I developed.

NOT HAPPY.

No more Royal Ballet School.

Hello sports bra.

And then I started going out and more into music and travel and writing and studying ... and I went to Uni in London in the year of the new summer of love :)

Partying, playing, experimenting, learning, being.

I never found my love of movement again.

I joined gyms, went through phases. Bought the kit - for a new hobby of sailing, or riding, or whatever.

Planned to BE THAT PERSON.

But I just wasn't.

You know, I think it also has a lot to do with weight.

It's HARD to move - let alone feel confident - when you're overweight. If you struggle to breathe when you bend over to put on a shoe ... well ...

And lugging an extra 10, 20, 30, 40 pounds along with you?

It's HARD WORK.

I increased my walking a lot last year. I started scooting home and sometimes walking the hour home from work.

And now something's shifted.

I now LOVE and WANT to move every day.

I feel my body was MADE to move.

I walk home, I swim, I walk the dog, I do 30-minute wonderful online sessions of yoga.

The yoga in particular is changing my life.

The moving everyday - and more importantly - the LOVING and WANTING to move every day .. is changing my life.

And my core muscles, and my balance and my strength ... and my peace.

Don't give up.

I'm 47 years old and I only just found how it works for me.

Don't give up.

Try things, go easy on yourself, lose some weight first, whatever works for you.

But I honestly NEVER thought I would find my love of exercise and movement again.

35 years later ... I have.

Keep going, keep trying things.

It's SO worth it to feel at one with your body again.

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There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to lose weight

It seems to me that the whole self-acceptance thing has gone too far.

It now actually feels that you're WRONG in some way and that you'll be judged for wanting to lose some weight.

You are in charge of you: you don't have to sign up to the 'love yourself at any size' brigade.

You CAN say you'd feel happier in your own skin by losing some weight.

You don't have to dress it up as wanting to be 'healthier', or 'more empowered' - although those are great things to want too.

There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to lose weight.

To wanting to feel happy again in your own skin.

With wanting to get back to your own personal happy weight.

But some days it feels like all I see are messages that you don't have to change yourself to be happy - you ' just have to learn to love yourself the way you are'.

Well, I disagree.

Totally disagree.

If that's for you, then hey go for it.

I genuinely want each and every one of us to feel happy in our own skin.

But for me, I know ... I was NEVER going to feel happy in my skin, overweight, uncomfortable when I bent over to put my shoes on, out of breath ... feeling NOT LIKE ME.

It's all gone too far I think.

The solution is NOT for everyone to 'learn to love yourself' or 'be happy at any weight, you're still the same person'.

Because ... actually for many of us?

We're NOT.

We're not the person we are when we can move easily, walk and run up the stairs freely. When we're feeling good in our skin. When we start enjoying clothes again.

When we feel more OURSELVES, our real selves again.

Yes, I think it's gone too far.

There is NOTHING wrong in saying, declaring ...

'You know what? I'd feel happier if I lost some weight'.

You don't have to couch it in other language, dress it up as something more spiritual or whatever is is.

You ARE allowed to just want to lose some freaking weight and feel happy in your skin.

We were not born overweight and we weren't designed to be overweight.

Do NOT feel that in this current climate of acceptance - which is great of course, acceptance of everyone as they are and as they are happy to be, YES .. but you?

If you're NOT HAPPY being overweight, there's nothing wrong with saying so, declaring your mission to lose the weight - there's nothing to hide.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING TO LOSE WEIGHT WHEN YOU'RE NOT HAPPY THE WEIGHT YOU ARE.

Oops, lots of shouty caps there!

It actually makes me really angry that people are basically being told to change their mindset - to be happy being unhappy in their own skin!

F-that! You can be, do and have whatever you want!

And if you're unhappy in your skin, at your current weight? You know what?

YOU DECIDE ... YOU get to decide to change that.

Set your goals, and commit.

Then choose to take the actions needed to get the results you want.

And keep going.

I'm with you all the way :) 

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#ShareFoodStories ... Jane Swift / smoked salmon pinwheels

jane swift

“We’ve made smoked salmon pinwheels in our family as a special Christmas treat for as long as I can remember.

Making them, and eating them, conjure up memories of all my Christmas’ past. Sometimes specific memories come to mind, but mostly this particular dish conjures up general memories of Christmas, family and tradition. 

These are so delicious and delightful to eat at any time of year, not simply at Christmas, but for me they will always make me think of Kings College carols, a glass of sherry, and my mum’s kitchen. 

They are very easy to make, perfect as canapés or as a simple starter that you can make the day before a dinner.

Personally I could scoff the plateful all on my own, but I suppose really they’re better to share!  
”

— Jane

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To make Jane's salmon pinwheels, you'll need:

thin sliced soft brown bread

butter, soft and ready to spread

smoked salmon

fresh lemon juice

black pepper

Cut the crusts off the sliced bread, and spread with butter.

Carefully separate the layers of smoked salmon and lay a piece over each slice of bread.

Generously squeeze lemon juice on top,and a grind of black pepper.

Then roll the bread and salmon - to create a spiral of salmon within the bread - and tightly encase in foil so that it holds it's shape.

Best left in the fridge overnight, but an hour or so will do if you want to eat them sooner.

When you take the rolls from the fridge, unwrap them and cut into maybe four small sushi-sized spiral bites from each slice of bread. 

Eat and enjoy (preferably accompanied by a glass of something fizzy!). 

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YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE ...

#ShareFoodStories ... Kerrie Rycroft / tuna 'envelopes'

Kerrie Rycroft

“This was very low on my list of recipes to share but when I asked the kids which they thought was the best recipe to share they ALL picked this one.  
Tuna ‘envelopes’. 

This is one of our favourite family meals; the two little girls make it by themselves which is really important to them.  

I do cheat and use shop bought puff pastry because it is so easy!

The idea of envelopes is genius, we make them with all kinds of fillings. 

If you have leftover chilli con carne, bolognaise sauce, chicken curry, beef stew etc you can use them to fill the envelopes.  

The folding and filling is a great thing for little hands to do.  

”

— Kerrie

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I really enjoyed making these tuna 'envelopes' for brunch today - there's something very satisfying about seeing the pastry turn golden brown. And I love the idea of using other fillings for them too - leftover bolognaise, or chilli con carne, or chicken curry ...

For four 'envelopes' you'll need (I made enough for two today):

2 tins of tuna (I used one)

1 tin of sweetcorn (I used a small one)

1/2 red onion finely chopped 

a big dollop of mayonnaise 

A sheet of puff pastry (I used half)

1 egg, beaten

Mix the tuna, sweetcorn, red onion and mayonnaise together in a bowl.

Unroll the sheet of puff pastry and cut into four squares (or 6-8 smaller squares - as I was using half the sheet mine were 'small squares').

Divide the tuna mix between the squares.

Fold the corners in so that they meet in the middle.  (I tried folding mine in two different ways).

Brush with beaten egg.

Cook for 20 minutes in an oven at around 200C (I used Gas 7).

Kerrie says they usually serve them 'with mange tout and baby sweetcorn and a splodge of sweet chilli sauce to dip them in', but as mine were for brunch we had them with just a sliced tomato to add a little colour (plus realised I'd run out of sweet chilli sauce - so will be making more today).

I really liked these - and can see a Tiniest Thai green chicken curry 'envelope' happening for dinner soon!

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And ... food memories ...

These pastries remind me of a family favourite of my own - my mum used to make and love little puff pastry 'envelopes' (folded with all four corners brought together like the lower 'envelope' in my photo) filled with egg and cheese and herbs.  She called them 'borek' and we had them at Christmas. 

Having looked up recipes for Turkish borek since, those of my childhood weren't especially authentic - I believe borek are crisp pastries that can have a savoury meat filling, or cheese fillings with feta or goats cheese plus fresh mint, parsley and dill.

But such things weren't commonly available back in the late '70's / early '80's and ours were puff pastry with a filling of egg, grated cheddar and probably dried herbs. They were so good!

Having Kerrie's tuna 'envelopes' today took me back to this food memory of my own.

And I made some!

A mix of feta, mint, parsley, a little black pepper and some dried chilli flakes with a squeeze of lemon juice - delicious ... 

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What do you want your life to be?

So, a few years ago, four years ago, was when I finally 'woke up'.

In some ways, when I was born, or became an adult ... took responsibility.

It feels now looking back to my whole adult life before, that I'd been living in the dark.

I was in quite a dark place emotionally too - in a really awful bullying job, but then something happened in that job that made me suddenly realise I didn't have to do it. I DID have a choice.

And that was the beginning.

I realised that in the WHOLE time before then, I had never once realised that it was my choice. And now I mean my life.

I never once decided consciously what I wanted my life to be, who I wanted to be, what I wanted to make it.

I chose from the choices I could see - this holiday or that, this job opportunity or that one, even relationships.

My eyes opened and since then I've been consciously experimenting and exploring and discovering what I CHOOSE and what I WANT and make my life to be.

It started with baby steps. Well, I say that but it's was actually a pretty big step deciding that I didn't want a stressful job, and I wanted something that gave me time to pursue finding out what I DID like to do and want to do.

And as these things tend to, once I knew that's what I was going to choose, I found a job which at that time was a ten minute walk from my house (unheard of in London! We've since moved office but that's ok - at the time it was exactly what I needed).

I started blogging about Thai cooking and sharing some recipes.

Doing something CREATIVE at last. For ME.

And my whole life started to change, to become somehow CLEAR and I started to feel my way into how it felt to realise that I could make things happen if I just CHOSE.

So, it took into my 40's to realise it - that I'd been stuck, not thinking, just letting things happen, drifting really and letting other people - particularly work - dictate my life. And happiness.

It's NEVER too late to start to choose and create the life you want. Consciously choose.

You can be anything you want.

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YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE ...

On the shopping list / in the cupboard (when eating Thai-style for weight loss)

Come and have a nosy round my cupboards!

I've just done my monthly online grocery and household goods shop but then I shop regularly - daily - for fresh items.

I have a small London apartment and a little under-worktop- fridge with a tiny box freezer (that HAS to have ice cubes and vodka in it) so I don't have a lot of food storage space.

And I prefer it like that - I don't have cupboards full of unopened tins, or a huge freezer stuffed with food. It means I can decide daily what I want to cook and eat and then get anything needed to add to what is in stock. And I hate food waste and just prefer to have in what's needed.

IN THE FREEZER

But I do have some items I like to make sure I have - and that includes having frozen squid and prawns in that little freezer as then there's always something to make for dinner. I also fitted in some sea bass and some minced pork.

And there's currently a packet of dried shrimps and one of lime leaves / both bought from the Thai supermarket and easy to defrost as needed (although lime leaves are much better fresh and now available at lots of supermarkets - in the UK at least).

By the way I've never had or needed a microwave! Defrosting in cold water works for me. 

I buy smoked bacon from the butcher and separate it into single rashers wrapped and kept in the freezer as I'll only use a rasher or two at a time - usually with fish or seafood.

IN THE FRIDGE

I like to shop fresh as much as possible but these I usually have these in the fridge so I can make a stir fry or salad at any time: courgettes; carrots; spring onions; red, green and yellow peppers; fresh coriander, mint and parsley; tomatoes - both normal ones and cherry tomatoes; bird eye chillies and milder red chillies; radishes - a favourite snack; mushrooms.

I've currently also got a couple of rump steaks and piece of salmon. And those mussels in packs are good - sometimes I add garlic and chillies and coriander to the plainest white wine one I can find. 

Oh and almond milk of course for my favourite morning iced coffee blended with almond milk and ice cubes.

IN THE STORE CUPBOARD

Basmati rice (never brown rice for me - too hard to digest - and this is an Asian-inspired way of eating and they all eat white rice!), and both ribbon and vermicelli rice noodles.

Dark soy sauce I use rarely so isn't often on the shopping list (but is in the cupboard) but I always have light soy sauce, fish sauce and oyster sauce on the list. And chicken Knorr stock cubes. Oh, and a 1-2 calorie cooking spray oil.

It's good to have another cooking oil too (rapeseed is my fave cooking oil as cooks at a high temperature and has little taste) and some toasted sesame oil - needed for this pork meatballs dish (often what the pork mince in the freezer is for).

I must have flaked almonds too to toast instead of using peanuts (they're not a nut, they're a legume and are much more calorific) in my salads. Oh and sesame seeds, great toasted and sprinkled on yogurt and fruit, or in this lovely chicken stir-fry.

Tins of tuna are good for when there's no fresh protein and I love to have packets of miso soups.

And I keep both white and Demerara sugars.

AND IN BOWLS AT ROOM TEMPERATURE - 1 EACH FOR FRUIT, VEG + EGGS

Limes - lots of them! And a couple of lemons. Kiwi fruit (so much vitamin C!). No bananas - too high in carbs for this diet.

I tend to buy fruit fresh daily too to eat during the day - an orange or a couple of satsumas, an apple or some berries.

Ginger and garlic and tomatoes.

And in a separate bowl but also at room temperature - EGGS. From happy healthy hens, of course.

That's about it! Everything I need ...

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YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE ...

That conversation in my own head about food ...

Sometimes I just talk and talk and argue with myself.

What to do, what do you want to do - no, what do you really want to do?

Really, you want to do that even though you won't feel great and it won't nourish you?

Yes, I'm going to really love it and enjoy it!

Well, choose it then! Those are excellent reasons.

Ummm, but ...

Oh you want me to convince you?!

I don't have to do that, you KNOW what will feel best - what the results are - feeling really good and knowing you made a choice that did that.

But why's it so hard! I think I DO need rice with the chicken stir fry not just veg....

Ok. If that's what you decide. But decide consciously- then have it and LOVE it. So you're sure?

No!! I KNOW I'll feel better having the chicken and vegetables for lunch.

AND THATS HOW LUNCH CAME ABOUT.

Conscious decisions. Decide. It gets easier once you really know and BELIEVE in how much better you feel.

And my experience is I argue harder with myself when I know I don't really want it.

When I absolutely KNOW I want those chips, or whatever it is, I'm pretty certain straight away ... and I have them and love it!

It's annoying to be always arguing with yourself but it just takes practice ...

Do it; try it. It's interesting to see what comes out with this inner tussle (some of it hilarious).

Let the you you want to be all the time win 💛

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YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE ... 

The journey between here and you

Here I am, scanning the huge beach, searching, looking for the house.  For her. 

It’s late summer, coming to the end of summer and the sun is just about to start descending, going down behind the big sea, so calm out on the horizon, but big waves still out front, white foam on top of the grey blue, surfers in the water, dogs running on the beach.

I can see a couple of barbecues happening in the dunes.  There’s a chill just in the air now, after a hot day. That smell of autumn approaching. 

Then I see it – up to the left, on top of the cliffs. A chalet style house and – as if I have binoculars - I now see the detail.

The full glass doors that surround the first floor of the building, all pulled back, so the house is completely open. 

The wooden verandah that circles it – and all the little outdoor candles that flicker upon that. 

I can see the table outside set for dinner, glasses of wine, and I’m sure … I’m certain I can smell cooking and I catch a waft of kaffir lime. 

THERE you are. 

Of course.

You did it. I did it. WE did it. 

And then I see you, coming outside, hair tied up, jeans and a grey jumper. 

Again, of course. My whole life I’ve worn blue jeans and grey tops – why would I change just because I’m nearing 80 years old? I like that I look kind of the same.

Ohhhhh we did do it.

You are fitter looking than I am now, and somehow a bit smaller, but also sure, confident, happy. Calm looking.

I’m coming, hold on.  Wait.

I just need to run across the big beach and climb the cliff steps and then I’ll be there, actually with you.

I want to see you. 

Your hair is silver now and your face lined and you look content. I walk around your house with its sides open to the sea, just as you’ve always wanted.

I see your big table in the warm kitchen that looks right over the beach and all your cooking things. 

Look! You still have my favourite pan. 

And I’m in your bedroom with its skylight, your white cat sleeping on the bed in a pile of soft grey and cream cashmere blankets.

And look again! All my pictures are on the walls. That print I bought that a friend made. That cross stitch my niece made for me. That card I had framed as I loved it so much.

All here with you.

I peek into your office where you write your best-selling books and create your work and talk to people. That wall full of photos of people and your travels, and of your little house on stilts, a little house on stilts by the sea in Thailand, where some years ago you used to spend several months a year.

You still travel, although you have to take it a little easier these days. 

You have met so many people, talked to so many, helped so many with finding their own passions and through your passion for Thai food and living a healthy, happy, fulfilled life. 

I am SO PROUD. 

I know it wasn’t easy to get here.  Of course, I know my own history to the point where I am now - and I’m so new to having realised what I want to create in my life.   

I sometimes wonder what I learnt in these forty odd years before now, but I know inside me somewhere deep why they were needed - and I know what I’ve learnt and that’s how I know we will do this.

I don’t know what happens next on this journey between here and you, where the twists and turns will take me, what will fill me with joy and excitement - and what heartache there will be and what more lessons I learn.

But as the sun goes down and your candles flicker and the sea quietens, and the cat stretches and I hear soft laughing and talking and the chink of glasses … I see you are happy and full of peace.

Still with new goals to achieve and things to create and people to love … I see you.  

I am committed to you having this, being this, being you.

I commit to you that I WILL keep putting one foot in front of the other in the years yet to travel for you to be here, like this - and not living some other life.  I will get you here.

I promise.

We will.  We did it.

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This letter to my future self was originally written for and published during summer 2016 as part of the 100 Letters of Love project created by Ruth Ridgeway.

I was so inspired by her idea and these letters that my own came to me straight away and is one of my favourite things I've written.

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YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE ...

100 things to do in 2017

So, just off the top of my head, I thought I'd quickly note down 100 things I'm planning to do in 2017!

Some small, some silly, some mundane, some huge!

Whatever came to my mind.

Although this was just an idea yesterday to write something really quickly ... and then my laptop froze.

And I lost all 100.

I wrote them again ... another 40 minutes or so - and yes, they were different - I couldn't remember some great ones!

It froze again, saving half.

I took a break but this morning, wrote the last half again - and yes, they were different again.

The laptop froze.

I am NOTHING IF NOT DETERMINED (STUBBORN?) ... and I wrote it again.

It's changed already at least four times.

What was supposed to be a quick just-for-fun post became a two-day WRESTLE. But here are the 100 that survived the tech :) 

Will be checking back in a few months to see which of these I've actually done ... 

Anyway, here it is.

1. Grow my hair
2. Try a bikram yoga class
3. Go to the dentist for a check up
4. Brush the dog's teeth every day (even though he hates it)
5. Actually listen to all the Audible books in my library
6. Make a beautiful-as-I-can-make-it workbook for the Thai Diet Revolution
7. Discover new music - ask for recommendations
8. Write to my nephews and nieces at least twice each
9. Write to M every month - a proper letter
10. Volunteer somehow, do something for young carers
11. Go horseriding
12. Surf the sand dunes again in Cornwall this summer
13. Go to Rome
14. Visit Berlin
15. Declutter the kitchen cupboards
16. Book regular osteopathy sessions
17. Make preserved lemons
18. Look into getting a glamorous, luxe, white super-thick carpet for bedroom instead of wooden floor
19. Repaint bedroom
20. Hang all my pictures (finally!)
21. Get a massage
22. Care for my nails more - grow them + get regular manicures
23. Make time for sketching and drawing
24. Vist Kelvedon Bunker
25. Go body-boarding in the sea 
26. Go to the cinema more often - see things I don't even know what they are
27. Eat oysters in Whitstable
28. Launch/create A Year of Living Beautifully + Eating Well book/group
29. Make bath melts
30. Go to France, to the Dordogne, with my sisters
31. Make a really good jerk sauce
32. Try an early night ha!
33. Journal every morning, well the majority, rather than just half 
34. Get a Thai massage
35. Hold the first Tiniest Thai Retreaty in Thailand
36. Have a pedicure every month
37. Lose 12 pounds
38. WSET wine course
39. Dennis Severs House in candlelight
40. Have my first book published
41. Try growing holy basil
42. Start meditating - use Headspace (try again!)
43. Improve my French - use Duolingo app
44. Read French Vogue
45. Wear 'best' clothes every day - life's a catwalk :) 
46. Get toned and fitter - have fun with it, try loads of classes at the gym
47. Go to Brixton food market
48. Change my brown leather sofa for a big squishy turquoise velvet one
49. Have a weekend away on my own
50. Declutter and clean the bathroom cupboards and shelves
51. Find out where to get my favourite lemongrass candle (and get it!)
52. Go to the doctor about the noise my knee makes
53. Work through all my budgets and finances again and update
54. Check in monthly on my finances and budgets
55. Write out my BIG HUGE goals and check in monthly to review
56. Volunteer at the local riding for the disabled riding stables
57. Try intermittent fasting a few days a week
58. Buy new skirt for M
59. Work with a VA
60. Walk 12k steps a day (up from 10k)
61. Get scooter out and scoot home from work at least once a week
62. Go out dancing (much more often)
63. Develop and post a new recipe at least once every two weeks
64. Learn to play the ukelele
65. Do the 'create your own gin' day
66. Change my name by deed poll, update banks, passport etc - to Redlaw
67. Do the Yoga Anytime 30-day challenge
68. Declutter bedside cabinets
69. Digital switch-off one whole day a week during January - and see how it goes
70. Each week make time to sit and read my recipe books without thinking I 'should' be doing something else
71. Write Marrakech blog post
72. Go back to Marrakech
73. Be featured in mainstream magazines
74. Get a magazine column (why not?!)
75. Visit Kew Gardens
76. Visit Chatsworth
77. Go to the Gower again
78. Learn to French plait my hair, or into two French plaits
79. Re-film all the videos for the Thai Diet Revolution
80. Find out how to make Dragon's Breath Curry
81. Make boeuf bourguignon (it's been years since I last did!)
82. Start my 'Tiniest Thai Talks To' series again
83. Get my ear pierced at the top - which I've wanted to do since 17 and just never got round to
84. Have my wave tattoo done
85. Focus more - have evenings with a focus, not just flitting between things all the time - whether it's writing, reading, cooking, chatting, whatever - be focused and present
86. Go to the doctor about that ridiculous horrible fungal toenail
87. Replenish essential oils
88. Go to Paris
89. Accessorise more
90. Buy bikini that fits
91. Have 1,000 people join the Thai Diet Revolution
92. Get a celebration pendant from Mildred Jones Fine Jewellery - I know exactly what I want - to celebrate those 1,000 peple
93. Go to a Sunday service at St Paul's
94. Have a monthly cleaner
95. Also take a day off and completely spring clean
96. Hold a Tiniest Thai cooking class at La Vista, Competa, Spain
97. Make some chilli paste in oil
98. Cook char sui pork more often than just at Chinese New Year
99. Give a genuine compliment to a stranger every day
100. Arrange dates to actually SEE all the people I say I'll meet up with 'soon'

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YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE ...

My body is not a dustbin

MY BODY IS NOT A DUSTBIN!

I've realised this over the last few months ... that I used to treat my body as a dustbin.

I hate food waste and don't create much as I'm very conscious of it and I use leftovers or plan to make several meals with something.

BUT.

What I WAS doing was looking at food that needed eating or it would be wasted and thinking - I can't just throw it away and waste it.

And so I'd eat it instead.

Yeah I should have could have maybe planned better to avoid the situation - but given that's the situation I was in WHY would it be better to give myself food I don't need or want than to throw it in the bin/compost/whatever?

My body is not a bin.

I almost caught myself doing it today.

I had a friend over in the week and we had dinner from things I needed to use up before I go away tomorrow ....

So we had one of these grilled mushrooms each.

And then eggs in coconut masala.

Yes, she did ask me how this could possibly be 'needing to use it up' food ... but I had eggs that won't last until I'm back, I had half an onion, the last bits of coriander ...

Today I just caught myself! I have one small avocado that either I eat today or will need to be thrown out.

Good though avocados are I just realised that I was ONLY thinking of eating it because otherwise I would have to throw it away.

Basically throw it away in the bin or throw it away in yourself.

Eat food you don't want or need. Keep eating - it can't be thrown away!

It can.

My choice is to nourish myself and make best choices for me. I'm sorry if one avocado gets thrown away today (although I am about to mash it with a little chilli and lemon and freeze it and see if that works).

But don't eat mindlessly. Don't eat because you don't want to throw something away.

It's more important what goes into you than into the dustbin.

My body is not a bin.

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YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE ...

Swedish glögg (mulled wine)

Now, I don't like traditional mulled wine.

I don't know what it is but it's too rich for me, just too much and makes me feel a bit dizzy, hot and not great.

But give me Swedish glögg and I'm happy.

THIS is how mulled wine should be!

Absolutely delicious, it's easy to make and easy to drink ... AND it keeps for a few weeks so makes a brilliant present too.

Or you could just keep it in the cupboard and warm a little glass every night of course ...

Ideally you want to infuse the vodka mixture for a day or so, so do leave enough time (although it'll still be delicious to be honest if you have to make it all in the same day!).

OK, to make a bottle (and a bit) you'll need

1/2 cup vodka

2 or 3 cassia bark or cinnamon sticks

a piece of fresh ginger, peeled

about 1 tsp cardamom pods

The peel of a lime (try to peel in thin strips, without any of the white)

The peel of an orange (again try not to have the white bits)

1 bottle of light, easy-drinking, red wine

1 cup of caster sugar (but normal granulated is fine if you don't have it)

1 vanilla pod (optional)

raisons and whole almonds, to serve

Put the vodka in a bowl with the cinnamon, ginger, cardamom and citrus peels, cover and leave in the fridge for anywhere from a few hours to a day or two to infuse the flavours.

When you're ready to make the glögg, put the vodka mixture into a big saucepan with a bottle of red wine, the sugar and the vanilla pod (if using). Use a nice, light easy-drinking red - nothing too heavy. My favourite right now is 'Yellow Tail - jammy red roo' which is perfect.

Heat gently, stirring to dissolve the sugar, and bring to almost boiling - but don't actually let it boil.

Strain into a jug.

To serve, add a few raisons and almonds into glasses or cups and pour the hot glögg over.

Or you can pour it into a bottle and keep in a dark cupboard where it'll be good for a few weeks - just gently heat (and don't boil) before serving.

I really hope you try this - it's a delicious drink! (And a great, home-made gift too).

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My life in perfume (and having my own bespoke one created)

As a baby, I didn't smell of baby powder and sick (well, I suppose maybe I did, just sometimes).

I smelt of Chanel No 5.

My mum's signature fragrance (and it still is), I spent so long held by her and nuzzled into her neck that it I smelled of it too.

It's so much my mum's perfume that I haven't ever worn it myself - although had a bottle of the new formulation some years ago, Chanel No 5 Eau Premiere, that I really liked - but I did turn out to be a Chanel girl too - at first.

My first 'grown-up' perfume was Chanel No 19 and this is the one I took with me to University. 

I tried Cristalle, I tried Coco (but my best friend wore it so I couldn't really - plus it was more her than me) and - one brave day when I'd actually got the money to buy what I think was a rare old Chanel if I liked it - I set off for Bond Street to the Chanel store, the only place they would have it.

It turned out to be my 'Pretty Woman' moment, when the snootiness of the sales assistants was bigger than my teenage courage, and I slunk away again with my Sinead O'Connor-style hair and my trainers.

In retrospect, an old, old Chanel smelling of leather and tobacco (I don't remember the name) might have been hard for a (late) teenager to carry off - but I'd really wanted to try it.

And then I loved Chloe - the old Chloe, that is - and wore that for a while. I dropped a whole bottle one day though that smashed, and that kind of put me off.

I fell briefly for some of the power scents of Calvin Klein - I'd had a sample of Obsession as a teenager when it launched and kind of loved it but was also a bit scared of it.

I remember reading about the launch of Escape and fell in love at first read. The first 'oceanic' scent? The smell of the sea? This was going to be ME! I bought it ... it was overpowering and I never got 'sea'. It must have been more a technical term maybe.

I went back to Chanel for a while with Allure. I did adore Allure.

There was a little dalliance with Clarins' Elysium - which was discontinued to the chagrin of both me and my sister.

I had a soft spot for Diorissimo for the fleetingest of moments (I think one is usually either Dior or Chanel, not both, ha - the way I think one usually loves travels to Africa or Asia - not both. Just my theory).

I also had a 'secret' perfume - one just for me - the one I wore at home on my own. It reminded me of our old house, in Norfolk, our big old creaky house with the barns and donkeys and the water meadows. The warm AGA, draped in cats. The freezing rooms so you'd have to take an eiderdown with you to watch TV.

Of life before my mum's accident. Something that just reminded me of comfort, sort of milky, sort of hay, sort of knitted gloves and your breath in the icy air, of our chickens, donkeys, of frost, of family ... Clinique's Simply (yep, also discontinued).

And then I found my long-term love, Jo Malone's Lime, Basil and Mandarin.

I've been wearing this both night and day for I think about 15 years now. Every now and then I'd try another - Tuberose, Peony Blush, Pomegranate Noir - but there was always also my Lime, Basil and Mandarin with me everywhere I went (still is, for when I don't wear MY scent).

I have always, always wanted to have a bespoke perfume created and this year I had the most wonderful opportunity to work with healer, perfumer, 'nose', aromatherapist and basically all-round magical alchemist, Karen Quinn.

She sent me a questionnaire which I absolutely loved completing - it made me think about all the scents I love and have meaning for me. An hour writing about me and things I love, over a glass of wine. Yup, I loved it.

I had such a long and disparate list I did wonder how she would make sense of it.

Some of my loved scents: limes, sea breezes, lime leaves, warm skin after a day on the beach, horses, haysheds, clean laundry on the line (but also musky sheets that have been lived and loved in perhaps a day too long).

Sun tan oil, bonfires and cold earth in my dad's garden, and some heady flowers.

The questionnaire also got me thinking about how I wanted to feel. Playful, mischievous, sexy, confident. 

Karen didn't baulk at the challenge but in due course arrived with her magical chemistry set and some samples. I was lucky that she was in London that day and came to me in person - but otherwise this would have taken place over Skype.

I was really nervous!

And even more so when I just wasn't sure I liked any of the three samples she had developed for me - but she reassured me this was part of the process of getting it right. 

It was fascinating. She had made an actual compound scent of 'warm skin on beaches' and another for 'cold earth and bonfires'.

They were incredible.

She used both compounds in the samples which then had different emphases on flowers, limes, citrus etc.

I didn't trust my nose any more an hour or so in ... as we played with making it 'more limes' or 'more sparkling, more playful'. 

When Karen left I felt almost dizzy but couldn't stop sniffing all the paper strips covered with different oils and scents.

A while later, she sent me two updated samples in the post and, again, I was strangely extremely nervous.

Now this was SO interesting!

I got them out, sprayed and couldn't tell if I liked them. I just couldn't tell.

I felt I was letting Karen down if I didn't like them, but I felt as if I just didn't know. This was so weird!

I told her how I was feeling though and her explanation made so much sense ... 

This isn't just a perfume. This is MY perfume.

The scents included in it all mean something to me - they have memories and occasions behind their inclusion - so my brain was overloaded with the meaning and couldn't quite process it all.

When I calmed down and tried them over a few days I just knew which of the two was the one for me. The second I liked but the first i couldn't stop sniffing, couldn't stop having just another quick spritz of it.

A friend came round and tried it and just said, 'IT'S YOU! AND IT'S THAILAND SOMEHOW TOO'.

Two people have asked me if they can buy MY scent they love it so much. (Er, NO!),

My perfume is called Rachel No. 11 in my little homage to Chanel (and to my birthday which is 11.11 - plus it's a number I see everywhere and an 'angel number').

But my bottle isn't labelled because I was too impatient and asked Karen to send it to me without waiting for her labels to arrive. And it's so me to have done this that I love my little naked bottle even more. I know its name, and that's what matters.

It arrived when I was at work, beautifully packaged, in the most beautiful bottle. 

Having a bespoke perfume has been a dream of mine for a very long time and an amazing experience to have had. And resulted in an amazing, dream perfume.

If you want your own, do get in touch with Karen. Yes, it's an investment but not as much as you might think at £500 for your very own, personal, one-off perfume (and then £80 to buy it again after it's created).

It would make a very special Christmas present or something incredible to give yourself.

Perfume, scent ... it brings back memories, and it creates memories. 

I am truly very lucky to have had this experience - and to have had Karen bring Rachel No. 11 to life for me.

I thought this post would be more emotional somehow, but it's utter contentment I feel. A feeling of arrival. All my memories wrapped up into one. No more 'secret' perfumes; no more 'over-powering' ones.

If you ever have the chance to do this, then all I can say is, DO.

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The photo of me that made me FINALLY decide to lose weight

I think this photo is actually harder to share than my 'before' bikini pics were.

Probably because I'm not normally in a bikini, but I am normally in a tee and jeans, and often cooking.

So I must have looked like this.

I'd been hiding away - I honestly now don't know why - from thinking about, confronting my weight gain for so long.

I'd known for a while, for months (ok, years), that it was only a matter of time until I 'did' something about it. But it was as if I were waiting for something really bad to happen before I did it.

I suppose luckily, it wasn't a health scare that was that bad thing. It was an image scare. 

I'd thought I'd kind of looked ok. I only looked in the mirror at certain angles and I took carefully-angled selfies (face only) - time to be really honest now. You never really see unexpected sides or angles, or what you actually look like unless you try.

And then one day - doing what I love, cooking, at a friend's - she took this photo of me.

April 2016

October 2016

And that was the really bad thing that had to happen.

This was the moment, this was the picture that finally made me take action.

And you know the weirdest thing? Like any fear, it's always worse thinking about it. When you DO IT and take action, the fear's kind of gone.

This photo made me cry. A couple of days later when I stood on the scales and confronted the reality that made me cry too. 

Enough was enough - time to take action.

But that was in April, and I haven't felt that awful out-of-control feeling about my body, my eating or my weight since.

We all have a trigger, or a moment that's the one that makes us act.

This was mine.

What I know is - get brave, make a decision, take responsibility and also ENJOY getting results and being happy with your body again.

27 weeks later and 38 pounds lighter, I am.

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There's another round starting MONDAY 9 JANUARY of my 8-week Tiniest Thai eating programme - where I'm sharing what I've changed about my diet and way of eating that's seen my lose the pounds, get happy again in my skin, feeling great - all while eating delicious, healthy Thai-inspired food. 

Want to join us? Find out more here.

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Don't save clothes for 'best' - wear them for everyday + love them!

Years ago I bought a skirt.

About 7 or 8 (or 9) years ago.

It wasn't a specially special kind of skirt to anyone but me - but to me, this was (and probably still is) my perfect skirt.

I saw it (randomly; clearly we weren't out clothes shopping) in a supermarket in Truro, when down in Cornwall, visiting one of my sisters).

It's a sort of flannel-y grey.

It's just above knee length.

It has good fastenings.

And it has a lovely drapey ruche-y front.

I totally adored it on sight. This is my love-at-first-sight sort of a skirt - I love grey, I love draping,

I just loved it.

I'd also just about started to put on some weight round about then.

I bought it in a size 16 without trying it on, convinced it would be perfect. (It wasn't expensive - but I WAS excited about finding my perfect skirt there).

Disappointingly, back at my sister's house when I tried it on, it was the teensiest bit tight ... just an inch or so that made me not comfortable in it. But of course I kept it. It was just an inch.

And in my wardrobe it stayed.

Over the last ten years I put on three stone (that's 3 x 14 pounds maths people - I can't do it in my head).

And the skirt stayed. Every time I tried it it was tighter.

But I still loved it.

Finally, this year, in April, I decided to start losing the weight - and now I've lost all but 7 pounds of it ...

What I didn't do earlier was check in with my favourite ever - yet unworn - skirt.

When I put it on today, thinking, 'oh well, if it's a little loose I'll still wear it' ... well ... it comes on and off without need of the fastenings.

So, goodbye perfect, favourite, unworn skirt - and I hope you fare better in your next home. (And I'll be continuing the search for one just like you - only a little smaller).

AND ... MORAL OF THE STORY!

Do not SAVE your favourite / perfect / ideal clothes for 'one day'.

WEAR THEM.

Love them.

Enjoy them.

I do kinda wish I'd tried this on earlier and worn it a few times.

(BUT .. I'd still rather have lost the weight! )

When I'm lazy ...

When I'm lazy - like now ... well, it's a surprise. 

I push through laziness and 'oh I don't feel like it' - USUALLY - and do it anyway.

But right now, I'm lazy. 

I had this song - of course - pop into my head as I started writing.

I'm not wicked, but I am (right now) lazy.

(And, I've always loved David Byrne. Talking Heads - say no more - except... can you actually pin down a favourite TH song ....  'cos I can't).

I had so much I was going to do - and this morning I did do so much ... including decluttering that unloved 'under the sink' cupboard that's generally so neglected.

Just one cupboard though - I'm taking it one cupboard and drawer at a time.

Kitchen decluttering is one of my favourite 'power tools' in The Tiniest Thai diet - it changes the energy to something new and light and exciting.

But then I went to a BFI London Film Festival screening this afternoon of The Levelling (bleak, beautiful, thought-provoking) and ... when I got home I was going to do EVERYTHING but then just realised I didn't want to.

And more, than that - for once - I didn't want to push past not wanting to.

That's the unusual thing. But that's also sort of the point.

Usually, I KNOW that pushing past 'not wanting to' will feel good, make me feel alive, and my creativity just starts FLOWING.

Today, I made (diet) jalfrezi curry (with real rice) and poured a glass of red wine and wrote this instead.

Instead of the four blog post ideas I've had today and noted down and - earlier - couldn't wait to get back and start writing! Or finalising the menu for next weekend's Tiniest Thai on Tour, and finishing the shopping list ...

Who knows what it is ... but this feeling of laziness is so very very rare, I'm going with it today.

I'm going to make us lemon vodka sours.

I'm going to read my book. Maybe watch some more of the series I'm watching. 

(Yes, still Narcos. LOVE IT).

Have a bath.

And - quite possibly - 'round about midnight - feel the urge to jump straight back on my laptop and write those posts, ha!

So, I'll see you later ... or tomorrow ... but whenever it is, sometimes ...

It's good to be 'lazy'. 

(Well, this once!)

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24 hours in a shepherd's hut / late summer glamping

So easy to get to, off the M40 near Banbury, and then a few miles drive and here we are, in the middle of the beautiful Oxfordshire countryside ... to Chipping Warden and to Blackgrounds Farm Shepherd Hut Holiday for a quick 24-hour-getaway and to make the most of these last - and unexpectedly hot (proper hot! 31 degrees hot!) - days of summer.

Stopped for a Bloody Mary and some lunch at the very friendly pub, The Griffin, in the village, and then on to the farm. A proper, working farm, and as they train racehorses there are also the most beautiful horses in the fields.

Pauline, the owner, has been really friendly and helpful (and patiently answered my billion questions), and in person lives up to that too. It's all just lovely.

There are five huts, two right on the river and three further back in the fields, each totally private.

I love 'Orchard Hut' ... yes, it's in its own orchard. Apples fall off the trees constantly, sometimes making me jump and once landing on my head.

The hut itself is cosy and so cute - like playing house. Everything you could need - and a wood burner for when it does get cold. The Shepherd's Huts are available all year round and I'll definitely be back to experience it in super-cosy wintertime. 

There's a fridge, table, a George Foreman grill (presumably for bad weather days) and even towels are provided. The bed is supremely comfortable, and the view ...fields down to the river with horses just outside the door ... stunning. There are also fairy lights and candles to light - so pretty when dusk comes.

There is a picnic table, a gas barbecue outside, an incredible big fire pit, a stack of logs snug and dry under the hut. A huge hammock.

And an outdoor 'African-style' bathroom - with a HOT shower too. Gorgeous.

It was hot enough to brave swimming in the river. It started raining in the night and that was the last properly hot day of the year, so such perfect timing. The river swim was very cold but very beautiful; well worth it.

Cooked steak and kebabs. Made my 'signature' tomato and onion salad and a green salad too. Tore bits off the baguette to eat. Drank wine. 

Kept the fire going 'til the small hours before closing those stable doors on the hut and having the best sleep in the incredibly comfortable bed.

It was magical.

In the morning it was raining and it felt like 'real life' had returned, but for 24 hours this was a total escape from all reality, living outdoors, yet with all comforts.

I can't wait for my next visit.

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Just two things to note:

1. there's no shop in the village although there is one a couple of miles away in the next - so do bring all your provisions.

2. the only thing I'd do differently on my next visit is to bring our bucket barbecue or to use a disposable one - there was one there - as a gas barbecue to me is just like cooking indoors - none of the outdoor cooking barbecue flavours. But that's a personal preference only and did have a great dinner using the outdoor gas barbie!

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5 good things to do in London (and when visitors visit - where do YOU take them?)

My sisters came to stay this weekend - just the three of us - and, to be honest, most of the time we just laughed.

We could probably have amused ourselves without even going outdoors ... but why stay in, ha?! 

Friday night, we stayed in yes, and chatted, and ate a big home-made (diet) chicken jalfrezi curry.

Oh and played cards.

We love playing cards in my family: Canasta, 2s and 3s, Beat your Neighbour, German Whist, Knockout Whist, Chase The Queen ... how about you?

But Saturday - we did everything!  (And walked 20k steps whilst we did it).

When I go to new places I actually really enjoy finding out what's good about that local area - not just the big city attractions - and so we stayed local this weekend.

So here's five good things to do in (West) London ... 

1. Kensal Green cemetery

Ok, it sounds a bit macabre, but London's big cemeteries are famous - famous as some of their inhabitants.

There are the 'Magnificent Seven' of London cemeteries including Highgate (Karl Marx), Brompton Cross and Kensal Green with Brunel and 700 other notable figures.

So, to the cemetery .... unexpectedly, from the hectic Harrow Road, you go through the huge gates into Kensal Green cemetery and .... suddenly, peace. 72 unexpected acres of peace. And lots and lots and lots of tombs. Utterly fascinating wandering, looking, finding people, wondering at lives long gone ...

A sense of history and belonging and wonder at lives passed and memories still here.

Oases of calm and reflection, London's cemeteries are well worth a visit.

2. Portobello/Golborne markets

 We walked back down Ladbroke Grove, took a left at Bonchurch Road and right onto the very top end of Portobello.

Time to stop for a coffee and (gluten-free - both my sisters are) delicious salted caramel cake at Pearl & Groove in the sunshine.

(Oh, the sunshine - we weighed up all day if it were hot enough to go to the Serpentine in Hyde Park for outdoor swimming - but the weather was so changeable!)

Refreshed, we turned left onto Golborne Road with its patisseries and antique / junk (your choice!) shops and outdoor market bits and pieces ... and after loving some expensive artwork, we also stumbled upon a pretty rose-print plate that I didn't end up buying (could actually find the stall-holder!) and a 1930's/40's oval mirror that my sister fell in love with and bought for £12.

Oh and we stopped at Garcia supermarket on Portobello for some Spanish goodies.

(I was hoping to also make it to my fave Thai supermarket ... but we ran out of time this time).

3. Street food

Acklam Market - off Portobello. Food stalls and live music Saturdays and Sundays.

Hang out all day!

Tempted by the Vietnamese banh mi but in the end we shared a large portion of paella in the end (and it was more than enough for three). Don't just stay the Notting Hill end of Portobello - do come down to see  Acklam Road and on to Golborne.

I didn't take a photo - we devoured it too fast!

4. The Serpentine Lido

And ... we did it.

Yep, we went to the Serpentine Lido in Hyde Park ... there's a cafe/bar next door but once you go into the changing rooms for the Lido (around the walls are old photos of people enjoying the Lido in long, long ago times) you are pretty much unseen. 

Yes, it's cold when you get in (bracing, we like to say in the UK). Yes, you share the water with ducks and swans. And no, you can't see to the bottom of the murky water.

But is it magical? YES.

Outdoor swimming and this feeling of being part of history. You lie back and look towards the bridge and recall the photos in the changing rooms and feel part of history - in this spot so many have swum and will swim and right now it's you. Wonderful.

5. Authentic best tapas in London (in my opinion)

One of my favourite restaurants is Galicia on Portobello Road. Local neighbourhood stalwart, family run, and always busy - and always great food. Honestly, you could be in Spain. Great food and drink and service. I've been coming for over 20 years - and many more to come.

Oh, and I ALWAYS break the diet when here to have bread to scoop up all the delicious sauces. We had padron peppers, garlic chicken, incredible garlic prawns, mixed salad, anchovies, patatas bravas ... and more I can't remember. Yes, and Rioja).

Oh, two more top tips for my don't-miss London attractions?

1. Dennis Severs' House.

The BEST. Just visit. Please. You can't imagine how good. All the info HERE.

2. The Tiniest Thai

My monthly supperclub seats just four guests, right here at The Tiniest Thai Restaurant in London. Message me for details if you're interested in coming to one!

And ... I'd love to hear YOUR local favourites ... where would you take your weekend visitors?

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A weekend camping in Oxfordshire

The weather's been a bit iffy so far this summer, a bit changeable, well ... just a bit 'British summer' really, but the forecast for this weekend was sunshine, so a spur-of-the-moment decision was made, Friday quickly booked off work, and a weekend camping planned.

it did mean several hours Thursday evening spent searching campsites within 90 minutes of so of London ... but in turn that means I now have a new shortlist of great-looking campsites to visit. 

The 'within 90 minutes' is a new rule (to add to: big, lots of space and no crowding; predominantly campsite as opposed to caravan park / motorhomes; campfires allowed. And possibly it's a new rule only for this trip - but when the weather's beautiful and you end up stuck for 4-5 hours each way in the car for one weekend, it doesn't always make sense.

Last year's camping trip to North Devon, was absolutely stunning, but ... it felt a really long way to go for one full day there and, as it poured down, packing up in the teeming rain and then a long drive wasn't the most fun.

It was still well worth doing and I'd love to go back - read more here - but this trip was all about ease. 

So this year, we set off on Friday for Britchcombe Farm camping, just the other side of Oxford and set in the most stunning English countryside close to the beautiful Chalk Downs and historic Ridgeway path, with the famous White Horse Hill just above the farm.

There are five - I think - different fields available for camping and just so much space.

That's what I really love about camping, being outdoors all the time of course and also having a sense of space, just gazing at the sky or the trees, lying on a rug, watching the clouds pass by. 

Other facilities at Britchcombe Farm - there's a tea shop open weekends, a warm welcome, free range eggs and local honey to buy in the on-site shop (which I didn't get to visit this time).

There are spotless portaloos in each field and a water tap, with toilets, showers and washing up facilities at the main farm entrance.

The only thing I think could have been improved on was the showers - I was in one that was freezing cold but then realised there were two that relied on the tank and three that were electric and therefore hot. Once I moved round and tried one of the electric ones it was fine, I just do love a good hot shower and think there could have been more.But that's the only (tiny) thing I could even fault at all.

There's also fridges and freezers to cool ice packs and store food.

I only wish I had more photos of the utterly gorgeous countryside - rolling hills and fields of pretty cream-coloured cows and some noisy sheep - but my phone died the first day and the portable chargers didn't really work, so I had an enforced 'digital detox' too, which was actually rather lovely not to even have the choice!

Gorgeous woods and hedgerows and some sort of magnificent hawk / falcon / bird of prey - just  to lie back on your rug and watch him glide on the airways and hover overhead was amazing to see. 

There isn't a supermarket all that local (that I found) so I'd advise bringing the majority of what you'll need (although we did stock up in the Waitrose in Wantage about 10 miles away through the prettiest ever tree-canopy-covered roads).

There's something so special about sitting outside making dinner, drinking a favourite Bloody Mary, listening to the sound of groups of kids having adventures and seeing the campfires start to be built.

Camping food on this trip was steak on the barbecue with salad and garlic baguette (just decided to try it and it worked better straight on the barbecue than wrapped in foil).

Bacon and eggs for breakfast on the camping stove.

Delicious pork belly slices and fish wrapped in foil with lime juice, chillies, garlic and a little fish sauce (based on this recipe) again all cooked on the barbecue.

So good! 

Home again now, everything smells of woodsmoke and my skin feels hot from being out in the sun so much.

Totally re-charged by nature ...

Britchcombe Farm is a brilliant campsite, beautifully natural, within easy reach of London, with the most stunning countryside and extremely good value.

I'm actually planning another quick visit before the end of this summer, it was so easy and so lovely.

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It's not exactly 'right' ... but it's not a mistake either

Hahaha!

These photos ...  are of my first attempt at mini choc-ices.

And I could say the recipe experiment wasn't a success ... but it was.

You can't be good at anything without trial and error and trying and making 'mistakes' and learning and refining.

The MOST important lesson in the world I think is to just start.

Give it a go. START. Just have a go.

No, you won't be brilliant at anything new straight away but you can't get from A-Z without going through the other letters first.

So, my first go at mini choc ices.  I made lime ice cream and melted chilli chocolate. And I knew it wasn't working right and I can see so clearly now - from having had a go - what I'll do differently next time and can see how it'll work.

Like many things - I over-complicated it a bit. No need for the ice cube tray palaver - freezing the ice cream in a thinner layer on a baking tray is going to be a better idea next time.

And I'm very confident in these being good the next time I make them!

And sometimes ... you learn that what you're trying to force into being just doesn't work.

I've now tried four or five times to make a Thai-style version of arrancini ... and I haven't made it work yet.

I've tried red curry ones, fried rice ones, holy basil and chilli ones.

Dipped them in egg, in flour, cooked with egg, covered in breadcrumbs.  

I do suspect arrancini work because of risotto rice and mozzarella ... But I might keep trying as I can see them so clearly in my head! Maybe sticky rice is the answer?

Ok, scrap that 'learning some things don't work'.

Never give up ... do the work until it works ...

These are not 'mistakes'; they're just part of the discovery + learning + creating.

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3 days in Cómpeta, Spain

When the plane doors open on the tarmac at Malaga airport, the 37 degree heat pours in.  

We trip down the steps and into the airport, basking in the heat, smiling in the sunshine ... and it's already late afternoon.

Pick up the hire car and set off on the very good road along the coast, turning off at Torrox and following the signs to Competa, one of those beautiful pueblos blancos or 'white villages'.

It's so high up in the mountains our ears pop on the way up, and yes - I confess to being a bit terrified by the hairpin bends snaking up, up, up into the mountains ... 

But about 20 minutes later, 20 minutes of climbing round and round and higher and higher, we reach Competa.  

We last came here 27 years ago, me and my oldest and bestest friend, when her parents took a house for a summer and then for Christmas and New Year the following year, which is when I joined them for a week, having then met my friend Kefi at Uni.

Competa has grown bigger but it's still just as beautiful and there's still something special about it.

It's so hot. The views are incredible.

We park and walk to the square.

It seems smaller than we remember it but that's because the chairs and tables from the square's restaurants cover it and when we were here last for New Year only a small area had outside tables.

At that last visit, we had joined in local custom with fizz at midnight and eating 12 grapes each, one for every peal of midnight, from the church's bell.

The church is in the square too. We sit and look at it and order gin+ tonics (which comes to be our drink of this holiday and are served in the most enormous fishbowl glasses) and a couple of tapas - a slice of tortilla and a tiny dish with three meatballs.

We call Graeme, from the B&B we have booked, and he says he'll walk to the square to meet us as it's difficult to explain which back streets and roads we need to take (although it's only a couple of minutes to walk). When he arrives we learn that he and his wife Jo have only just taken over running the B&B and moved to Competa just a week and a half before!

We drive round and park and Graeme kindly takes our bags on the very steep walk from the car to La Vista. It's a 200-year-old townhouse, lots of stairs and low ceilings and levels of little terraces. 

0ur twin room is exactly what we need.  it's small, but has two huge windows open on two sides and it's clean and pretty with space to hang our clothes and a nice bathroom with shower. Yep, everything we need.

And up more stairs, right to the top, is the plunge pool, plenty big enough and so very needed in this heat. Lots of places to sit and read - and an honesty bar with beer, wine and soft drinks.

We head out for dinner and eat in the square - more gin + tonics, gambas pil pil, squid, salad, ham, bread ... and back to La Vista for a few drinks on the terrace.  

The light is so beautiful as we look down the mountain to the sea, and then there's the most spectacular sunset.

And that was basically it for three days.

Sunbathing, reading, pool, chatting, lots of G+Ts, lots of gambas pil pil, lots of squid ('squidlington' it became known ha!).

Great breakfasts at La Vista with bread (from the bakery literally opposite), ham and chorizo and salami and cheese. Yogurts, melon, tomato, And good coffee.

I love this little town.

Love the cobbled streets, the narrow passageways, the steep walkways, love it. The beautiful tiles around the doorways. The sun on the white houses.

At the market on Saturday morning, there's incredible produce with enormous spring onions and peppers and tomatoes. We buy pil pil spice mix and some bowls.

We found the disco that we'd been to (so often) during our last visit - but despite waiting 'til 11pm on the Saturday night, it wasn't open that day. Maybe for the best ... 

One lunchtime in the square we found ourselves in the middle of the most beautiful wedding.

We kept eating the same food as it was so delicious!

The gambas pil pil at one of the restaurants in the square was absolutely perfect, with cloves and cloves of sweet garlic in the oil that we mushed onto the fresh bread (and ate them all). The squid was perfectly charred, sometimes served with rice and sometimes with chips. 

They brought mini choc-ices instead of chocolates with the bill (an idea I'm stealing for The Tiniest Thai). 

The sun shone, the views were amazing, the food was great, and our hosts at La Vista couldn't have been friendlier or more helpful. 

If we'd had longer we'd have made a trip down the mountain for a day at the beach, but as it was we were having such a nice, relaxing time that we stayed in Competa until it was time to brave (slowly) the mountain road and head back to Malaga to come home.

It's easy to get to, very beautiful and makes a perfect short break from the UK. La Vista is, I think, the only B&B in the little town itself and I'll definitely be back. It's also exceptionally good value.

Can't recommend highly enough.

I also just can't recommend highly enough going away for a short break with an old friend.

We laughed and talked and came up with so many new ideas. We read and ate and slept and talked and laughed more.

So good for you!

In just three days I put on a little weight (!), got a tan, totally relaxed and had the best time chatting non-stop with a dear friend. And drank quite a few G+T's. 

After a very delayed flight, a long journey home arriving back at 4am, a little sleep and back to work ... I get home and cannot resist eating more holiday food. 

I made a gambas (prawn) pil pil with the spice mix, a favourite tomato + onion salad and cooked the chorizo I'd bought in Spain with red wine. All with fresh bread and a bottle of Rioja. 

Gambas pil pil recipe to follow! 

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